Author: The Arts Are Life

I am a writer and musician. Lover of music, movies, books, art, and nature.

Movie Review: Begin Again

April 25, 2019

Categories: movies, music

After watching A Star is Born, I felt quite depressed and hopeless. What was the point of being a musician if it meant letting fame and fortune get to one’s head, causing the artist to lose touch with themselves in the process? I’m not saying the music industry is in any way to blame for substance abuse, but the stress of touring and parties can really stress some musicians out, especially if they are already dealing with substance abuse. I cried, thinking that was all the music industry had in store for me (even though a lot of classical musicians don’t get famous enough to lead those kinds of fame-filled lives.)

With Pop Star: Never Stop Never Stopping, it made fun of the fame associated with being a pop musician, and believe me, I laughed (but of course, anything with Andy Samberg is going to tickle my funny bone.) But then I asked myself, Is being a musician really just one big joke? I know not everyone ends up like that, but it got me thinking, once again: is there a way to be a successful musician if no one has discovered your musical talent until much later in life? Conner4Real (Andy Samberg’s character) has had people telling him he would be a star since he was very young, and so he grew up thinking he would just be successful for the rest of his life, even if his songs got terrible reviews and he struggled with his ego.

But with Begin Again, I can honestly say that I feel refreshed. When it first came out in 2013, I thought about seeing it because it looked interesting, but never got around to seeing it. But then I finally decided I wanted to give it a shot, and I’m glad I waited to see it because had I seen it earlier, it probably wouldn’t have resonated with me as much. But now that I have been out of the league of constant performances and auditions for orchestras and have been deciding from scratch whether to go to music school, to teach music lessons, to move to a big city and find my dreams there, or whatever else I was dreaming about with regards to music, watching Begin Again gave me a new perspective on what it means to be a musician and still lead a happy fulfilling life.

Gretta is an introverted young woman who is also a gifted singer and songwriter, and she moves to New York City with her boyfriend and fellow musician, Dave. Dave gets signed to a major record label and leads her into this totally different life, one that she is not interested in. They move from their tiny apartment in the city to a fancy studio where Dave produces all his hits. Shortly after they move into the studio, Dave tries to convince Gretta to go on tour and produce the songs with him for their album, but she is more interested in just making music and not so much the glamour that comes with all of that. Dave heads to Los Angeles to work with some producers for his album, leaving Gretta to hang out with her friend, Steve, who also happens to be a struggling musician like Gretta. Dave comes back from Los Angeles and has Gretta listen to one of his tracks, but Gretta intuitively finds out Dave cheated on her for a girl on the record producing team in L.A. and leaves him. One night Steve, Gretta’s friend, encourages her to perform at a bar, and so Gretta reluctantly sings what turns out to be a beautiful song.

Dan, a record label executive with drinking problems, a bad relationship with his wife and daughter and a reluctance to change, can’t understand why the indie record label he manages with his college buddy, Saul, is allowing too many pop-sounding musicians to record for them. When Saul tells him he needs to just go with the changes in people’s tastes instead of close himself off from them, Dan gets upset and Saul fires him. With no money and no job, Dan goes to a bar, drunk and contemplating suicide. Then he hears Gretta perform and he suddenly envisions her performance as if she was in a real recording studio, with strings, keyboard, drums and a guitar to back her up. He offers her a record deal, but she refuses. She tells him that she makes music for herself, not to get famous, and he tries to convince her that the point of music is to share with other people, not just to play it for oneself. Dan gets an epiphany and realizes that unlike Dave, who is living the high-life and going on tour but not really feeling fulfilled in his music career, Gretta doesn’t have to live that life and can make wonderful music even before she gets signed to Dan’s record label. So he gathers a bunch of musicians who are willing to play music without pay and has them, him, Steve and Gretta perform for the NYC public in parks, subways, in alleys, and on rooftops. When Dave asks Gretta to meet up with him, he realizes that she has moved on with her life and is no longer lonely without him, even when he tries to beg her to come back to him. She thankfully realizes that he’s not worth returning to not just because he cheated with another girl behind her back (and also panders to a crowd of other girls who swoon when they see him), but because she has charted her own music path with Dan and many other musicians who haven’t lived through the fame and getting signed to a label.

One interesting conversation happens toward the end of the film, and that is about how record sales work. At a meeting in the record label conference room, Saul listens to Gretta’s album and says he will hook up some producers in Los Angeles to listen to it so they can put it in some TV shows and films. Dan says he’s not interested and that he wants to get Gretta signed onto the label. Gretta then asks how distribution of music works, and one of the folks at the meeting tells her that if a CD sells for 10 units, then the musician gets a dollar (“like selling a book for a buck.”) Gretta rightfully asks why the musician gets only a dollar while the record label gets the other nine dollars. Saul chuckles and tells her that if she were to sign onto the label, the label would hire a producer to remix a couple of her tracks, then she would sell a hit record and then she would live the long and fulfilling music career of her dreams, but that because it was her album, it was her choice in the end whether or not she wanted to sign with the label. I was literally watching this interview that Rob Markman did for digital media company Genius on a study that showed musicians only make 12% of revenue from the music industry, and how musicians have tried to navigate this, and where all the other money went to if not to the artist (the full interview is below:)

This interview forced me to wake up to the reality that there is much more involved than just playing music when an artist is signed onto a record label, and it made me think of how in Begin Again, Dave’s number one dream was to record with a major record label. However, after he got his dream, he came back to Gretta and, when she asked him how his tour was, said it was incredibly grueling because he had to travel so much by himself. In the past he and Gretta just made music in their apartment, and they had that intimate space to just make beautiful songs, but when Dave got signed to the label, it totally changed him and Gretta’s relationship because he wasn’t around to be with her, and it especially changes the relationship they have with music. For Gretta, music is about honesty, but for Dave, music is a way to get famous. When they meet up in the park, he plays a recording he did in the studio of “Lost Stars,” which Gretta wrote for him when they were together. Gretta tells him that the song has lost its authenticity ever since he became famous and cheated on her with another woman. This reminds me of A Star is Born, when Ally doesn’t want to lose her identity when she becomes famous, and Jackson accuses her of becoming someone she’s not when Interscope Records signs her. It also reminds me of Big Eyes because Margaret Keane was this woman who just wanted to paint as a means of catharsis, but her husband, Walter, wanted to sell out. Margaret tells him that she wants to be honest instead of focused on fame when she paints, but Walter tells her that no one really cares about honesty.

Begin Again helped me better understand that musicians don’t have to sign to a major record deal to be successful, and that musicians can find their own path even when they aren’t famous. Dan had a long successful music career, helping sign several artists and winning Grammy Awards left and right, but in the end, he was human and had his own battles to deal with. Dave got famous, and yet he was incredibly lonely on tour and got sad when he listened to Gretta’s voicemail. Gretta, although not well-known, found her own happiness and Dan also came to understand himself that what’s really important are the friendships you make along the way, not so much the money or the status. And this movie also taught me to be open to change; I had these wild dreams at one point that I was going to either get signed on to work for a major record label in LA or NYC. But then I did some more self-reflection and after watching movies like A Star is Born, Popstar and Begin Again, I think I can figure out an alternative career path for my music, one that doesn’t necessarily fit the stereotype of how musicians should be. I would of course love to do a lot more with my music, but I also don’t want to lose my love for it, and I sometimes worry that having a career in music would make me stop loving it. I know this is silly thinking, but after seeing Begin Again, I feel a lot better about where my love of music is going to take me. Seeing Gretta and Dan bounce back from their struggles and chart their own music path has inspired me to keep an open mind about my music career, instead of doing what I have done for the past two years and keeping a one-track-mindset of “I need to be this kind of musician by blah-blah-date.” Of course, having a plan for your career helps, but Gretta and Dan inspired me to think outside the box and experiment with other styles of music.

I honestly wouldn’t mind seeing this film again so I can remind myself to be patient and not feel any less of a musician just because I haven’t yet signed onto a major record label (or any record label.) Really excellent and inspiring film. Also, seeing the violinist and cellist in Gretta’s band made my day! 🙂 I am definitely open to playing more than just classical, so maybe playing in a band of some sorts while holding down a day job would be an option. Also I just really enjoyed the cast; I love all the actors and musicians who starred in this film, especially Keira Knightley and Mark Ruffalo! 🙂

Here’s the trailer for Begin Again:

Begin Again. 2013. Rated R for language.

Historic Profile: Gladys Bentley (1907-1960)

April 10, 2019

Categories: LGBTQ+

This past February The New York Times published an issue of obituaries dedicated to influential African-American figures who never got an obituary when they died. One of these figures is Gladys Bentley, a queer entertainer who defied gender standards at the time.

Bentley was born in 1907 and raised in Philadelphia, and it was a very unpleasant childhood because her parents were homophobic and couldn’t accept their daughter’s sexuality. To escape this painful reality she played piano and wrote songs, and moved to New York City at the age of 16 to perform in illict bars. One of these bars was the Clam House, Harlem’s hub for LGBTQ+ people. Even though Gladys used she/her pronouns in public, she was the first prominent performer at the time to identify as trans. During the Prohibition Era, there was less stringency on what was allowed in the entertainment industry, so people were more relaxed about Gladys expressing herself. But as time went on and the Great Depression hit America, the public lost favor with Gladys and the police even cracked down on one of her performances, so she left NYC and moved to Los Angeles, where she once again gained her status as the leading queer entertainer there. She performed mainly at Mona’s 440 Club, the first lesbian bar in San Francisco. In the 1950s, Joseph McCarthy instilled anti-Communist ideologies in the public mind, and so any individual thought to be working against the government faced serious punishment. McCarthy mainly attacked artists and LGBTQ+ people, and so under this threat, Gladys changed her image to appeal to a straight audience and underwent hormone treatments to try and make herself straight. In 1960, she died from flu while studying to be a Christian minister.

I remember taking a course in The Harlem Renaissance, and I vaguely remember learning about Gladys Bentley in he course. The Harlem Renaissance was a crucial time in which Black queer people such as James Baldwin, academic Alain Locke, and Bentley flourished. Reading Bentley’s obituary taught me the importance of recognizing those people who are often forgotten in history. The pain she suffered as a queer person of color is so real, even for today in an age where more queer POCs have mediums through which they can make their stories heard and help shift the public’s consciousness. I often take it for granted that we have public figures such as RuPaul and Todrick Hall, but the fact that it isn’t until centuries after her death that Bentley got recognized in The New York Times once again taught me to always educate myself on the people who don’t make it into the history textbooks, who don’t get a huge social media following. I also take it for granted now that LGBTQ+ artists such as myself can express themselves without the government always punishing them or censoring them for their work, but back then Gladys Bentley had to try and change her sexuality because she was literally fighting for her safety against the government. It reminded me of Alan Turing in The Imitation Game and how deep-seated homophobia was in Britain during the 19th and 20th century (Turing was forced to undergo painful hormonal therapy to try and make him not gay anymore. All it did was cause him misery, to be honest.) Reading Bentley’s obituary taught me that I must make my own voice heard so that I can inspire other young queer artists (especially queer artists of color) who somehow think their voice doesn’t matter. Because trust me, these narratives matter and it’s how we can gradually bring about more open dialogue about LGBTQ+ people of color in history.

So I thank you Gladys from the bottom of my heart, for being a pioneer for queer POC artists everywhere.

Movie Review: Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping

April 8, 2019

Categories: movies

I just finished watching the film Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping, a mockumentary from the mind of Judd Apatow, Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone and Akiva Schaffer of the music group The Lonely Island. I have seen many of The Lonely Island’s music videos before (“Lazy Sunday”, “Threw it On the Ground”, “I’m on a Boat”), so I was really excited to watch this film when it came out. But I of course at the time didn’t think I was emotionally ready to see it, and sure enough, I read on the advisory content review and there is some graphic nudity in it. But then I just decided, if I want to watch this film, I can just close my eyes when they feature the nudity scenes. So I closed my eyes for the first half of the movie because I didn’t know when it was going to happen, but then I knew where the scene was thanks to the movie reviews of the advisory content, so I didn’t have to watch it with any surprise.

The film is basically making fun of the phenomenon of celebrity and how it impacts us when we are young. While it doesn’t specifically mention it’s making fun of Justin Bieber, the title of the film suggests that it is a parody of Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never and based on the way Conner abuses his fame, it definitely looked like it was a parody of Justin Bieber’s rise to fame. In the film, Conner chronicles his life growing up as a drum prodigy and making music with his friends as part of a group called The Style Boyz (a cheesy play on stereotypical male pop groups such as The Backstreet Boys.) The Style Boyz produce all of these very silly-sounding albums and make it big, but then, in stereotypical boy pop group fashion, they break up. Owen, the DJ, does his own thing, and Lawrence moves to a farm in Colorado where he does woodcarving for a living because he was done with the pressures of fame. One of the funniest scenes was when Conner is singing a song in concert called “I’m So Humble,” where he talks about how little he shows off his ostentatious lifestyle even as he is performing on a large stage with all these showy expensive props (including a pricey Adam Levine hologram who sings the chorus.) Conner’s performance is a dig at celebrities who do something called “humblebragging,” which is where successful people try to act as if their success is nothing while, in reality, they are trying to make themselves feel good about themselves by showing off their success. Basically, when someone humble-brags, they act modest when they are actually bragging. Conner tries to seem modest but he actually has an extremely inflated sense of self.

I also liked the film featured interviews by several real musicians and actors, such as DJ Khaled, A$AP Rocky, Carrie Underwood, Nas, Ringo Starr, and Simon Cowell. Sarah Silverman also plays Conner’s publicity agent. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it was for the people in this film to not keep a straight face because The Lonely Island is hilarious, and during these interviews the artists seemed so earnest about their love of Conner (which the film is supposed to make fun of.) In another scene, Deborah (played by Maya Rudolph) releases a series of home appliances that play Conner’s songs when in use. The refrigerators and dishwashers play “I’m So Humble” and his other hits when you open them, and this whole scene just adds to the overall goofy nature of the mockumentary. To add insult to injury, this brand of Conner-brand appliances causes immediate power outages around the world and CMZ (a parody of the entertainment channel TMZ) roasts Conner (Chelsea Peretti, who plays Gina alongside Andy Samberg’s Jake Peralta in Brooklyn 99, makes an appearance as one of the CMZ staff.)

Honestly, I am really glad I saw this film. After seeing A Star is Born and crying my eyes out later, I needed to watch a movie about the music industry that would make me go to sleep laughing instead of crying.

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping. 1 hr 27 min. Rated R for some graphic nudity, language throughout, sexual content and drug use.

Movie Review: In A Star is Born, the Music Industry Culture of Fame Takes a Dark Toll on Its Artists’ Mental Health (CW: substance abuse, mental illness, suicide and spoilers)

April 4, 2019

Categories: movies

8/5/21: as I rewrote this review, I realized how many generalizations I may have made at the expense of a lot of musicians who actually work in the recording industry. A movie cannot speak for the entire industry, and as someone who has not worked in the pop music industry I can’t speak from personal experience, so a lot of what you read here take with a grain of salt.

At first I didn’t think I could watch A Star is Born in the evening, because for me, watching gut-wrenching drama films at night before I go to bed is like having me watch Paranormal Activity at two o’clock in the morning (not that I would have the confidence to go see something that scary, let alone that late at night, or let alone at all. I am squeamish to a T.) But alas, here I am writing this review, and no tear duct has been shed from my orbs.

I wanted to cry. I really did. However, I was so busy digesting all the tough-love lessons of the film that I really couldn’t elicit any emotion other than a sense of unfairness that I feel about how the music industry treats women and especially people with mental health issues. I could no longer just sit and cry because I knew my tears would do nothing to address the real issue that the film portrays: mental illness and the stigma associated with getting help. So I took to writing this review to raise awareness of the issue, to do my part for the community. Like I mentioned earlier, I was deeply curious about how the music community was addressing mental health issues, and especially in the classical music community because the business of being an orchestra musician can feel like a total nightmare when you struggle with any kind of mental health issue. When you prepare for an audition, you are literally shaking in your boots, but it’s more than just mere nervousness. It feels like that dark cloud over your mind is going to swallow you up and prevent you from performing your best, let alone living your life. So after taking a hiatus from any heavy performing or auditioning, I decided to take matters into my own hands and do my own research on the topic of mental health and musicians, because Lady Gaga, at the Grammys this year when she won for her song “Shallow” from the movie, told it like it was: a lot of artists deal with mental health issues and we need to not only support each other through our mental health issues, but also seek out help for our mental health issues as well.

I completely agree, so it’s no wonder that, when I Googled “mental health and musicians” today I came across so many stories about how singer Justin Bieber had to take a break from touring so he could spend more time with his wife Hailey Baldwin and also take care of himself, or that rapper Big Sean had to cancel touring last year to get help for his anxiety and depression. Honestly, it’s weird as a fellow musician who also struggled with mental health issues to say this, but it goes to show how the entertainment industry still has a ways to go in how it churns out musicians and then spits them out to struggle through their issues alone. Somehow this seems dangerously toxic to me, and it’s why I am glad I am not yet a professional musician. I spent the longest time trying to figure out what my mission as a musician was, and I think, more than ever, I need to use my music to address the problem of mental health stigma. Yes, more people are becoming aware of the psychological toll of fame and celebrity, but still, films such as A Star is Born clearly show that there is a long, long way to go.

The film opens with a performance by Jackson Maine, a country rock singer who has had a long career on the road. We see him pop some pills before he gets onstage, and while he gives an electrifying performance, seeing those pills presents just the beginning of a very disturbing, grim and realistic portrait of the life of an artist struggling with depression and addiction. Jackson, throughout the film, is constantly drinking, smoking and, later on, snorting cocaine. Ally, on the other hand, is a struggling singer who works as a server at a high-maintenance restaurant. When I first saw this scene, I immediately thought about the film La La Land, where we see Mia working as a barista and dealing with a boss who could care less about her dreams of becoming an actress. When her boss schedules her on a day she has an audition, Mia tries to tell her she has an audition and can’t work, but her boss tells her she doesn’t care and to skip the audition so she can cover her shifts. Jackson goes into a drag bar and watches Ally perform “La Vie En Rose.” He is so moved by the performance that he goes to her dressing room to meet her and they immediately hit it off. When they go to a bar afterwards to hang out, he shares a very important message about what it takes to be a true artist. Ally tells him she doesn’t think she will make it because everyone keeps telling her she isn’t pretty enough to be famous, and that men constantly tell her she is a good singer but that she doesn’t have the looks of a singer. This shows how women in the music industry are pressured to look a certain way and further suggests why it’s so important for young women to embrace their beauty as it is so that other people don’t try and tell them differently. But Jack tells her that she looks beautiful and even says that he struggles with tinnitus but still made it as a musician. He says a quote that really stuck with me throughout the film, and that is that “talent comes everywhere. Everybody’s talented…but having something to say, and the way to say it so that people listen to it, that’s a whole other bag. Unless you try and go out there and do it, you’ll never know.” (A Star is Born) It made me think about how, in any career, women typically wait until they have all of the qualifications before applying for a job (I’m one of those ladies) and suffer from imposter syndrome. Ally thinks she cannot be successful, but Jack thinks she can.

Update from the next day…(aka I have had more time to digest this film after pondering it day and night. It literally kept me up.)

The movie also raised some very important thoughts for me, and I’m going to just list them in bullet points because frankly, I am choking up now thinking of the film even though I wasn’t before, and I need to get these out here before I get stressed. After researching mental health and musicians more today, I decided to just take a break from research and just write my thoughts. It has been cathartic to do so, and it’s really going to keep me from thinking about how good but also how stressful this movie was:

  • What is the meaning of pop music? In the film a famous recording producer, Rez Gavron, who offers Ally several opportunities after seeing her perform. But then he has her go from doing country rock music to dancing hip-hop. While I can see why Ally would keep an open mind and go for these opportunities, it feels as if she lost a huge part of herself being on such a big label such as Interscope Records. And this is a problem, because she used to know herself pretty well enough to keep her day job while she did music, but when she went big she tried to tell Rez to not mess up her sense of self and make her something she isn’t, but Rez wants her to stick with his vision and not her own, so he tells her to dye her hair and has her live in this super extravagant living space. Which is nice at the beginning, but then Jackson loses faith in Ally and goes further into himself, telling her that all this pop fame isn’t her. Then again, the orange hair and hip-hop electronic dance moves are classic Lady Gaga.
  • Can two artists coexist? In the film La La Land, Mia is an actress and Sebastian is a jazz musician. They try to make it work, and Mia quits her job at the coffee shop to write her own plays (which is a risky move, as the film shows, because no one comes to the play she directed and she gives up.) But then Sebastian gets an opportunity to play with his friend, who tells him he needs to play other genres besides jazz because he can barely afford to pay his rent by playing jazz gigs alone. Sebastian tells Mia he’s going on tour, but then Mia tells him she wants to stay and pursue her acting career. The movie shows that if Mia and Sebastian got married, it would be really hard. And in A Star is Born, this idea is taken a step further because Jack and Ally do get married, but then as Ally becomes more famous and mainstream, Jack loses popularity and Bobby even replaces him with a younger musician at his performance. Jack soon loses faith in himself and becomes more involved with substances. When Ally wins a Grammy for Best New Artist, Jack drunkenly comes on stage and accidentally urinates on himself while she’s giving her speech. It is then that he is sent to treatment and Rez tells him to stay away from Ally because his marriage to her nearly ruined her career.
  • Women are held at very stressful standards in the pop music industry. Ariana Grande said that sporadically releasing music has proven to be more helpful for her mental health than following the incredibly structured high pressure plan that record labels expect female pop artists to adhere to. Ally, in the film, gets all these opportunities to be a star, but she never really gets to express herself anymore. At first she was very down-to-earth, but all it took was some egotistical micromanagey guy (aka Rez) to control her image for her. In one scene, Ally is recording a demo and the producers behind the screen keep telling her to start over because she is nervous, but then Jack has them bring out a piano and she just naturally becomes comfortable playing it with him. I still think it is interesting that Ally needs a man to boost her self-worth though; what if Ally had a female mentor? Would it have been a different relationship or the same? I’m not saying I hated the dynamic between Jack and Ally at all; I thought it was sweet. Also, Bradley Cooper directed this film and him and Lady Gaga wrote the songs, so I ain’t mad. 🙂 I am just thinking of other theoretical possibilities for the story line. I thought about the film Cadillac Records, and how in the film Leonard Chess controlled much of Etta James’s career, when in reality Etta James held her own in an industry that was macho. Leonard treats Etta as if she was irrational and angry all the time, and she tries to push back against all the pressure that the industry puts on her. So did she really need Leonard to make her feel accomplished? This is just a parallel I made watching A Star is Born.
  • Is suicide really the fault of musicians? Or does the overall industry play a part in it, too? At the end Jack commits suicide after breaking his sobriety and finding his old bottle of pills (this was the part that was extremely difficult to watch), and Ally is crying and Bobby tells her that it was Jack’s fault, not her or Bobby’s fault, that he committed suicide. Was it solely his fault, though? Sometimes I think people who have never gone through mental health issues assume that it’s the musician’s fault when they hurt themselves, but a huge part of me told me that the culture of the music industry, not merely Jack’s personal history with drug abuse and depression, played a more-than-significant role in his suicide. We need to stop perpetuating this idea that “oh we couldn’t control it, it just happened.” The music industry is incredibly competitive and even encourages people to party hard, do drugs and drink when they are stressed. The constant pressure of celebrity is what drove Avicii, Mac Miller, Amy Winehouse to their deaths. I’m not saying a glass of wine or two is bad. However, substance abuse is a whole nother animal, and throughout the film I couldn’t help but be pissed when Ally, Bobby, Rez and everyone else told Jack he needed to “clean up his act.” I know it’s hard to support folks when they struggle with something so subjective and deeply rooted in their personal life, but there needs to be better measures for how to address mental health issues in the music community. I just found this part incredibly frustrating as a musician who struggled with mental health issues before.
  • Hearing loss is huge in the music industry. Bobby has Jack put on a pair of earphones for this tinnitus, and Jack, under the influence of hard drugs, tells him he can go stick them somewhere else. I idealized the idea of playing at loud concerts, but because I have sensitive ears, I think I will pass on not wearing some kind of protection for my ears.
  • Being a tortured artist isn’t cute or funny. Nico Muhly talks about this in an interview he did about classical musicians and mental health, and how we need to stop perpetuating this romanticized idea of the tortured composer or musician or artist in general. While a lot of artists suffer from mental health issues, we cannot let our mental health issues try to define who we are as artists because it can lead to our self-destruction and potentially deaths. A Star is Born clearly shows how destructive it is to perpetuate the tortured artist myth.
  • Is fame worth it? I know in real life, Lady Gaga has achieved so many things, but she still gets idolized. I used to idolize all these famous people, but I realize that they are human, and this film shows how dangerous it is to deify regular human beings who just happened to pursue their passion for years and earned money from it. In one poignant scene, a heckler interrupts Ally and Jack’s conversation to tell him how he thinks Jack looks like someone he really hates, and pressures Jack to take a photo with him so he can show his ex-wife. Ally then beats the heckler up, and they escape to a grocery store so Jack can get some peas for Ally’s smashed hand. The store clerk, while checking out the peas, stealthily takes a photo of Jack and Ally while they are talking, but the lady’s not quick enough and they catch her in the act. While Jack treats it as if it was just a part of being famous for so long, Ally is, rightfully, not okay with it. This really taught me that if I meet anyone famous, such as Bradley Cooper or Lady Gaga, in any common public place, it would be more than stupid to chase them down for an autograph or take a photo of them without their consent. It would be just a straight-up invasion of privacy. Most, if not all, celebs aren’t thinking, ” Well if more people took my photo while I was out with my kids, I would feel better than I already feel.” Most, if not all, “celebs” are just human beings who love what they do and treat their music-making and film-making as a job like any other, and it is a job because it’s their profession that takes up most of their time. So it’s a waste of their creative space to ask them for autographs–they just want to live their lives. So again, I will try and be mindful of this now that I have seen this film.

As I am now emotionally exhausted from writing this review, I leave you with two clips, one of Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper playing “Shallow” and another of her performing it at the Grammys. Both are performances which I will have to take a hiatus from listening to because even just thinking about them is making me quite tearful now that I have seen this incredibly tearful movie. I cried watching both of these performances when they came out and haven’t stopped crying. They put so much soul into it that it’s hard to not appreciate their hard work.

Overall, excellent film and one that will stick with me for a very, very long time. Gosh, I’m already tearing up just thinking about it. It seriously deserved all the awards that it received this year. This review, no matter how long, can never convey how amazing and heartfelt and deep this film was for me. Thank you Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga. I know I should see the original versions, I was just too impatient to see this film.

A Star is Born. 2 hr 14 min. Rated R for language throughout, some sexuality/ nudity and substance abuse.

Book Review: Queen of Babble by Meg Cabot

April 11, 2019

Categories: books

I just finished the novel Queen of Babble, by Princess Diaries author Meg Cabot. I, like a lot of folks, am a huge fan of Meg Cabot and while I didn’t read all of The Princess Diaries books, I managed to devour All-American Girl (the first book and its sequel) and Princess Lessons (I’m pretty sure I read the first book in The Princess Diaries after seeing the Disney classic with Anne Hathaway. Princess Lessons is a sort of follow-up to the series.) However, I heard about Queen of Babble but thought I wasn’t old enough to read it since I was a preteen reading YA books. I am glad I got to savor it this time though, because it is FUNNY. After reading so many serious depressing books I needed to read something that was going to help me sleep at night.

It’s about this young woman named Lizzie, who lives in England with her boyfriend, Andrew, and his parents. Andrew works as a waiter to pay his way through school, but then he gambles all his money with some friends and is now broke, so he files for unemployment benefits. But Lizzie gives away the fact that Andrew is working already, jeopardizing Andrew’s chance at getting unemployment benefits and his relationship with Lizzie. When he asks Lizzie for more money, Lizzie loses trust in him and goes to visit her friend Shari and Shari’s boyfriend, Chaz, in France for a wedding they are attending. On the train to France, Lizzie meets a dashing man named Jean-Luc (Luke for short.) Honestly, throughout this book I kept envisioning Timothee Chalamet playing this guy. They have the same looks (dark curly hair and seductive eyes) and are sensitive beings. Also, considering Timothee spent a lot of his summers in France and his dad is French, and Jean-Luc is French, this would be a casting choice that would make any of us swoon with joy. But Lizzie finds out Luke already has a girlfriend even with their very intimate encounter on the train, and it turns out this pretentious girlfriend, Dominique, doesn’t like Lizzie all that much. The thing that really gets Lizzie involved in everything going on at the de Villiers estate is the wedding for Luke’s cousin, Vicky. Here is where Lizzie’s passion and skills for fashion are put to the test; she discovers many designer dresses when at the estate, dresses that people would normally not care much for, and she comes to learn more about herself than she ever did living with Andrew back in England.

Lizzie reminded me so much of Miriam Maisel, the title character of the TV series The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. In the show, Miriam is a mother of two kids who lives in a traditional American 1950s home. She seems to be happy as Joel, her husband, goes off to work every day, but then she finds out he has been cheating on her with his secretary, Penny. Joel works a traditional 9-5 job and brings home the bacon, but he also performs at the local comedy club in the evenings because he wants to be a stand-up comedian. Unfortunately, most of his jokes are weak, but after Midge leaves Joel, she drinks heavily one night and does a stand-up routine that catches the attention of Susie, who books the gigs at the club. Like Lizzie, Midge voices her opinion and doesn’t apologize for it, but her chattiness also gets her in trouble with relationships. One time Midge does an act where she badmouths a famous comedian and it backfires on her; she also does an act where she publicly insults her father’s work at a lab and his relationship with her mother. But although Midge’s loquacious nature has gotten her in hot water with those closest to her, she also speaks truth, especially when it comes to addressing issues of sexism. During her first gig at the comedy club, she lets loose on how Joel cheated on her for Penny and curses so much that the police arrest her for “indecency.” Midge’s willingness to speak truth and not be afraid of calling people out on their stuff (especially chauvinist male comedians who talk down to her) meant a lot during that time, especially because women were still expected to not speak up about social issues.

Lizzie ends up developing a close friendship with Agnes, the resident au-pair at the de Villiers’s estate, because she is so unassuming and doesn’t come from the prestige of Luke or Dominique’s background. In one scene, Agnes brings over a delicious-sounding sandwich (which sounds like pain au chocolat) consisting of a Hershey bar wrapped in a French baguette (oh gosh, just thinking about it is giving me ASMR tingles…) and while everyone else turns up their nose at it (Shari, Chaz, Dominique), Lizzie eats it because she knows it is rude to say “no” when Agnes went through the trouble of making them such a delicious sandwich. Also, she eats it and thinks it tastes out of this world, so of course she wouldn’t turn down something so delicious. On a side note, this makes me think that I need to be more gracious when I go to another country and people offer me food that I cannot eat. In India, I felt bad because I couldn’t drink chai or eat sweets since they had dairy in them, and so one of my fellow classmates told me she would eat the sweets for me, but that I should take one because it was good manners. I mean, how would I feel if I went through the trouble of making a delicious dish and then find out the person I was offering it to didn’t want it? It probably would feel like a punch in the gut.

The book also reminded me of The Clique by Lisi Harrison. In the series Massie Block is a rich New Yorker who is popular and has a group of friends who gossip and are just straight-up vain. Claire Lyons is an enthusiastic girl from Florida who moves with her family to Massie’s guesthouse. Massie wants nothing to do with Claire, but Claire wants to be friends with her. But because Massie is the stereotypical Regina George-style mean girl, she and her friends do everything in their power to put Claire down, to make her feel small. Dominique reminded me of Massie, and Lizzie reminded me of Claire. I was also feeling elements of Bridesmaids and Legally Blonde while reading Queen of Babble because these films feature women who don’t conform to the rules and, as outsiders, gain a very unique perspective on life, like Lizzie gains a new perspective by being this super outgoing person among people who keep to themselves.

This book also taught me the importance of loving yourself and using your untapped potential to discover new opportunities. Lizzie thinks her fashion degree or retail work won’t get her anywhere because other people tell her it’s useless, but when she is tasked with fixing Vicky’s wedding dress, her self-confidence is put to the test and she learns how to actually put her skills to use and overcome that imposter syndrome that tells her no one cares about what she does with fashion. Lizzie’s struggle to make her career viable reminds me of my own self; I struggle with the idea of a music career because many people aren’t far from the truth when they say it is very hard to have a full-time career in music, and I also think that it’s really what you make of it. Yes, music opportunities are hard to find, but I have learned to work on my own personal creative projects, such as this blog, so that I don’t have to limit myself in terms of how I see myself as a musician. I also sometimes fall into that self-pity pit where I think no one cares about philosophy majors or musicians or writers, and then I try to block out these thoughts each time they come up by writing, playing music, or thinking with a critical eye about the world around me wherever I find myself. It’s also important to have loved ones to be there to give you the real when things are rough; Lizzie’s grandmother is unfiltered, and straight up tells Lizzie to stop with the tears and just leave Andrew. She tells Lizzie to not give up, that she will have a boyfriend, and to go see her friend Shari instead of dwell on Andrew. In fact, she’s pretty much the only one in Lizzie’s family to let Lizzie do her own thing and encourage her to not come back home.

Overall, I really love this book (especially when Lizzie and a certain someone get together and kiss. For the sake of prospective readers, I will not tell who this special someone is) and cannot wait to read the sequel! 🙂

Queen of Babble: A Novel. Meg Cabot. 309 pp. 2007.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. Oh. My. Gosh

April 23, 2020

Categories: Uncategorized

Cheesy blog post title, but it’s a legitimate reaction! It was THAT. GOOD. I promised one of my friends I would watch it so we could have a philosophical discussion about it (Star Wars has a lot of philosophical themes in it.) But I put it off, watching other movies and doing other things. So I finally took the time to rent it online, and I was in for a surprise. Is it just me or did my heart keep pounding every time Adam Driver (Ben Solo/ Kylo Ren) or Oscar Isaac (Poe) showed up on screen? I swear, I literally could not stop looking, they are both HEARTTHROBS. Of course, Adam Driver plays an evil person, but I have seen him in other movies (funny enough, Adam Driver and Oscar Isaac were both in Inside Llewyn Davis, one of my favorite films) and seriously, my romantic feelings for him has never died. Also, John Boyega is everything in this movie. 🙂

Of course, I would be remiss if I were to spend the entire blog post gushing over these heartthrobs. Because let’s face it, these men would not be anywhere without K.A.W. (Kick Ass Women) like Princess Leia and Rey to save their skins when they got in trouble. Honestly, I didn’t care much about Star Wars a few years ago, but after I started watching them, I have a deeper appreciation for Carrie Fisher and the powerful legacy she left as Leia. The film is also very much in line with my Buddhist beliefs, because Rey and Leia have this mentor-disciple relationship, which in Buddhism means that the mentor trains the disciple to carry on the legacy of kosen-rufu, or world peace, and even surpass the mentor in their efforts. President Ikeda (this is a brief bio of him and his life) was a disciple of Josei Toda in the early days of the Soka Gakkai, and Mr. Toda wanted Mr. Ikeda to continue his mission to foster a better world through peace, culture and dialogue. Even though Mr. Ikeda doubted his capabilities along the way, Mr. Toda encouraged him to not give up and trained him along the way. Mr. Toda saw Mr. Ikeda’s sincere and tireless efforts to propagate Nichiren Buddhism and help Mr. Toda with his failing business even when his other colleagues lost faith in Mr. Toda.

Similarly, even know Leia knew Rey was the granddaughter of the evil Emperor Palpatine (Darth Sidious) she trained Rey because she saw her heart and spirit, the character of a true Jedi. When Rey is frustrated and tries to discard her lightsaber, Luke Skywalker appears as a memory and tells her she is better than that, telling her that she needs to confront her fear of herself and her heritage because the destiny of a Jedi is to confront fear. This ties in well to the concepts of “changing karma into mission” and overcoming “fundamental darkness.” Karma, from a Nichiren Buddhist perspective, is the accumulation of causes we have made in past lifetimes and in this present lifetime (through thoughts, words and deeds) that manifest themselves as effects in certain times and in certain conditions. We cannot fathom our karma from past lifetimes because it’s deep and hard to reverse what we did in the past. We may not know why we have a certain personality trait or why we work with certain people at our jobs or why we are born in the families we are born in. This karma continues on to our next lifetimes. It may seem like fate, that we are doomed to our karma and must suffer through it. But when we change karma into mission (in the Lotus Sutra teaching on which Nichiren Buddhism is founded, this is called “voluntarily assuming the appropriate karma”) we come to understand that certain events in our lives happen for a reason, namely so we can encourage people who are suffering. President Ikeda says, in an Introduction to Buddhism, that bodhisattvas (a Sanskrit word for beings who strive to attain Buddhahood, or enlightenment, by helping others achieve this enlightenment as well) gained rewards for their next lifetimes because of the good causes they made in the past, but these bodhisattvas chose instead to give up these rewards and be born in an age in which human beings suffer so that they can teach people about the Lotus Sutra and help them overcome the suffering they endure due to negative causes they might have made in their past lives. When we chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo and help others do the same, we come to realize that we go through hardships so that we can experience personal growth and lead richer and more profound lives, and moreover show our friends, family, coworkers and others that if we can overcome our suffering, then they can, too. We can experience joy even when we are suffering the worst karma, and this can give other people who are going through problems hope that they can also become happy even when in painful circumstances.

We don’t know what causes Rey made in her past lifetime for Emperor Palpatine to have been her grandfather, or why her parents got killed, or why her life is the way it is. But even though she has this karma to grapple with, Luke reminds her that she has this mission as a Jedi so she can not only save the world, but also so she can help inspire other people. In a way Luke helps Rey awaken to her Buddhahood to win against Palpatine, because he himself had to awaken to his own Buddhahood in the fight against evil (Buddhahood is the innate compassion, wisdom and courage that is innate within each individual. Everyone is a Buddha and reveals this Buddhahood through their actions in daily life.) She awakens to her mission to save the world from suffering at the crucial moment when Emperor Palpatine forces her to kill him so that she can take the throne, his disciples cheering her on to do it. But because Kylo Ren (who by this point has awakened to his identity as Ben Solo, Han Solo’s son) can read her mind, she sees him in his mind and his expression tells her, without him saying anything, that they can both overcome this evil, so instead of using her lightsaber to kill Palpatine, she passes it on to Ben so he can fight the bad guys, and she pulls out a lightsaber to fight Palpatine. When the Emperor knocks her and Ben down, Rey hears the voices of all the past leaders of the Jedi (Yoda, Qui-Gon Jinn, Leia, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker, among many others) telling her to not fear Palpatine because the Force of all the Jedi leaders lies within her and all of the causes that these Jedi leaders made in the past to fight constant evil has led to this one battle, this one chance for Rey to prove to herself and others that she is a true Jedi. To me, the Force is a symbol for Buddhahood because like Buddhahood, the Force lies within each individual and it has tremendous potential. According to George Lucas

the act of living generates a force field, an energy. That energy surrounds us; when we die, that energy joins with all the other energy. There is a giant mass of energy in the universe that has a good side and a bad side. We are part of the Force because we generate the power that makes the Force live. When we die, we become part of that Force, so we never really die; we continue as part of the Force.

George Lucas during a production meeting for The Empire Strikes Back. Quoted on “The Force” article in Wikipedia.

When people pass away, death does not take away their Buddhahood; instead, their Buddhahood transmigrates to their next lifetime. Buddhahood isn’t a realm separate from that of society, even though many Buddhist sutras before the Lotus Sutra was taught believe this; it is one of the ten states of life we can experience at any given moment. Just as Rey was in both a hellish environment and in a life state of Hell when fighting against Palpatine, she was in the world, or life state, of Buddhahood when she hears the voices of the Jedi leaders and won the fight against Palpatine, because she realized her potential to overcome her inner battle with herself. Fundamental darkness means that we cannot see our own Buddhahood, or our own life’s potential to overcome our problems and become happy, and so when the ignorance of our life’s worth clouds our perception of our environment, it’s hard to see the Buddhahood in other people and that their lives have worth, too. The devil king of the sixth heaven causes this fundamental darkness to make it hard to see our inner potential and functions to obstruct our Buddhist practice and sap the wisdom, life force, courage and compassion we need to truly become happy in life. Emperor Palpatine is a manifestation of the devil king of the sixth heaven because he does everything in his power to sap Rey of her life force and prevent her from beating him and the other evil people in his empire. He tells her she is worthless and that she has no potential to beat him. The devil king does not lie outside of us, but is a manifestation of the fundamental darkness in all of us. In a similar scene, we see Kylo Ren overcome his fundamental darkness and regain his identity as Ben Solo, when a memory of his father Han approaches him during his battle with Rey, and he tells Kylo that his identity as Kylo Ren is dead to him and that he will always see him as his son, Ben Solo, who has the potential to fight his inner evil rather than succumb to it. This scene shows how evil people like Kylo Ren have the state of Buddhahood within them, and can awaken to this Buddhahood within their lives with the help of people who tell them they have potential to awaken to the courage, wisdom and compassion within them. Only when Ben awakens to his Buddhahood is he able to see Rey’s Buddhahood, too, and help her fight against the evil forces that want to destroy society.

This scene is also a metaphor for the concept of “casting off the transient and revealing the true,” which happens when we chant Nam-myoho-renge kyo. Nichiren Daishonin, the founder of our Buddhist practice, lived at a time in Japan when people believed various Buddhist teachings and the problem with these teachings were that they didn’t teach the number one truth expounded in the Buddhist teaching of the Lotus Sutra: that everyone can attain enlightenment just as they are, and that Shakyamuni Buddha attained enlightenment in his past lifetimes rather than just in his present life in India. When he spoke out against these teachings and propagated the Lotus Sutra, the authorities persecuted him, even attempting to execute him on a beach in Tatsunokuchi (on the outskirts of Kamakura in Japan.) Just as the executioner was about to behead him, a comet flashed through the sky, and the soldiers, frightened by the light, abandoned Nichiren and failed to go through with his beheading. At that moment, Nichiren saw that, in triumphing over what is called the Tatsunokuchi Persecution, he was more than just an ordinary unenlightened person with all this karma he had to deal with from past lifetimes. While keeping his form as an ordinary human being, he awakened to his original true identity as a Buddha with unlimited wisdom and courage. This revelation manifested itself in his daily behavior toward others and so he inscribed the mandala that we chant to, called the Gohonzon, so that everyone could awaken to the power of Nam-myoho-renge-kyo in their own lives just as he did. Ren casts off his transient status as an evil Supreme Leader and awakens to his identity as Ben Solo, a Buddha that, without changing his form as an ordinary human being, can triumph over both the darkness in his mind and the darkness in society.

The movie also is a metaphor for the concept of unity in Nichiren Buddhism and in the Soka Gakkai International. Members of the Soka Gakkai International work together through chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, studying Buddhism together, sharing Buddhism with their friends and family, and making efforts at their workplaces, schools and homes, and each of these actions work in harmony with one another to foster a more just and peaceful society because through these actions, each member in the SGI can become happy and help others achieve that happiness. If there is any discord within the organization, it disrupts the unity of the SGI. It is hard to continue practicing this Buddhism without the encouragement of others, let alone the encouragement of Daisaku Ikeda and Nichiren Daishonin, so that is why we have an organization, so that each person has that network of support they need to continue in their practice. Likewise, one of the movie’s key themes is the importance of unity in the face of evil. When Poe and the rest of the Resistance are in the air fighting the Final Order fleet, Poe doubts the team’s capability to win, but Lando brings reinforcements to help combat the First Order. Earlier Poe told the Resistance that good people will fight if they lead them, and indeed they did. This scene shows that sticking together is important when fighting against evil forces. The scene also illustrated the concept of “many in body, one in mind” in Nichiren Buddhism; “many in body, one in mind” means that individuals have different personality traits, different physical characteristics and different social identities, but when they come together to spread the teachings of Nichiren Buddhism through dialogue, education and culture in their communities, they can achieve a more peaceful society. In The Rise of Skywalker, individuals in the Resistance come in many shapes, sizes and genders, and also speak various languages, but they work as a team to fulfill their desire to bring justice and peace to the galaxy. Had Rey, Poe or Finn tried to do everything by themselves, they would not have worked out their disagreements or even reached the goal of galaxy peace because their egos would have gotten in the way. When the Resistance sticks together they achieve so much, and when Rey’s heart is united with her mentors and her teammates in the Resistance, she defeats Palpatine. Rey lost her parents when she was young, so she feels like there is no one she can turn to, but she can always count on her friends to support her in tough times. Likewise, she has their back when times are hard, especially during the final fight scene.

Throughout the movie I kept thinking about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and the similarities between them. Lord Voldemort and Emperor Palpatine both look creepy, and the scene where Rey’s lightsaber is pushing back against Emperor Palpatine’s lightning reminded me of the scene in Deathly Hallows when the power from Harry’s wand is pushing back against the power from Lord Voldemort’s wand. Harry and Rey also have similar stories; both their parents got killed by bad guys (Voldemort and Palpatine respectively), but they have a great group of friends to lean on. Also, when the army of wizards gather on the Hogwarts ground to point their wands to the sky and vanquish the sign of Lord Voldemort in the sky reminded me of all the backup Lando summoned to help Poe and the Resistance fight the First Order.

I know this review was SUPER long, but I was so enthralled by the film and its connections to my religious philosophy. Star Wars is very much connected to religion in its themes, so this was a chance for me to bring my faith perspective to it. Also, kudos to John Williams for all the profound and beautiful scores he brought to Star Wars for so many years. The score was brilliant, as always, and I wish I was one of those orchestra musicians who was playing on the score for this movie because it was TIGHT! 🙂

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. 2019. 2 hr 22 min. Rated PG-13 for sci-fi violence and action.

What Elizabeth Gilbert Can Teach Us About Creativity

March 1, 2019

Categories: Uncategorized

In her 2014 TED Talk “Success, failure and the drive to keep creating,” author Elizabeth Gilbert shares with her audience the ultimate key to success in life: not giving up. Even though she says had a lot of success with her book Eat, Pray, Love, Gilbert felt that she would never become successful again and would fail with her next work. However, even though she at many times felt like she wanted to just quit writing and do other things, she realized that what she considered her home, her sanctuary, the thing that made her the woman she was, was writing. She tells the audience that she has been writing since she was a child and would often send her work to established publishers. She busted her butt as a waitress at a diner and got rejected multiple times by publishers. Nevertheless, she kept writing and writing even if it wasn’t perfect to the publishers who rejected her because she loved writing more than anything else, even more than herself. Gilbert has made me understand that writing is not a selfish pursuit and you’ve got to not only create your own work, but read and learn from others. Gilbert, like many writers, read a lot growing up. According to her biography, she worked several different jobs at bars, diners and ranches and used these experiences from her life to inspire her fictional works.

In the TED talk she reveals that even as a successful woman she still worried about feeling like a failure, and points out that too often we associate failure with feelings of shame and success with money, prosperity and recognition. However, she says that no matter what, you cannot be swayed by failure and just have to keep getting yourself to work. And she didn’t even need to quit her day job as a waitress to write full-time because if you don’t have a lot of money, it’s okay to work a day job to pay the bills while getting yourself out there as a creative. Many creatives do it, and unless their financial circumstances are perfect and somehow they can just spend their lives just pursuing their passion, they have to just keep doing it no matter what the inner critic tells them in their head. In an earlier TED talk on creative genius, she talks about how people would tell her she was going to fail after being so successful after Eat, Pray, Love as an adult, but realized that people had been telling her this ever since she was a teenager and declared she wanted to become a writer. She admitted to being afraid of failure among other things, but understood the deep-rooted stigma around creative careers.

Often creatives do struggle with mental health issues, but not all creatives do so, and yet the media has constantly associated being a creative with suffering and having all sorts of mental health issues. Mental health can affect one whatever career they find themselves in, whether it be as a chemist, a businessperson, waiter, you name it. However, even as artists it’s okay for us to take care of ourselves and not feel like we should fit society’s misconceptions of what an artist truly is. Even as a musician and writer, I need to take care of my mental health, whether that’s continuing to work at my day job or eating dinner or reading a book for fun. As an artist I realized I need to transcend my own ego to create value from my work. In the TED Talk on genius, Gilbert explains how notions of creativity changed over time; she says that the ancient Greeks and Romans believed creativity came to human beings from daemons, or an external entity, like an outside muse who would help shape the artist’s work and provide them inspiration. They did not believe in human creatives taking all the credit for their genius, but then the Renaissance came and people started replacing muses and daemons with a more “rational” artist philosophy centered on the human individual as the ultimate creator of art. Gilbert says that this shift from daemons to an ego-centered art philosophy has forced a lot of artists to place enormous pressure on themselves to the point where it becomes emotionally destructive for them to produce such high-quality art (we clearly saw this in the film Black Swan, where Nina places enormous pressure on herself to succeed as a dancer and ends up destroying herself in the process.)

Indeed, when she was writing Eat, Pray and Love she hit an impasse and thought that her work was doomed to fail and that she should just stop writing. However, she sought inspiration from the poet Ruth Stone and the musician Tom Waits, because both of these artists heard inspiration from outside themselves and caught it before it disappeared. She says that Ruth Stone would literally envision a poem running after her and so she ran to her house and furiously “grabbed” the poem by writing it on the page as fast as she could before it went flying off looking for another poet. Tom Waits, as he got older, heard a melody in his head while driving his car, and instead of worrying whether he’d lose that idea, literally looked up at the sky and said for the idea to let him drive and come back to him later. So what Gilbert did was actually look up from her manuscript at an empty spot in a wall and tell that spot that it needed to help her find inspiration instead of letting her do all the work, and that if it doesn’t show up, then she’s going to keep writing because that’s what she loves.

I really like what she said in both of these TED Talks because I think as creatives we tend to get really hard on ourselves. We consume a lot of other people’s work and while that’s good for inspiration, if we use it to compare ourselves to these other artists, we won’t really get a chance to bring our brilliant ideas to the table. In my spare time, I sought out fodder I could use for my blog, in the form of news articles, pieces on personal finance, YouTube videos. However, I came to a standstill and realized that I was consuming a lot of material and not really forming my own opinion on that material. So that’s why it helps me to get off the computer, get off my phone for a while, so that I can think without too much external stimuli. Looking up from my work or taking a break from practicing my instrument to just walk around has helped me find inspiration that I didn’t think I had before. I went the other day to a garden store and even just being outside with nice-smelling plants and fresh air helped me get out of my head and come back to why I was doing all this creative work in the first place. I really like how Gilbert talks about the history of creative philosophy because I didn’t understand why I felt so selfish pursuing writing or music, and understood that there was, along the course of history, a development of thought that began to emphasize a more self-focused approach to creativity, one where the artist takes all the credit. However, I think it’s hard to take all the credit because as artists we constantly influence one another. Lady Gaga influenced the music styles of several artists, just as Lady Gaga herself had numerous musical influences growing up. When we approach the works of others with a healthy mindset that we are going to learn from their works and then critically think about their work from our point of view, and how these works can inspire us in some way to create our own work, then we can each let our muses work at their finest and contribute to our creativity in life-changing ways.

To seek inspiration from Gilbert’s two incredibly inspirational TED Talks these videos are below.

Paterson.

April 27, 2020

Categories: movies, poetry

Honestly, I tried to take notes during this film, but this film reminds me of A Ghost Story in the sense that you miss a lot of important details if you take notes during the film. When I just put my pencil down and quit taking notes on every detail like I do for a lot of movies, I was able to appreciate the silences and the dialogues so much more, and just as I did at the end of A Ghost Story I found myself in a river of tears, wiping away snot from my face and sniffling these melodramatic sobs. If you haven’t seen A Ghost Story, it’s a film about how a young woman (Rooney Mara) must grapple with the death of her husband (Casey Affleck) after he passes away in a car accident, and how her husband, as a ghost, grapples with how his death has impacted his wife. The film doesn’t have a ton of actiony stimuli so for me I really liked this film since I don’t like films with tons of blood or frenetic action (unless it’s a chosen few Marvel and DC films. Or Get Out.) It did require me to sit and reflect rather than write too much during the film about the plot because the film’s power relies on its silences and these silences force us to grapple with our own memories of loved ones we might have lost.

To be honest, I’ve been wanting to see Paterson for a really long time, ever since it came out. But I didn’t know if I’d like it. Then I saw Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 96 percent rating, and then I knew I’d be missing out if I hadn’t seen it. Although if you’ve seen Adam Driver’s other films (The Rise of Skywalker, While We’re Young, Frances Ha, What If, BlacKkKlansman, The Last Jedi) this is a very different role than I was used to seeing him in. His roles usually involve a lot of dialogue; this role he didn’t say much, and spoke mostly through facial expressions and eyes.

Although there is not a ton of dialogue in Paterson, that’s what makes it so powerful. Paterson, the main character (also the name of city where he resides) is an introspective quiet person, and listens in on the conversations that people have on the bus he drives every day. He is also a good listener when other people are talking to him; his coworker, Donny, who always makes sure he is ready to get the bus going, opens up to him about his problems at home and Paterson, without making any kind of judgment beforehand, listens with the utmost attention to Donny. He also listens when his wife talks to him. He reminded me a lot of Richard Loving in the film Loving. Of course, the storyline for that film is different and took place during a different time, but Paterson and Richard are both introverted men who, even though they do kind things for people, wish to not be in the spotlight. Honestly, I found myself relating to Paterson in that sense; I’m an introvert and tend to like listening and writing rather than talking a lot. Paterson is also polite; he always thanks his wife for dinner and for treating him to the movies. People have told me I say “thank you” a lot (I even got pulled into a counselor’s office for being too polite to other people. I guess she thought I would become a pushover or something, which I did become, but have since learned to balance with assertiveness), so when Paterson thanked his wife for dinner in one scene and treated her to the movies to celebrate her making money from her bake sale, I couldn’t help but feel like I found a kindred soul in Paterson.

I also found myself relating to Paterson because he loves writing. Although I do not write poetry as frequently as he does, I love writing in general and also have finished some poems for a poem I book I plan to publish at some point. In the film Laura, Paterson’s wife, reminds him that he needs to make copies of his poems and publish them someday, but he never gets around to it. When his dog rips up his notebook when they are out and about, Paterson dismisses it, saying that they were just a bunch of words that didn’t mean much. However, his wife, disagrees, and tells him she wishes he kept some of the poems. I’m the same way. After I read my poems for my poetry book I couldn’t help but cringe because I’m a tough critic on myself, and I even felt I couldn’t write poetry. But I don’t think many poets or writers or really any artist in general have ever felt that their work is the best from the get-go. In real life, Adam Driver has said that he is uncomfortable watching himself onscreen and walked out of an NPR interview with Terry Gross because they played a clip of him singing in his recent film Marriage Story. Maybe I would have walked out on an interview if people played a clip of me performing my music, maybe I wouldn’t have, but at any rate I could kind of relate to Adam and Paterson’s feelings towards their own work. People say it’s helpful as a musician to go back and listen to yourself play, and sometimes I have done that, but when I hear myself play I always sound either really out of tune or choppy or look bored, angry, constipated, or a mixture of all three when I play, even though I’m trying to show my passion for the music. Maybe if I stop listening to my insecure ego so much I can listen to recordings of myself with less judgment, but then again even the most successful people who are awesome at what they do don’t enjoy looking at their work when they are finished, mostly because the process of making the finished product is draining and when you’re finished with the product you don’t even want to deal with it anymore. Some actors have said on the contrary, they enjoy the process of making the product; they just don’t watch it when finished. Maybe it’s just part of being an artist; few if any artists are totally satisfied with what they do. Then again, you don’t see me going back and reading these blog posts because frankly, they are long and boring to read, even to myself who wrote the darn pieces. Same with my music; I rarely go back and listen to recordings of myself because I know I can always be improving on my performance, and it just doesn’t sound like me when I go back and listen to it, more like my doppelganger or an impersonator of me. It probably comes from years of having cello instructors and orchestra teachers who pushed me to never settle and to always be improving; that in and of itself is a huge ego-buster, and I’m pretty grateful for that.

Also, I love the movie because it reminded me of a book I read called Peace, Justice, and the Poetic Mind: Conversations on the Path of Nonviolence by Stuart Rees, professor emeritus at the University of Sydney and former director of the Sydney Peace Foundation, and Daisaku Ikeda, president of the Soka Gakkai International (SGI) and humanist philosopher. In their dialogue, Mr. Ikeda and Dr. Rees discuss the importance of culture and education in creating a more peaceful society, and in particular, the power of poetry as a means to do so. Dr. Rees says to Mr. Ikeda that he constantly uses poetry in his lectures and talks about social justice issues because poetry isn’t just for students taking Western literature classes. Whether you’re a biochemistry major, a religious studies major, or undecided about your major, all students should be given exposure to poetry. Dr. Rees also uses poetry in his lectures because in many parts of the world, poets write about conflicts and use their work to spark a dialogue about how to resolve those conflicts and foster peaceful communities. According to author and Civil Rights activist Vincent Harding, with whom Mr. Ikeda has spoken in a book called America Will Be!, “the arts should be at the heart of an education that helps us to become more human. Poetry, especially, gives us some creative ways to think about the story of our lives. This is because poets are constantly trying to reach into the depths of our reality… Poetry can remind us that we have the capacity to create–the capacity of telling and understanding our stories.” (Quoted from page 125 of Peace, Justice and the Poetic Mind. Original source: Harding and Ikeda, America Will Be! p 209)

In the film, Paterson’s poems seem simple and unremarkable, but looking at it from a Buddhist perspective, his poetry served as a way to communicate his life story, his lived experience. Even if the sights he observed and the people he listened to seemed like everyday things, there is this precious beauty in the way that Paterson takes the ordinary and finds some way to create value from these everyday things. He also makes it a habit of writing every day, and that reminds me of President Ikeda, who wrote his serialized novel The New Human Revolution every day even if he was tired, so that he could leave a record of his travels around the world and his dialogues with world leaders and his mentor, Josei Toda. He has also published The Sun of Youth, a series of poems he wrote calling for young people to stand up against injustice and awaken to their inherent potential, or Buddhahood, in their own lives as well as help others to awaken to their inner Buddhahood, too. The poems are all incredibly beautiful, and they all champion everyday people like you and me. And people like Paterson who live ordinary lives as human beings. There is one poignant scene toward the end when Paterson is sitting on the bench with a man he just met who traveled to Paterson and is flying back to Japan the next day. They have a short but deep dialogue about their shared love for William Carlos Williams and Frank O’Hara, both American poets. Even though Paterson tells the man he is not a poet, the man gives him a blank poetry notebook, implying that because of their shared connection through poetry that Paterson has another chance to write poetry after his dog ripped up his old poetry notebook. It was this dialogue where Paterson and the gentleman saw each others’ Buddha nature, or humanity, and this interaction was a sign from the universe that Paterson needs to, hopefully, listen to his wife, write those poems and then publish them so that people can be moved by his poetry.

I remember studying poetry in high school and college English classes (and a course in Afro-American Studies) but there was a lot of analysis and dissection of the poems required for classwork and homework that I lost my love of poetry for a while. This movie reminded me that one can appreciate poetry even in a non-classroom setting. Paterson works a full-time job, but he still makes time to write. I think the key to his creating this habit is that he lives in the moment when he writes and isn’t so caught up in the perfection of the poem or how it might sound to other people. There’s this idea that one has to quit their day job in order to follow their passion so they can make the “best art,” but this film served as a beautiful, down-to-earth reminder that you don’t have to, and really shouldn’t, quit your day job in order to make art. I think a lot of films and media tend to perpetuate this idea, like the film La La Land. Mia thinks she needs to quit her day job in order to make more time for her acting career, but in reality she works hard at staging a play and no one attends it, so she has to move back home because she’s broke and cannot pay her bills without a job. I, too, once thought I needed to quit my various day jobs in order to be a full-time musician, but turns out a lot of artists, such as Paterson, have some sort of day job because, like, #people out here gotta pay bills and eat (7/28/21: and as time goes on, I also realize that it’s not just about paying bills. Day jobs give you new sets of useful skills that can be used in any creative field you pursue.) Paterson’s poems are actually quite beautiful because they are inspired by his everyday experiences: him waking up next to his wife, him riding through the city every day, him sitting outside in nature. He just takes this everyday and runs with it in his writing. Also, he reads other writers, so that helps with his creative process.

I think because he has this appreciation for the everyday and the written word he was able to appreciate the small moments, such as when he encounters a man rapping a spoken word while waiting for his clothes to finish washing and drying at the laundromat. When Paterson asks him if the laundromat is his laboratory for his poetry creation, the man tells him wherever inspiration strikes is where he is going to create the lyrics. This spoke to me because as I said earlier, the only time I was really encouraged to study poetry was in the classroom, but too often we don’t think of song lyrics as constituting poetry, but after watching this movie, I appreciate rap as a form of poetry now. In an old article I read about the evolution of rap (I think it was National Geographic’s 2005 issue on Africa) and it has its roots in West African traditions. Griots in West African traditions play a variety of roles: storyteller, poet, historian, musician, and they communicate narratives through their voices, and so this tradition has continued today in rap music.

Before watching the film I barely knew anything about Paterson, New Jersey, other than when I read a Wikipedia article on it that was linked to the Wikipedia page on the film Paterson. The film helped me appreciate the city more, and while of course it wasn’t overtly a documentary about the city, Paterson drives past and discusses many sites with the people he encounters. He and Doc, the owner of the bar Paterson frequents, talk about famous people who lived in Paterson, such as the comedy duo Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, and the rapper Fetty Wap. It says a lot that Paterson is able to take in his surroundings, and part of the reason I think he is able to do this is because he doesn’t have a phone in which he can bury his eyes and not make eye contact with anyone or anything. After Doc’s wife comes into the bar and yells at Doc for using the money she needed to get her hair done for his niece’s wedding, Doc pulls out his smartphone and starts looking at it. When Paterson asks Doc if he is okay, Doc asks him point-blank why he still doesn’t have a cell phone. Paterson tells him he lives just fine without one, and when Doc asks if his wife also doesn’t have a cell phone, Paterson says that on the contrary, she has a phone, a tablet and other gadgets but she’s fine with him not using a cell phone. What I like about this film is that it weighs the pros and cons of Paterson choosing to not have a cell phone. The con is that when his bus breaks down toward the middle of the film, he doesn’t have a cell phone to call the transit authorities right away to get a new bus (but one of the passengers, a young girl, lets him use her cell phone to call the transit authorities after he says he doesn’t have a phone.) Doc and Laura (Paterson’s wife) tell him that the bus could have exploded and why he should have gotten a cell phone so he could communicate that the bus broke down without making anyone wait on him. Also, if he had his own cell phone he could have called or texted Laura to tell her about the bus breaking down and that he would probably be coming home late.

However, the pro is that Paterson is one of the few people who doesn’t sit and look down at his phone during a conversation, which many people do nowadays because the people who designed our phones meant for them to be a distraction in our daily lives. Like Paterson, I didn’t have a cell phone for a long time, and by the time I got my flip phone everyone else was using smartphones. In middle school I didn’t have a cell phone so I always called using the landline school phone that sat on my English teacher’s desk. Even when I used my flip phone it didn’t have the tools or apps that my smartphone has: now I can sit for hours on that thing and not look up at anyone or anything, which I why I try not to look at it all the time even during this time when we can’t go outside and technology is the only thing we can use to stay connected with one another. It’s why I got a little sappy and teary-eyed during the film because while I appreciate the use of technology during this time, I miss being able to have physical face-to-face conversations with others just as Paterson did in the movie. I did notice one moment where Paterson gave the guy at the laundromat an elbow bump to say his farewells; this is telling because the CDC encouraged us to give each other elbow bumps instead of hugging or shaking hands with people.

But bottom line is, it might be hard for Paterson to live without a cell phone nowadays because technology is the only way we can communicate to our friends without going outside, or even if we are going outside, it’s hard to communicate nowadays without a smartphone because there’s so much rapid information and it’s hard to keep up with it if one doesn’t have a phone, especially since now tech companies are doing coronavirus tracing through cell phones to track the virus. But even that has its downsides, namely because these companies are collecting all your information even though it may help slow the spread of coronavirus, and if you don’t want your personal info collected, then you’re toast. Also, there are still places in the U.S. with limited access to Internet and I don’t want to assume that everyone has a texting plan or even has a smartphone. Yes, most people do, but I am sure out of all the people on the planet, there are still folks without a cell phone or internet. Then again, the little girl wouldn’t have been able to give Paterson her cell phone to use because if she did, they wouldn’t be observing social distancing rules. In that case, he’d probably be in trouble and the new bus wouldn’t have come in time.

This film also really made me think about why it’s so important to express appreciation for bus drivers, delivery staff, hotel staff and other people who work in blue-collar jobs. There are still a lot of people who cannot afford to work from home because their jobs do not allow them to do that, and for those of us who get to stay at home, knowing this is all the more important. Recently, Jason Hargrove, a bus driver in Detroit, died from complications of Covid-19, but before his death he released a video on Facebook talking about how dangerous it is for transit employees like him to be driving people during this time because people on the buses cough and sneeze without covering their mouths and thus expose the drivers to coronavirus. He’s not alone: many bus drivers have contracted Covid-19, and the numbers only keep growing as people on buses and other modes of transportation refuse to take social distancing rules seriously and assume their cough or sneeze won’t get drivers sick. I know Paterson probably didn’t want thanks for what he did because he seemed to like his job, but I’m sure a lot of folks today would express appreciation for transit employees like him because their job is so risky now with the spread of COVID-19.

Overall, I really loved this film. Like I said, it brought tears to my eyes by the end (also because the music was incredibly sweet) and still has me thinking about the importance of poetry and appreciation of the everyday.

Paterson. 2016. Rated R for some language.

Book Review: The Power

March 15, 2020

Categories: Uncategorized

It took me a while to finish this book because 1. I was reading five other books at the same time as reading this one and 2. the violence was pretty graphic. Not in a bad way, it was just hard to stomach for many of the scenes.

But just to give a brief summary of this novel. It is told in the third person narrative, but each chapter switches back and forth between different characters in the novel. It is about a power that all women and girls–not men and boys–possess, and Naomi Alderman, the author of the novel, illustrates the effects–whether good, bad, or in-between–of having this power on society and the girls and women themselves. A year ago I read a book called Vox by Christina Dalcher. That book takes place in a society where lab agents put trackers on all women and girls so that they don’t say more than 100 words per day. If they say any more than that, they get electric shocks. It gave me goosebumps because in reality, many girls and women have faced this silencing at work, in school, in the government, and elsewhere. The Power took that narrative and turned it on its head by having women and girls rule society and men as the oppressed group. The novel also shows how bad toxic masculinity can be because several men’s rights groups are trying to get back at the girls and women and kill them so they can take their power from them (I thought about meninism and how it wants to push back against feminism.)

The power that the women and girls have in the book is a skein that each of them have on their hands. If they touch someone, even lightly, the other person will feel the power rise up from the girls’ palms. If the girl or woman presses their palm with great force, it can burn skin, send intense shockwaves throughout the other person’s body, and cause other injuries. Alderman shows that while on the surface having a society where women have this power sounds so empowering, this power must be used wisely and if it gets in the wrong hands it can wreak serious havoc (later in the book, one of the dudes tries to kill one of the girls and ends up getting the skein of power in his hand. He doesn’t stand a chance against the women who also have the power.)

The end of the book gave me chills, but I think that was what the author intended because it shows you to never underestimate the strength of women and their power to unite. Overall, excellent read.

The Power. Naomi Alderman. 385 pp.

Movie Review: Bridge of Spies

January 13, 2020

Categories: movies

This was a really good movie. A friend recommended it to me, and I thought Ok, sure, but when I actually saw it I just remember thinking afterwards, Wow, this is a movie that makes you think! In fact, I’ll need to watch it again because there were some key points in the film that went over my head.

While I won’t go into great plot detail I will just say that this movie is still relevant today not just because we studied the Cold War in world history/ geography class, but because of the current political climate. Now, normally on this blog, I try to stay away from discussing anything related to political parties, but with the current political climate and the Russia-U.S. issue regarding elections, it just made sense to watch this movie. The film Bridge of Spies takes place during the Cold War, and is about a lawyer who represents Rudolf, a Russian spy being held captive in the U.S. Tom Hanks’s character, James, decides to help him through the trial so that he can become free again, and also so that the U.S. pilot being held captive in the Soviet Union, Francis Gary Powers, can gain his freedom again. Even though James wants to have dialogue with Rudolf, everyone thinks he is supporting “the enemy,” but James insists on a mutual relationship between the U.S. and Russia. Meanwhile, the Berlin Wall is dividing East and West Berlin, separating families and loved ones from one another and forcing people to flee their homes. Even with all this going on, James insists on having dialogue with the German and Russian leaders so that the American and Russian prisoners can return to their respective countries.

While I personally don’t have extensive experience or research on the Cold War, I remember reading a volume of The New Human Revolution, by educator and humanist philosopher Daisaku Ikeda. He met with the Soviet Premier Aleksey Kosygin, and even with leaders in the Soviet Union who didn’t agree with everything Mr. Ikeda said. Mr. Ikeda, like James, came to the Soviet Union as a way for the countries to facilitate dialogue with one another rather than always using armed force as the answer to every diplomatic problem. He asked the leaders of the Soviet Union and China if they were planning on going to war with one another, and each leader told him to communicate to the other side that they did not have plans to go to war with one another.

Communication is a powerful tool in our society, and it always has been. When leaders do not communicate with one another because they are worried that the other is going to blow the other leader’s country up, people make assumptions and shut off future ties or diplomacy. It can also have an impact on children: in one powerful scene of Bridge of Spies, James’s son is sitting in class and the teacher shows them one of the ads during the time that encouraged kids to “duck and cover” so that they wouldn’t get radiation poisoning from any bomb that the Soviet army could potentially throw at the U.S. Then James finds his son sitting on the bathroom floor and reading a book about bomb shelter preparedness because he thinks the Russians are going to bomb the Americans any minute. This is why communication is important because without face to face dialogue about what needs to be said, propaganda can continue to propagate and brainwash people, and moreover cause people to have this irrational fear about other people in other countries. I think in terms of politics and international diplomacy today, talking to one another face to face is needed more than ever if we want to bring about world peace.

Bridge of Spies. 2015. 2 hr 22 min. Rated PG-13 for some violence and brief strong language.