I had a dream that I made an audition tape, and I got chosen as one of the youth guests to be on Stephen Colbert’s late-night show. I was in a ballroom and was typing out this book I was working on, and then Stephen Colbert appeared behind me with this huge smile on his face, and I exclaimed, “Holy shit!” and apologized for cursing. He laughed and said it was fine and we hugged because I was so in awe of meeting Stephen Colbert and getting to be on his show. I then found out who the other people who got nominated to be on the show were, and Nicholas Braun (who plays Cousin Greg on the show Succession) was one of the people nominated. I then found myself trying to get ready for the show and then I was in a bedroom with my mom, and I was watching a movie that was in Hindi and it had Hindi subtitles. I kept changing the channel and then found myself on a movie set where I was wanting to act in the musical Rent (it was downtown.) Mom was sleeping and so I watched the movie by myself.
Then, I was in a pub, and Shiv Roy from Succession wouldn’t let me and someone else use this black SUV that was parked out front. They needed to take someone to the airport because they played tuba in a symphony orchestra. Shiv was pregnant and was wearing a long black wool coat and was talking on her smartphone a lot. I think she was also carrying a cello to fit in the back seat of the van. Then I was back inside the pub, and I was in an interview at a round booster seat area with Stephen Colbert, who was asking me, Nicholas Braun, and another young person about how we overcame our addiction to drugs and alcohol (edit: in real life, I haven’t struggled with addiction, and I don’t think Nicholas Braun did either.) I was talking about how drinking alcohol didn’t make me feel like myself and so I stopped drinking. At the end of the interview, I shook hands with Stephen Colbert, and he thanked us for coming on the show. Then, at the after-interview party, I wanted to share Buddhism with one of the servers at our table, so I saw one of the servers, a short Latina woman and saw she was standing to the side. I wrote the address of our local Buddhist center on a card with the words “Nam myoho renge kyo” on it and asked the server if she had heard of Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. She said, “Someone gave me a card already” and showed me a bent Nam-myoho-renge-kyo card that someone had left. I thanked her and then was looking around the bar to find Nicholas Braun. I saw him talking with some people and I really wanted to get his attention, so I kept looking at him from across the room. I don’t think he noticed me.
Then, I found myself going through these different rooms and down staircases where people were singing about love, sexuality and finding someone, and I was on a balcony where, down below, was a garden. A random person asked me, “Is the movie Trainspotting graphic?” and I said, before leaping down the balcony, “It is VERY graphic because it portrays drug use.” (edit, 7/28/2024: in real life, I had read the novel Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh several years ago, but honestly it was a depressing book so I don’t know if I can handle the movie, even though I love Ewan McGregor and think he is an incredible actor.) Then, I was going down a staircase through a basement, singing in a soulful voice like Celine Dion about how I really wanted someone (in this case, Nicholas Braun) to see how perfect I was for him. Then a white man, who was an actor, was re-enacting a scene from a play and a Black woman, who was also an actress, was breaking up with him. I climbed down the staircase while singing and a bunch of other women of color were singing and swaying around, and one woman was sitting on the staircase, so I had to tell her, “Excuse me,” as I walked down. Then I saw these receipts hanging down from the staircase, and realized those were the receipts from all the romantic stuff I had bought for my crush, Nicholas Braun. And then I woke up.
This was a good question because as my friends have gotten older and passed away, I reflect on the purpose of life and what happens after death. I definitely have gained a much deeper appreciation for life, and I have learned that from a lot of my friends who were older than me to live a fulfilling life and appreciate each day. It is easy for me to be jaded and cynical and to also think, “Forget it, I’m young, I have time.” But I think having that jaded and cynical perspective is no longer serving me well. It never served me well, but when I am in that place of “Forget life, I don’t care anymore about anything,” it’s easy to think that suffering is all there is to life when there is so much more. I think that is why I love religion and spirituality because it gives me something to look forward to everyday. I love waking up and chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo because it reminds me that my purpose in life is so profound, and it reminds me that I am deeply interconnected with everyone around me. As a solitary person, I tend to close myself off from others and get really consumed by my own shit and think I am the only one dealing with depression, anxiety, low self-worth, and other problems, but when I open up to someone, they might say, Wow, I am having the same problem! I thought I was the only one. I remember when we lost a lot of people during the pandemic, and it really forced me to face this deep anxiety I had about illness and dying, and also got me thinking about how we deal with the process of grief and healing from grief. I also volunteered at many memorial services for members of the Buddhist community I am part of, and each time I did it reminded me of the reality of life and death. It made me go back and reflect on what I am really living on this planet Earth for and what my purpose is. I think as I have continued to practice Buddhism, my perspective on life has changed. In 2016 I was miserable and thought my life was over and that I had no purpose. I had really bad depression and felt I was just going to stay in that place forever. Fast forward to 2024, and while I still struggle with my mental health, I am much better at finding ways to take better care of myself and I have gained so much more self-worth. Of course, self-confidence isn’t something I developed overnight. It took a lot of work, but I am happy that I went through this battle with my self-confidence because I had to get stronger and more resilient. Like in 2021, I fell in love with someone and my whole life revolved around him, and it pained me that this person was in a relationship already. But I was so madly in love that I wasn’t willing to face that reality. I think Buddhism and good friends and hobbies pretty much saved my life during this crucial period of recovering from heartbreak because I realized that I didn’t need to be with that person to feel loved or respected. I needed to love myself. I needed to be my own best partner. I am sure I will find someone someday but right now I really love being my own boyfriend/ girlfriend/ nonbinary partner. And I love myself so much more now.
Of course, I make mistakes and have slip ups and today, during lunch with my parents, I broke down and called myself a “terrible daughter” in front of them, and I could see the pain on their faces when I said that, and I immediately recognized that I was hating myself again like I had done so many times, and I realized at that moment, Hold up! That isn’t true. For so many years, I called myself worthless, stupid, ugly and trash, but over time I have learned that going deep in that abyss of self-hatred was hurting me and hurting the people around me, and so over time I have continued chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, and I have been able to develop so much love for myself and also for others. I have learned over time that failures and mistakes are important for my growth, and it is still a lesson I am learning to accept, speaking as a recovering perfectionist. And I have learned from practicing Buddhism to create value from even the tough moments. It was really tough not getting into the professional orchestra I wanted, but it was tougher to remember how self-destructive and mean I was to myself during that time I was preparing for the audition. I often cry when I think of how mean I was to myself and to others, like, Where was the compassionate kid who loved nature and books and experienced awe and curiosity? What happened to that little girl? She was there all along, but I had to go through my own shit to find that little girl again, and she is still growing and learning about the world, but she will always be a part of me, even when I take my last breath.
Honestly for me, my daily habit is daily prayer. I chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo every morning and recite gongyo, which is the 2nd and 16th chapters from a Buddhist teaching called The Lotus Sutra. I’ve definitely seen positive changes in myself and my relationships with people when I chant. When I chant, I bring out my wisdom, courage and compassion and I try to bring all this greatness to my interactions with people. Of course, that doesn’t mean that all my relationships with people have been perfect; human relationships are still an area of my life that has been challenging. But I think having a daily spiritual practice has helped me zoom out and look at situations differently. I think having a daily habit that improves your quality of life is important, whether it’s prayer, practicing gratitude (which I need to do more of), meditation, exercise, brushing your teeth, taking a digital detox from your electronic devices, or a combination of good habits. Somehow having a good daily habit gives me something to look forward to for each day.
Cheesy blog post title, but it’s a legitimate reaction! It was THAT. GOOD. I promised one of my friends I would watch it so we could have a philosophical discussion about it (Star Wars has a lot of philosophical themes in it.) But I put it off, watching other movies and doing other things. So I finally took the time to rent it online, and I was in for a surprise. Is it just me or did my heart keep pounding every time Adam Driver (Ben Solo/ Kylo Ren) or Oscar Isaac (Poe) showed up on screen? I swear, I literally could not stop looking, they are both HEARTTHROBS. Of course, Adam Driver plays an evil person, but I have seen him in other movies (funny enough, Adam Driver and Oscar Isaac were both in Inside Llewyn Davis, one of my favorite films) and seriously, my romantic feelings for him has never died. Also, John Boyega is everything in this movie. 🙂
Of course, I would be remiss if I were to spend the entire blog post gushing over these heartthrobs. Because let’s face it, these men would not be anywhere without K.A.W. (Kick Ass Women) like Princess Leia and Rey to save their skins when they got in trouble. Honestly, I didn’t care much about Star Wars a few years ago, but after I started watching them, I have a deeper appreciation for Carrie Fisher and the powerful legacy she left as Leia. The film is also very much in line with my Buddhist beliefs, because Rey and Leia have this mentor-disciple relationship, which in Buddhism means that the mentor trains the disciple to carry on the legacy of kosen-rufu, or world peace, and even surpass the mentor in their efforts. President Ikeda (this is a brief bio of him and his life) was a disciple of Josei Toda in the early days of the Soka Gakkai, and Mr. Toda wanted Mr. Ikeda to continue his mission to foster a better world through peace, culture and dialogue. Even though Mr. Ikeda doubted his capabilities along the way, Mr. Toda encouraged him to not give up and trained him along the way. Mr. Toda saw Mr. Ikeda’s sincere and tireless efforts to propagate Nichiren Buddhism and help Mr. Toda with his failing business even when his other colleagues lost faith in Mr. Toda.
Similarly, even know Leia knew Rey was the granddaughter of the evil Emperor Palpatine (Darth Sidious) she trained Rey because she saw her heart and spirit, the character of a true Jedi. When Rey is frustrated and tries to discard her lightsaber, Luke Skywalker appears as a memory and tells her she is better than that, telling her that she needs to confront her fear of herself and her heritage because the destiny of a Jedi is to confront fear. This ties in well to the concepts of “changing karma into mission” and overcoming “fundamental darkness.” Karma, from a Nichiren Buddhist perspective, is the accumulation of causes we have made in past lifetimes and in this present lifetime (through thoughts, words and deeds) that manifest themselves as effects in certain times and in certain conditions. We cannot fathom our karma from past lifetimes because it’s deep and hard to reverse what we did in the past. We may not know why we have a certain personality trait or why we work with certain people at our jobs or why we are born in the families we are born in. This karma continues on to our next lifetimes. It may seem like fate, that we are doomed to our karma and must suffer through it. But when we change karma into mission (in the Lotus Sutra teaching on which Nichiren Buddhism is founded, this is called “voluntarily assuming the appropriate karma”) we come to understand that certain events in our lives happen for a reason, namely so we can encourage people who are suffering. President Ikeda says, in an Introduction to Buddhism, that bodhisattvas (a Sanskrit word for beings who strive to attain Buddhahood, or enlightenment, by helping others achieve this enlightenment as well) gained rewards for their next lifetimes because of the good causes they made in the past, but these bodhisattvas chose instead to give up these rewards and be born in an age in which human beings suffer so that they can teach people about the Lotus Sutra and help them overcome the suffering they endure due to negative causes they might have made in their past lives. When we chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo and help others do the same, we come to realize that we go through hardships so that we can experience personal growth and lead richer and more profound lives, and moreover show our friends, family, coworkers and others that if we can overcome our suffering, then they can, too. We can experience joy even when we are suffering the worst karma, and this can give other people who are going through problems hope that they can also become happy even when in painful circumstances.
We don’t know what causes Rey made in her past lifetime for Emperor Palpatine to have been her grandfather, or why her parents got killed, or why her life is the way it is. But even though she has this karma to grapple with, Luke reminds her that she has this mission as a Jedi so she can not only save the world, but also so she can help inspire other people. In a way Luke helps Rey awaken to her Buddhahood to win against Palpatine, because he himself had to awaken to his own Buddhahood in the fight against evil (Buddhahood is the innate compassion, wisdom and courage that is innate within each individual. Everyone is a Buddha and reveals this Buddhahood through their actions in daily life.) She awakens to her mission to save the world from suffering at the crucial moment when Emperor Palpatine forces her to kill him so that she can take the throne, his disciples cheering her on to do it. But because Kylo Ren (who by this point has awakened to his identity as Ben Solo, Han Solo’s son) can read her mind, she sees him in his mind and his expression tells her, without him saying anything, that they can both overcome this evil, so instead of using her lightsaber to kill Palpatine, she passes it on to Ben so he can fight the bad guys, and she pulls out a lightsaber to fight Palpatine. When the Emperor knocks her and Ben down, Rey hears the voices of all the past leaders of the Jedi (Yoda, Qui-Gon Jinn, Leia, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker, among many others) telling her to not fear Palpatine because the Force of all the Jedi leaders lies within her and all of the causes that these Jedi leaders made in the past to fight constant evil has led to this one battle, this one chance for Rey to prove to herself and others that she is a true Jedi. To me, the Force is a symbol for Buddhahood because like Buddhahood, the Force lies within each individual and it has tremendous potential. According to George Lucas
the act of living generates a force field, an energy. That energy surrounds us; when we die, that energy joins with all the other energy. There is a giant mass of energy in the universe that has a good side and a bad side. We are part of the Force because we generate the power that makes the Force live. When we die, we become part of that Force, so we never really die; we continue as part of the Force.
George Lucas during a production meeting for The Empire Strikes Back. Quoted on “The Force” article in Wikipedia.
When people pass away, death does not take away their Buddhahood; instead, their Buddhahood transmigrates to their next lifetime. Buddhahood isn’t a realm separate from that of society, even though many Buddhist sutras before the Lotus Sutra was taught believe this; it is one of the ten states of life we can experience at any given moment. Just as Rey was in both a hellish environment and in a life state of Hell when fighting against Palpatine, she was in the world, or life state, of Buddhahood when she hears the voices of the Jedi leaders and won the fight against Palpatine, because she realized her potential to overcome her inner battle with herself. Fundamental darkness means that we cannot see our own Buddhahood, or our own life’s potential to overcome our problems and become happy, and so when the ignorance of our life’s worth clouds our perception of our environment, it’s hard to see the Buddhahood in other people and that their lives have worth, too. The devil king of the sixth heaven causes this fundamental darkness to make it hard to see our inner potential and functions to obstruct our Buddhist practice and sap the wisdom, life force, courage and compassion we need to truly become happy in life. Emperor Palpatine is a manifestation of the devil king of the sixth heaven because he does everything in his power to sap Rey of her life force and prevent her from beating him and the other evil people in his empire. He tells her she is worthless and that she has no potential to beat him. The devil king does not lie outside of us, but is a manifestation of the fundamental darkness in all of us. In a similar scene, we see Kylo Ren overcome his fundamental darkness and regain his identity as Ben Solo, when a memory of his father Han approaches him during his battle with Rey, and he tells Kylo that his identity as Kylo Ren is dead to him and that he will always see him as his son, Ben Solo, who has the potential to fight his inner evil rather than succumb to it. This scene shows how evil people like Kylo Ren have the state of Buddhahood within them, and can awaken to this Buddhahood within their lives with the help of people who tell them they have potential to awaken to the courage, wisdom and compassion within them. Only when Ben awakens to his Buddhahood is he able to see Rey’s Buddhahood, too, and help her fight against the evil forces that want to destroy society.
This scene is also a metaphor for the concept of “casting off the transient and revealing the true,” which happens when we chant Nam-myoho-renge kyo. Nichiren Daishonin, the founder of our Buddhist practice, lived at a time in Japan when people believed various Buddhist teachings and the problem with these teachings were that they didn’t teach the number one truth expounded in the Buddhist teaching of the Lotus Sutra: that everyone can attain enlightenment just as they are, and that Shakyamuni Buddha attained enlightenment in his past lifetimes rather than just in his present life in India. When he spoke out against these teachings and propagated the Lotus Sutra, the authorities persecuted him, even attempting to execute him on a beach in Tatsunokuchi (on the outskirts of Kamakura in Japan.) Just as the executioner was about to behead him, a comet flashed through the sky, and the soldiers, frightened by the light, abandoned Nichiren and failed to go through with his beheading. At that moment, Nichiren saw that, in triumphing over what is called the Tatsunokuchi Persecution, he was more than just an ordinary unenlightened person with all this karma he had to deal with from past lifetimes. While keeping his form as an ordinary human being, he awakened to his original true identity as a Buddha with unlimited wisdom and courage. This revelation manifested itself in his daily behavior toward others and so he inscribed the mandala that we chant to, called the Gohonzon, so that everyone could awaken to the power of Nam-myoho-renge-kyo in their own lives just as he did. Ren casts off his transient status as an evil Supreme Leader and awakens to his identity as Ben Solo, a Buddha that, without changing his form as an ordinary human being, can triumph over both the darkness in his mind and the darkness in society.
The movie also is a metaphor for the concept of unity in Nichiren Buddhism and in the Soka Gakkai International. Members of the Soka Gakkai International work together through chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, studying Buddhism together, sharing Buddhism with their friends and family, and making efforts at their workplaces, schools and homes, and each of these actions work in harmony with one another to foster a more just and peaceful society because through these actions, each member in the SGI can become happy and help others achieve that happiness. If there is any discord within the organization, it disrupts the unity of the SGI. It is hard to continue practicing this Buddhism without the encouragement of others, let alone the encouragement of Daisaku Ikeda and Nichiren Daishonin, so that is why we have an organization, so that each person has that network of support they need to continue in their practice. Likewise, one of the movie’s key themes is the importance of unity in the face of evil. When Poe and the rest of the Resistance are in the air fighting the Final Order fleet, Poe doubts the team’s capability to win, but Lando brings reinforcements to help combat the First Order. Earlier Poe told the Resistance that good people will fight if they lead them, and indeed they did. This scene shows that sticking together is important when fighting against evil forces. The scene also illustrated the concept of “many in body, one in mind” in Nichiren Buddhism; “many in body, one in mind” means that individuals have different personality traits, different physical characteristics and different social identities, but when they come together to spread the teachings of Nichiren Buddhism through dialogue, education and culture in their communities, they can achieve a more peaceful society. In The Rise of Skywalker, individuals in the Resistance come in many shapes, sizes and genders, and also speak various languages, but they work as a team to fulfill their desire to bring justice and peace to the galaxy. Had Rey, Poe or Finn tried to do everything by themselves, they would not have worked out their disagreements or even reached the goal of galaxy peace because their egos would have gotten in the way. When the Resistance sticks together they achieve so much, and when Rey’s heart is united with her mentors and her teammates in the Resistance, she defeats Palpatine. Rey lost her parents when she was young, so she feels like there is no one she can turn to, but she can always count on her friends to support her in tough times. Likewise, she has their back when times are hard, especially during the final fight scene.
Throughout the movie I kept thinking about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and the similarities between them. Lord Voldemort and Emperor Palpatine both look creepy, and the scene where Rey’s lightsaber is pushing back against Emperor Palpatine’s lightning reminded me of the scene in Deathly Hallows when the power from Harry’s wand is pushing back against the power from Lord Voldemort’s wand. Harry and Rey also have similar stories; both their parents got killed by bad guys (Voldemort and Palpatine respectively), but they have a great group of friends to lean on. Also, when the army of wizards gather on the Hogwarts ground to point their wands to the sky and vanquish the sign of Lord Voldemort in the sky reminded me of all the backup Lando summoned to help Poe and the Resistance fight the First Order.
I know this review was SUPER long, but I was so enthralled by the film and its connections to my religious philosophy. Star Wars is very much connected to religion in its themes, so this was a chance for me to bring my faith perspective to it. Also, kudos to John Williams for all the profound and beautiful scores he brought to Star Wars for so many years. The score was brilliant, as always, and I wish I was one of those orchestra musicians who was playing on the score for this movie because it was TIGHT! 🙂
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. 2019. 2 hr 22 min. Rated PG-13 for sci-fi violence and action.
After watching the emotionally heavy film Jackie, I had to watch something funny, and the only funny movie I had checked out from the library was Uncle Drew. I saw the trailer for it a long time ago, but didn’t know if it would interest me. But after watching it, I was sorely mistaken: it was so funny and also had a beautiful message.
It’s about this basketball coach named Dax Winslow who is struggling with encouraging his team, as well as trying to please his girlfriend, Jess, by buying nice things for her. He also has a rival named Mookie Bass who puts Dax down and even gets Dax’s team to turn on him when Dax buys them all the latest shoes when working his shift at Foot Locker. Dax loses all hope in coaching the team, until he finds a retired basketball player named Uncle Drew who proves a group of young basketball players wrong when he beats them at their game (they think that just because he walks slower than they do and has grey hair that he is a grandpa and thus cannot play basketball.) Dax catches up with Uncle Drew after the game and asks if Uncle Drew can join his team since Dax is short on players (Mookie Bass stole his teammates from him.) At first Uncle Drew is reluctant but agrees to join if Dax lets him also recruit Drew’s old teammates.
Everyone else on the team is a retired basketball player, and at first Dax is having a hard time convincing them to come back to playing, but in encouraging them to get back in the game, Dax also comes to terms with his own past struggles. He stopped playing basketball after he missed a shot during a game and his teammates felt he let them down, but after seeing Uncle Drew and his teammates show their stuff during games, Dax realizes he must overcome his fear of getting back on the court.
It was also a really cool movie because toward the middle of the film, Shaquille O’Neal’s character, Big Fella, has his headphones in, and when he takes them off, we hear the words “Nam myoho renge kyo.” As a Nichiren Buddhist, this was such a cool scene because the only other times I’ve heard Nam myoho renge kyo used in films and movies is What’s Love Got to Do With It? (I still have yet to see it, but that’s how most people I encounter have heard of NMRK) and one episode of The Simpsons (the clip is below, it happens around 0:33.)
The movie also has a message that very much resonates with Nichiren Buddhism. There’s a concept in Nichiren Buddhism called fundamental darkness, which means that we cannot see the potential inside of us. When we do what is called our human revolution, or self transformation, we awaken to the reality that we each have innate courage, wisdom and compassion and this gives us the strength to face our problems head on and overcome them. Dax’s fundamental darkness in this context is that he can’t see his potential to win at basketball and encourage his team, but when he overcomes his fear, he awakens to his potential and even his girlfriend is impressed (it’s also his chance to prove Mookie Bass wrong since Mookie thought Dax never had a chance.)
Even though I don’t know much about basketball and have only played a few times (although more often than not just shooting hoops by myself at the gym), I really loved this film and thought it was cool to see these influential people like Lisa Leslie and Kyrie Irving in this heartwarming fun film. The only people in basketball I knew before seeing this film were Shaquille O’Neal and Lisa Leslie (sad but true.)
Even though Nick Kroll plays a jerk in this film, I still love him in The Kroll Show. Also, he has a nice smile. And I also love seeing Lil Rel Howery (who plays Dax) because he was in Get Out and I love that movie. His role in that film made watching the film less stressful because he was the voice of reason to Daniel Kaluuya’s character, Chris. Chris was convinced his girlfriend’s parents were okay even though there was something fishy about the town they were in, and it took Lil Rel Howery, who plays Chris’s friend Rod, to tell him to get the hell out of that town and leave the girlfriend and her family since they were planning to kill him.
Uncle Drew. 2018. Rated PG-13 for suggestive material, language and brief nudity.
The Arts Are Life 