I have tried too many times to watch scary stuff, and I just cannot handle it. After a long day, I tried to watch reaction videos for this movie called Late Night with the Devil. It was a huge waste of my time that I could have been reading The Odyssey, which I got from the bookstore today. When people watch the movie in their reaction videos, they put the video in the corner of the screen so that the audience can watch with the YouTuber. I covered up the corner where the video played so that I would not have to watch it, but even just listening to the audio and sound effects of these clips from Late Night with the Devil grossed and creeped me out. I tried to sit through a scene where a girl is forced to converse with the devil on live television, and even just listening to the audio and hearing the girl talk in these strange multiple voices while possessed just disturbed and upset me. Even though I didn’t actually watch it because I covered up the screen so that I would not have to actually watch the scene, the sound effects team must have done a good job because all I felt while listening to the conversations in the film was disgust, shock and a LOT of anxiety. I watched the people watch these scenes on YouTube and elicit reactions from uncomfortable laughter to disgust to distress, and I have to say that they are much braver than me for even watching the entire movie or even just the trailer.
I may just have had such an adverse reaction to listening to the clip because I am not really a fan of horror movies and do not watch films with exorcisms or possessions. Maybe it’s just because when a demon or supernatural entity is controlling a human being and speaking in a creepy deep voice through them, the person is not in control of their body because the demon is controlling them. I know it’s just a movie and it’s fictionalized, but I somehow felt bad for the character in the movie who got possessed and was coerced into doing it on a talk show. I think that is why I have to just accept the fact that I have a really low threshold for horror, especially supernatural horror or body horror. This is why I cannot watch movies like The Substance, Clayface and other body horror movies. I don’t know why I do this to myself because deep down I know that consuming this kind of upsetting content does not make me feel good mentally or physically. I think I tend to rely too much on the Internet for my entertainment. There are a lot of low-stimulation activities that I could have done from 5:30 to 7 pm that were more productive than watching a bunch of reaction videos for a movie that I will never see because I’m just too scared. I could have read a book. Even though it’s not as stimulating as watching YouTube, it’s better for my mental health. I think watching all these reaction videos doesn’t serve me much anymore. I have just been doing it to distract myself from things I should be doing, like applying for jobs and updating my budget spreadsheet. Or just low-key stuff like reading a book or playing my cello. I wasted time on You Tube and I know I cannot get back that hour and a half. Also, watching these reaction videos made me feel queasy so if I don’t feel good after it, then I have to accept that all I got was this cheap rush of dopamine and nothing else.
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