Category: Uncategorized

Movie Review: School Daze

This past weekend I watched the movie School Daze, which was directed by filmmaker Spike Lee. I was curious about it because a few years ago, at the Academy Awards, Lil’ Rel Howery picked certain actors to guess film music trivia, and he asked Glenn Close if she recognized a tune from Spike Lee’s movie, School Daze. She knew what tune it was, and the minute “Da Butt” by EU played, she got up there and shook that fine behind of hers and looked like she was having the time of her life. It was really funny and also just really cool that she got up there and danced to “Da Butt.” So, I was curious about the movie. My dad had seen a lot of Spike Lee joints (movies that Spike Lee directed), and we were talking about School Daze. School Daze came out before I was born, so I didn’t get a chance to see it early on, but I finally decided that I want to catch up on all the movies I didn’t see as a kid.

One part of the film I really love is the scenes with step dancing. The film takes place at a historically Black college between different Greek fraternities and sororities. I remember seeing a step team perform at my high school one time, and the dancers on the team were on FIRE. It was so epic to watch, and each time they stepped and hollered, I really wanted to get up and dance. There is also an episode on the web series The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl by Issa Rae where J and CeCe attend a Halloween party at the office they work at, and instead they find that the new boss (and J’s nemesis) Nina is planning to hold them hostage, and Nina leads a team of Black female step dancers called Gamma Ray. I didn’t know if it was supposed to be funny at first, but I saw the scenes in School Daze where the fraternities are dancing and chanting “Gamma” over and over again, and so I figured there was a connection between Awkward Black Girl and this scene in the movie, and sure enough, the Halloween episode of ABG was adapted from the movie School Daze.

The movie also addresses the issue of colorism. Colorism is a huge issue in African American communities, and I didn’t know much about it until I started taking African American Studies classes in college. Colorism is “discrimination based on skin color within the same racial or ethnic group” and it dates back to slavery, where lighter-skinned Black people were treated differently than darker-skinned Black people were. There is a belief that lighter skin enables people to gain greater access than darker skin. I don’t really know how I fit into the colorism debate, because I am Black, but people have also told me I look like different ethnicities. In the movie, the female sororities are divided by skin color, and in a musical number they argue over whether lighter skinned Black girls’ hair is more socially acceptable than darker-skinned Black girls’ hair. I remember watching this documentary by the actor Chris Rock several years ago called Good Hair, and in the movie, Rock explores the significance of hairstyles in the Black community and what is considered to be socially acceptable or attractive hair both within the Black community and outside the Black community. There have been many instances where Black people have had to cut off their dreadlocks or have faced discrimination in the workplace due to their natural hairstyles. I remember growing up and sometimes my teachers (most of them white) would ask if they could touch my hair, which I would either keep in an Afro or style in braids. I understand they were curious, but after learning more about racial discrimination and microaggressions in college, I don’t look back on those moments with much fondness. It’s interesting, though, because some of the other Black girls in my school would comment “You should straighten your hair.” In sixth grade, another Black girl in my gym class looked at my braids, which often got fuzzy, and said, “Hmmm…you should straighten your hair.” Another young Black girl in my sophomore year of high school told me, “I think if you straighten your hair, it will look pretty.” I’m not against straightening my hair, but to be honest, I like my curls.

The film was directed in the 1980s and attitudes towards women, especially Black women, were more outdated (not saying sexism doesn’t exist anymore, because it totally does.) There is one scene where the fraternity members make fun of Spike Lee’s character, Half Pint, for being a virgin, and the leader of the fraternity tells Half Pint that he needs to lose his virginity to a girl in order to be accepted into the fraternity. Even though he doesn’t want to, Half Pint goes along with it because he would become an outcast if he said no, and he really wants to pledge with this fraternity. The frat brothers end up hooking him up with one of the popular girls, and she doesn’t want to have sex with Half Pint, but the men coerce her into doing it. (At this point, I wasn’t sure if it was right to even call this scene consensual sex because the girl didn’t want to have sex, and she felt humiliated afterwards.) We have more discussions about date rape and consent, I think because we have more communication channels through which people can share this information about these very important topics. I didn’t understand the difference between sex and rape until I got on Facebook in 2017 during the #MeToo movement on social media, and I saw a post that said that “Rape is not sex. It’s rape.” I at times would conflate the two, not understanding that rape isn’t consensual. But after reading this post, I decided to educate myself and become more aware.

Daily writing prompt

Daily writing prompt
What would your life be like without music?
View all responses

Honestly, my life would feel empty without music. I love to listen to music every day. When I pick up my musical instrument (I play the cello) I always enjoy it because I just love bowing the different notes and hearing how each note and line combines to create a beautiful piece. I love classical music, but I also love to listen to music of various other genres (except heavy metal. I’m not a huge fan of it unfortunately.)

Movie Review: Red Rocket

A few weeks ago, I watched a movie called Red Rocket. I watched the trailer, and it looked interesting, especially because it played one of my favorite songs, “Bye, Bye, Bye” by NSYNC. I really love Sean Baker’s movies. I loved The Florida Project and Tangerine, so I was looking forward to seeing this one. It’s a black or dark comedy, so it will make you pretty uncomfortable watching it, but I tend to gravitate towards dark comedies a lot of the time. I don’t consider myself a cynic or anything, but somehow, I gravitate towards dark comedy probably because it gives insight into human nature and the less favorable aspects of human nature. Not everyone is a nice person and not everyone is going to change for the better. I really love Sean Baker’s films, too, because they shed light on marginalized communities that don’t get a lot of great representation, such as trans sex workers in Tangerine and low-income communities that live near Walt Disney World in The Florida Project. I haven’t seen a lot of movies that have empowering representations of female sex workers other than Zola (directed by Janizca Bravo), and I didn’t grow up watching a lot of movies that presented an empowering portrayal of trans people, or even a lot of movies that had trans actresses playing the main characters. The only other movie I saw that shows any empathy or compassion for trans characters is A Fantastic Woman, which came out in 2017 and stars Daniela Vega, a trans actress and singer from Chile.

I also haven’t seen many films that shed light on the lives of sex workers in general, or ones that feature them as the protagonists, other than Zola and Tangerine. Red Rocket was really intriguing to watch, because the main character is a retired adult film actor whose wife also worked in the adult film industry. Mikey Saber, who worked in the adult film industry for two decades, comes back to his hometown of Texas City, Texas to try and make a comeback in his career. I don’t know why he left Los Angeles, which is where he worked in the adult film industry, but it was apparently something really not great that motivated him to leave the city and go back home. When he comes back home, he expects everyone to celebrate him coming back, saying “I’ve missed you!” He wants people to think he is still a glamorous actor, but instead he gets the total opposite. His neighbors and friends ask him, “What are you doing back in Texas?” and aren’t glad to see him, and his estranged wife, Lexi, and his mother-in-law, Lil, are especially not happy to see him come back. Mikey asks if he can move back in with them, but Lil and Lexi don’t want to put up with him anymore. He continues to beg Lexi to let him move back in with them, and finally she gives in, under the condition that he contribute to the rent and help around the house. For some reason, I resonated with Mikey’s story a bit, mainly the fact that he came back to his hometown expecting everyone to treat him like he was famous, but instead it was the opposite. I’ve never worked as a sex worker or in the adult entertainment industry, so I don’t know what it’s like, but I could kind of relate to him coming back with this huge ego. After graduating from this elite liberal arts college on the East Coast, I thought I was entitled to have any job I wanted because of my degree. But honestly, it was so hard to find a job, and it was a total blow to my ego. I wanted a job where I could directly use my philosophy degree, but the only other option was to go to graduate school and as much as I wanted to go, I was super burned out after undergrad and needed time to recuperate, especially because I had some really bad mental health issues. That, too, was really hard because I couldn’t deal with having depression. Every day I struggled to get out of bed and feel motivated to do anything. I auditioned for an orchestra in my hometown and when I got called for the substitute cellist list, I was pretty elated and thought that I should be treated like royalty because I got on the substitute list. But then my dad asked me to vacuum the living room, and I threw a huge bratty tantrum because I thought, They should be celebrating me right now! Why the hell are they asking me, of all people, to do chores? Looking back, I didn’t have a very healthy sense of self, and so much of my self-worth was wrapped up in these past achievements and this music career. I thought about my past experiences with overcoming my ego when I saw how Mikey would go up to people in his hometown and expect them to recognize him and his work, but only a few people liked what he did. Most of the people he runs into don’t know about his work, and so he has to keep shoving it in their faces that he was an adult film star for several years and that he has a very famous account with all the videos and movies he starred in. I wanted to be a successful cellist, but looking back I placed so much of my self-esteem on whether or not I won auditions or whether or not people liked me. At some point, though, I realized that doing that wasn’t healthy and that I needed to develop more self-worth so that I wouldn’t think that I was a loser just because I didn’t play with a famous orchestra.

I think that’s why he falls in love with this 17-year-old girl named Strawberry. Honestly, I really didn’t know how to feel about her and Mikey’s relationship. I know that technically she was of consenting age according to Texas law, but I feel like he was partly using his relationship with Strawberry as an escape from his problems with the people around him. Mikey constantly disrespects the people around him, and he talks down to Lexi and Lil, even walking around naked and grossing Lil out. Strawberry and Lonnie (who knows about Mikey’s work) are the only two people who put up with Mikey’s bullshit throughout the movie. Mikey has Lonnie take an exit at the last minute while driving, and Lonnie swerves and causes a serious pileup accident. Even though Mikey and Lonnie escape, Mikey has Lonnie accept the blame even though Mikey was responsible for telling him to take the exit. Lonnie accepts it, but Mikey doesn’t tell anyone that he was also responsible for causing the accident. Mikey is only focused on running away with Strawberry and having her become an adult film star like him. The ending of the film creeped me out a lot. Overall, it was a really interesting film.

Red Rocket. 2021. Rated R for strong sexual content, graphic nudity, drug use and pervasive language.

Movie Review: No Hard Feelings

A few days ago, I wanted to watch a movie after coming home from my World Peace Prayer meeting at the Buddhist Center. I turned on Oppenheimer and tried to finish, but my heart was beating out of my chest while watching because it was just getting really intense and disturbing (then again, it’s about the man who commissioned the atomic bomb that killed a bunch of innocent civilians, so of course it’s going to be intense and disturbing.) It’s definitely an important film to watch, but it’s kind of like my experience with watching Killers of the Flower Moon. I had to watch that movie in bite sized pieces because it was pretty disturbing, and each time I tried to get through the three-hour movie I broke down crying because I hadn’t really studied about the Osage murders, so seeing Ernest Burkhart and his uncle commit these horrific crimes against the Osage Nation was pretty, well, horrifying.

So, I decided to take a break from Oppenheimer and watch something else (I will come back to it, just need a break for a bit.) While driving around the city last year I saw bulletin boards for a movie called No Hard Feelings, starring Jennifer Lawrence and Andrew Barth Feldman. I don’t normally watch sex comedies (I thought it had to do with my asexuality, but I’m sure there are a lot of asexual people who watch porn and sexual content, so I can only speak from my own experience as an asexual person), so this was kind of new movie territory for me, but it’s actually a pretty sweet film. It takes place in Montauk, New York, and Jennifer Lawrence plays a 32-year-old woman named Maddie whose life isn’t working out. She works as an Uber driver and a waitress but is barely getting by financially. She doesn’t have a lot of close romantic relationships and also, she is going to get evicted from her home (and lose her car) due to the rising cost of living in Montauk. Lucky for her, Maddie finds an advertisement by a wealthy couple who needs a woman to date and have sex with their 19-year-old son, Percy, who is socially awkward and a virgin. Maddie comes over to their very affluent home, struggling to get up the steps in her roller skates (since her car got repossessed, she has to go everywhere in roller skates,) and has an initial interview with Percy’s parents, Laird and Alison. Laird and Alison explain to Maddie that they want their son to learn how to socialize, date and have sex before he goes to Princeton University so that he comes out of his shell and doesn’t stick out like a sore thumb in college. At first, Maddie tries to flirt and be sexually attractive to him, but Percy doesn’t really want to have sex right away, he just wants someone to hang out with. Through their relationship, the two of them learn a lot about each other. Maddie realizes that she was in a lot of these relationships where she wasn’t emotionally available to the men she was with, and so these exes would come back in her life and tell her how much she hurt them. Percy realizes that he doesn’t need to change himself to fit in as a college student, and he can be himself. Maddie also realizes that she can be herself in her relationship with Percy. They end up developing a really sweet romance and friendship together.

There were a few scenes that I remember from the film that stuck out to me. One scene was when Perry and Maddie are at a nice restaurant eating out on their date, and Perry plays the piano for everyone. Earlier in the movie, Percy and Maddie are at a bar and they hear the song “Maneater” by Hall and Oates. Later, in the scene where they are on their date, Perry opens up to Maddie about how he plays music, and Maddie tells him she wants to hear him playing. Perry is reluctant at first, but then he gives in and ends up singing a beautiful rendition of “Maneater.” Maddie is smitten and mesmerized, and so is everyone in the restaurant. Maddie tells him how incredible his performance is, but then Natalie, a girl that Percy goes to high school with, comes up to him and the two of them hug. Maddie is wondering, Who on Earth is this Natalie girl? The girl and Percy gush about how they are both going to Princeton next year, and Maddie becomes jealous. She tries to interrupt the conversation and get the girl away from Percy, but Percy ends up getting angry with Maddie for reacting like that, and they end up riding home in silence. Percy also overhears that Maddie only came by because his parents wanted her to hook up with him, and he feels crushed and thinks that Maddie didn’t genuinely love him. While at breakfast with his parents and Maddie, he drinks a lot of wine and calls them out for what they did and with his friend, who he works with at the animal shelter, he proceeds to destroy Maddie’s new car. He ends up feeling terrible about it later and he and Maddie have a huge argument, and she leaves. They end up making up, though, and Maddie also experiences a new life change and decides to move to California. She and Percy share a bittersweet farewell, but she drives him to the airport.

I really love Jennifer Lawrence in this role. I normally have seen her in drama films like The Hunger Games and American Hustle, but she was really good in this movie. I first saw the trailer and thought the film would be too silly for me, but it was actually a really touching story. Of course, this film sparked a lot of necessary discussion around age-gap relationships because Maddie is much older than Percy, and that’s a fair discussion to have because it is an uncomfortable subject. But also, I know a lot of age-gap relationships in real life (not personally, but I know celebrities who are in relationships with significant age-gaps), and honestly, I don’t really know what side to take on this subject. I was reading on Buzzfeed about how the filmmakers and cast addressed the huge age-gap between Maddie and Percy, and one of the cast members noted that the film also says a lot about helicopter parenting, because Percy’s parents were very protective of him and they feared that he wouldn’t survive college if he didn’t know how to hook up or socialize, so instead of giving Percy space to figure all this stuff out on his own in college, they tried to control and intervene, so they set him up with Maddie. However, Percy still didn’t want to rush into anything, and in the end Percy’s parents eventually just had to trust that their son was going to be okay and that sometimes he was going to have to make his own decisions and figure stuff out on his own. I’m not a parent, so I can’t imagine how hard it is for them to watch their son grow up and leave, but it must be hard. I remember when I went off to college, I was super excited, but then I was really homesick and stressed. But thankfully while I was away, I had my local Buddhist community and often went to meetings and to chant with other members. I didn’t really want to go to parties, and I wasn’t really interested in dating, so going to Buddhist meetings was one of the ways I had fun. Even though I still asked my parents for advice while away from home, I often would try to figure stuff out on my own. Of course, in college there were some things that I shouldn’t have tried to do on my own, like battling clinical depression and not telling anyone. But the experiences of having a roommate, having a campus job and being responsible for your decisions (i.e. should I go to work or call in sick? Should I eat vegan chocolate sheet cake at every meal or eat it sparingly? Should I drink Sleepy Time tea before class or wait until it’s my bedtime to drink it? Should I spend all the disposable income from my campus dishwasher job on snacks from CVS or save it to pay off my imminent student loans? Spoiler: I waited until after college to do the latter. I loved my snacks) really taught me about resilience and emotional maturity. Making my own decisions while away from my parents was challenging, but at this time I ended up making friends in my own unique way. I honestly didn’t know if I was going to make friends in college, especially as an introvert, but I ended up meeting a lot of people and making connections with people in my own unique way. I didn’t have a Facebook account during my first three years of college, but most people didn’t mind that I didn’t have an account, and we still saw each other on campus. It was a little lonely missing out on inside jokes and people’s posts on their Facebook walls, but I think looking back, I still managed to make a lot of genuine connections with people at my college. I think chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo (it’s a Buddhist chant I do) gave me the courage to be myself, and of course there were times in college where I struggled to feel like I was doing college the “right way” and comparing my social life with that of my peers, but as I continued my Buddhist practice, I began to connect with people in a very natural way and I even got to tell them about my Buddhist practice. That was a tangent from talking about the movie, but I just thought of my own experience with being in college when I saw Percy leaving for Princeton.

Movie Review: American Honey

Some time ago (I cannot remember when) I watched the trailer for a movie called American Honey. I really love A24 distributed films, so I immediately gravitated towards this one because it was an A24 film. And not just because it was an A24 film, but because the trailer was just really good, so I wanted to watch it. And honestly, I wasn’t disappointed in the least. This was a really good movie. It definitely wasn’t an easy film to sit through, but as I watch these heavy-hitting drama movies and independent films, I have come to appreciate that movies can stir a whole range of emotional experiences in us, and they should. This film was a really moving and raw portrayal of young people trying to survive in a harsh world.

The movie starts out with a young woman named Star dumpster-diving with two kids whose stepmother, Misty, doesn’t want custody of them, and she fishes out a chicken breast from the dumpster and gives it to the boy so they can bring it home. Star has a really rough life at home. Her stepfather is sexually abusive, and her mother died when she was really young of an overdose. She goes to a bar where the kids’ mother is dancing, and she tries to give the kids to her, but the mom wants nothing to do with the kids. Star goes to K Mart one day to run some errands, and she sees a group of teenagers running around and dancing to “We Found Love” by Rihanna. One of the young people in the group, named Jake, looks at Star and is attracted to her, and they share a mutual chemistry. The employees kick the kids out of the store, and Jake approaches her and tells her that she should come join them in their mag crew, where they go door-to-door selling magazines and other stuff. Star at first isn’t sure about Jake, but he comes off as this charming guy, so they fall in love. However, Star has to deal with the leader of the mag crew, Krystal, who hates Star for falling in love with Jake. Krystal does whatever she can to keep Jake away from Star, and things get tense when Jake tells Star that they can’t have a romantic relationship because Krystal thinks it’s “bad for business.”

Star has this interesting insight into life that kind of sets her apart from the other teens in the group. While she does play around with them and go along with them, she also retains a lot of her sensitivity, especially when she is around animals. Even though the film is pretty deep, it has its tender moments. While whooping and dancing around the campfire with everyone else, Jake gives Star a small turtle, and Star gently puts the turtle in the water and watches it swim away. There is also a scene where Star is sitting in an open field and a grizzly bear just casually comes up to her and says hi before going on its merry way. In another scene, Star sees a bee in the house that everyone is staying at and instead of killing it, she catches it in a glass jar and releases it outside so it can be among the flowers. It was these little scenes that I needed to take time to appreciate, because for most of the movie Star is just out here trying to survive.

I thought one scene in the film was particularly powerful and shows Star’s sensitivity. As they go door to door, the teens in the mag crew have to make up stories about their lives so that people who answer the door will have pity on them and buy the magazines from them. They start off going into wealthy neighborhoods, but then later on in the film Krystal drives them into a poor neighborhood and has them try to get the people in the neighborhood to buy magazines. Star knocks on the door of one house, and instead of an adult answering the door, a little boy wearing a Pikachu costume opens the door and a little girl wearing an Iron Maiden shirt invite her in. A third kid is holding a cat. Star looks around and finds that the TV is blaring Wendy Williams’s show, but the parents are nowhere to be found. When Star asks where their mom is, the boy says she is sleeping, and when Star asks where their dad is, he says that their dad is in Omaha, Nebraska, so he can’t take care of the kids. Star has this moment where she’s like, Wait, Krystal drove me here to get money from these people? These kids are struggling, I don’t think I can do this. The mom comes out of her room and lays down on the couch in front of the TV, not even looking at Star or any of the kids. Star sees a meth pipe on the table and realizes that the mom is a meth addict. Star asks for something to drink, and the kids open the fridge. There is almost nothing to eat or drink in the fridge, other than a liter of Mountain Dew. Star ends up going to the grocery store and buying the family a bunch of groceries. Even though she was struggling herself, Star was able to have that compassion for the kids because her own mother died of a meth overdose. It just reminded me of how in Buddhism, we go through challenges so that we can encourage others who might be going through similar challenges. I haven’t grown up in poverty or with parents who have struggled with addiction, but the film really showed me how poverty is very real, and people are really out here in America trying to get by paycheck to paycheck. To be honest, as I was watching the film, all I could think was, Wow, I really can’t fathom what these people in the film have to go through to survive.

Another thing the movie made me think about was the importance of having big dreams and aspirations. Star and the other teens are dropped off at a gas station where they find a bunch of men driving these big 18-wheeler trucks, and they promote the magazine subscriptions to them. The first guy Star asks isn’t interested and walks away, but the second guy actually gives her a ride in his 18-wheeler and they have a genuine conversation about their lives. The driver tells Star about his wife and that his daughter got married recently, and then he asks Star what her dreams are. Star tells him that no one has asked her what her dreams are before, and she tells the man that she wants her own place to live and to have a family. She later asks Jake the same question, and he tells her the exact same thing: no one has asked him what his dreams are. He tells her in private that he wants his own place in the woods and shows her all the money and treasures he has stolen from the houses of the people they sell magazines to. Star asks him how stealing these things is a dream of his, and he tells her that he is going to use these treasures to buy the thing that he wants eventually (i.e. his own place.) I just reflected on this scene where the man asks Star about her dreams, because in this book I’m reading called Discussions on Youth by the late educator and philosopher Daisaku Ikeda, Mr. Ikeda talks about how young people should have big dreams and can use the practice of chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo to bring out their unlimited inherent potential to achieve those dreams. Growing up, a lot of adults in my SGI Buddhist community would encourage me to have big dreams, so when at thirteen I told people at my Buddhist meetings that I wanted to play at Carnegie Hall in New York City one day, many people encouraged me to go for the dream and not give up. I often take it for granted that I have this Buddhist community where people encourage each other to not give up when achieving their dreams and that they can chant about what dreams and goals they want to accomplish. Watching this movie showed me that many young people are told that their dreams are impossible to achieve, and they aren’t around people who encourage them to have dreams and goals for the future. I really want to share more about the Buddhism I practice with other young people so that they can feel encouraged to bring forth the confidence to go for their dreams. I also want to recommend people read Discussions on Youth, whether you’re Buddhist or practice another religion/ no religion. It has given me a lot of hope over the years and has encouraged me to keep striving for those dreams that I think are impossible, like becoming a writer and a musician. I still battle my own doubts and insecurities about being a good enough creative, but chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo helps me challenge those insecurities head-on so that I don’t let perfectionism, or my inner critic, keep me from taking action towards accomplish my goals and dreams. And at the end of the day, what my Buddhist practice has taught me is that it’s not just about reveling in my own success, but about encouraging others to achieve their dreams, too.

This movie reminded me of some other movies I have seen. There was this movie I saw called The Florida Project and it was directed by Sean Baker, who is a really good filmmaker, if you haven’t seen his movies. I have only seen Tangerine and The Florida Project, but I want to see his other films because he is a really good director. The Florida Project is about three kids who are all friends with each other and who all live in a budget motel in Kissimmee, Florida, which is near Walt Disney World. I had this idea of Walt Disney World being this magical place, but this movie showed me that income inequality is still a reality even in the most seemingly magical places. The people who stay in the budget motel are all struggling to make ends meet, and one of the main characters in the film, Halley, loses her job as a stripper and has to find other ways to make money, relying on her friend Ashley, who works at a diner, for food. Halley’s daughter, Moonee, is oblivious to the struggles that the adults go through, and she and the other kids do stuff like steal ice cream and set an abandoned house on fire. Halley and Ashley’s friendship goes down the deep end when Ashley finds out that Halley has resumed sex work and is bringing clients into her motel room, and she threatens to tell on her. Halley beats her friend up and when her and Moonee go to the diner where Ashley works, Halley gets upset when Ashley refuses to give her free food anymore. Finally Ashley caves and reluctantly serves Halley and Moonee breakfast. When Ashley finds out that her son, Scooty, was involved in setting the house on fire, she tells him that what he did was really bad and explains what the consequences of his actions are. Halley, however, doesn’t really care what Moonee does. She is struggling to survive and the antics her daughter gets into is the last thing on her mind. Like American Honey, this movie is a very sobering portrayal of poverty in America, and there is no savior character who comes to save the characters who are struggling to make ends meet. These movies give a realistic picture of class and income inequality.

I also really love the acting in American Honey. I saw Riley Keough in this movie called Zola (like American Honey and The Florida Project, it is an A24 movie) and she was really good in her role as Stefani. If you haven’t seen Zola, it’s a movie based on a real Twitter thread that A’Ziah “Zola” King posted about how she worked as a stripper in Detroit and met another young woman who was also a stripper, and how this young woman, named Stefani (in the Twitter thread, the girl’s name is Jessica) coerces Zola into going on a trip with her, Stefani’s boyfriend Derrek, and her pimp X, but the trip ends up being a sex trafficking operation. At first, Zola is thrilled to have a sisterly bond with Stefani, and when they are all in the car at the beginning of the film, they are all rapping to “Hannah Montana” by Migos and having a fun time. However, as the trip draws on, Zola starts to have a gut feeling that this trip isn’t going to be a fun time. Stefani, who is white but talks in a “blaccent,” talks in a degrading way about how this Black woman was “up in her face” and Zola is visibly uncomfortable. Zola ends up having to take stripping gigs that don’t compensate her fairly, and also Stefani’s pimp, X, is intimidating and threatens Zola, Stefani and Derrek throughout the trip if they don’t do as he says. It’s interesting how in American Honey, Riley Keough plays a character who is running the magazine crew and is in charge of getting the money everyone makes. Her character, Krystal, has a very scary power and wields it against Star, threatening to kick her off the team if she continues to pursue Jake. In Zola, however, Colman Domingo’s character is the main guy who everyone is scared of, and Riley Keough’s character, Stefani, has to submit to everything he tells her to do. In one scene, Zola helps Stefani make more money from her clients after she finds out that X was having Stefani charge clients a low rate. When X finds out that Zola was helping Stefani, he is upset and when Stefani gently asks him if she can have some of the money she made, X withholds the money from her, telling her she should be even grateful she has food in her belly. Stefani is left feeling powerless and Zola is left feeling angry.

The music in American Honey was incredible. I love hip-hop and the soundtrack had a lot of great songs. I was curious about the significance of the movie’s title, and in one of the scenes in the film, the teens in the van play “American Honey,” a song by a group I love named Lady A (they used to be called Lady Antebellum, but they changed the name in the wake of the killing of George Floyd and the Black Lives Matter movement because “Antebellum” is reminiscent of the South’s racist past. Of course, racism isn’t a thing of the past in the South. It’s still very much alive.) To be honest, it was a little uncomfortable at first hearing the white characters use the N-word when singing to the rap songs and even calling each other the N-word. But it’s not something that’s new to me. Growing up in the South, I often heard white kids say the N-word in jest and even call me the N-word at times. I often heard kids of all races saying the N-word as a joke. In Tangerine, the white characters, Chester and Dinah, use the N-word around the Black women in the film, and they call an Armenian cab driver the N-word, but their use of the N-word doesn’t go mentioned or anything. I remember one time I was in the car with a bunch of my friends (I was the only Black person in the car) and “Holy Grail” by Justin Timberlake and Jay-Z came on. I and the friends started off having a grand old time singing to Justin Timberlake’s intro, but there is a verse where Jay-Z uses the N-word over and over again, and my friends sung along without censoring the word, giggling as they said it, like “Oh my gosh, this word is so fun to say!” I was uncomfortable, but I was afraid that I would come off as being overly sensitive if I told them that I wasn’t ok with hearing them use the word, so I looked out the window in silence, pretending to not care. One of the girls in the car asked if I was ok, and I told her I was fine. I’ve moved on since then, but I just wanted to mention it because I thought of that moment as I was watching the movie.

Ok, I’m pretty tired, so I’m going to wrap it up and just end things right here. I’ll probably have more thoughts about the movie that I want to share over the course of the week, but I’m going to take a break. In short, if you haven’t seen American Honey, it’s a really good movie.

American Honey. 2016. Written and directed by Andrea Arnold. Rated R for strong sexual content, graphic nudity, language throughout, drug/ alcohol abuse– all involving teens.

Mavis, part 2

INT, MARK’S CAR: Herbie Hancock’s “Sleep Like a Child” is playing on Mark’s Spotify playlist in the car and Mavis looks out the window as they keep driving. They pull up to Mark’s house. Mavis gets out of the car. Joyce and the kids are waiting outside. Soft country music plays as Joyce hugs Mavis, who cries.

INT, DINNER TABLE: Mark is cleaning and washing the dishes and Mavis is sitting at the table, eating the leftover beef stew that Mark cooked for dinner.

MAVIS: Why didn’t you ever become a chef?

She licks her fingers and continues to dig in. This is some darn good beef stew. She takes a bite out of the lemon meringue pie that Lily, Joyce and Mark’s 12-year-old daughter, made.

MAVIS: My gosh, Joyce is a BAKER!

Mark chuckles.

MARK: Lily made that actually.

Mavis puts down her fork and gives Mark a surprised look.

MARK: But Joyce helped her.

Mavis shrugs and continues to take massive bites out of the pie, alternating between the pie and the beef stew. As Mark washes the dishes, Ella Fitzgerald croons softly on his Spotify playlist. Mavis takes a sip of her Budweiser beer.

MAVIS: So, um, how’s family life been?

MARK: Oh, you know. It’s been going. Taking the kids to school, helping Lily and Max with their homework. Joyce and I are going to visit her grandparents in South Korea next week, so that should be nice.

MAVIS: Oh, wow.

MARK: Yeah, um…hey, I know you don’t want to answer this, but have you gone to talk with someone yet?

Mavis stops eating, then gets up and starts washing the dishes, ignoring Mark’s question. He wants to know if she has sought professional help for her PTSD after the abuse (her uncle sexually assaulted her as a child.)

MARK: Mavis…

MAVIS: Mark, you’ve been up all day. I can wash the dishes. It’s the least I can do.

MARK: Mavis….

MAVIS: Mark, I’ve got this.

Mark grabs her arm and Mavis recoils. Once again, she is back to being that scared 14-year-old kid again, seeing Uncle Robert restraining her with his arm as she fought to get away from him. Mark realizes what he did.

MARK: Mavis, I am so sorry.

Mavis grabs her coat and proceeds to leave.

MAVIS: Thank you, Mark, but I don’t deserve–

MARK: MAVIS!

MAVIS: Quiet! You’ll wake the kids.

Mark looks around in distress, then says in a quiet voice.

MARK: You can stay. I won’t touch you anymore.

Mavis steps away from the door.

MARK: There’s room down here if you want to sleep. I will keep the door locked.

Mavis nods, then surrenders. Mark goes upstairs to grab her blankets and pillows. She wants to refuse because she doesn’t think she deserves his kindness, but she is too tired to fight. She needs someone she can trust, and Mark has always supported her.

Mark comes down and unfolds the bed sheets for Mavis on the couch. He props up pillows for her. She lies down and feels like she is in heaven. The pillows are soft and feel like clouds, and she wraps the warm heavy blanket around her. He goes back into the kitchen and finishes putting up the dishes. Mavis sleeps peacefully that evening.

INT, SATURDAY MORNING, BREAKFAST. Mavis is in the kitchen, helping Joyce and the kids make breakfast. Mavis was never a great cook, and she ends up making the first few pancakes all runny and undone.

LILY: I’ll help you, Ms. Mavis!

Lily pours fresh pancake batter onto the griddle and waits for 2-3 minutes before flipping them over.

MAX: I wanna flip them! Me, me, me!!!

JOYCE: One at a time, you two!

Joyce shakes her head at Mavis and laughs. Mavis laughs, too.

By the time she is done, the pancakes have come out fluffy and done. Mavis watches in fascination as Lily and Max take turns flipping the pancakes. It’s pretty darn cute.

MAX: I wanna serve Ms. Mavis breakfast!

MAVIS: Oh, it’s fine, I—

But before she can refuse, Max and Lily have started setting the table and Lily h put a porcelain vase with an assortment of beautiful flowers at the center of the table.

JOYCE: Let me call Daddy down for breakfast.

She goes to the staircase and calls from below.

JOYCE: Mark, honey! Your pancakes are ready!

She hears no answer. She goes upstairs and finds he is not in his room. She lets out a blood-curdling scream and rushes downstairs. Mavis is quickly snapped out of her brief moment of bliss.

JOYCE: Mavis! Call the police! Mark is missing!

(Cue suspenseful music.)

Mavis grabs the landline and dials the local sheriff.

SHERIFF: Cook County Police Department, this is Cherylynn.

MAVIS: Hi, um…my brother…

Mavis starts crying.

CHERYLYNN: Ma’am, I can’t understand you.

Mavis finally snaps.
MAVIS: MY BROTHER! HE’S MISSING!

INT, COOK COUNTY POLICE DEPARTMENT. Mavis, Joyce, Max and Lily have been waiting for several hours. Lily is reading a book and Alex is crocheting. Joyce looks up at the ceiling and closes her eyes, tears streaming down her face. Mark comes out of the sheriff’s office and his nice white T-shirt is stained with blood. His face is covered in blood. Joyce gasps and screams. Mavis struggles to breathe. Did her brother kill someone?

MARK: Mavis, I can explain. Joyce, please go home with the kids. I’ll tell you everything when you get home.

JOYCE: No, I am not “going home,” Mark, until you tell me what the hell is going on!

Max and Lily stare in silence at their father. Mark takes a deep breath.

MARK: I rode down to town an hour away and found Uncle Robert.

Mavis freezes.

Mavis: I thought he was dead. No one in the family had spoken of him for years.

MARK: Not yet. He was talking outside with his buddies outside a bar. I went outside and froze when I saw who it was.

FLASHBACK, EXT, 10:00 PM, DESERTED LOOKING TOWN. Mark is walking and comes across Uncle Robert talking with a group of men outside a bar. Mark freezes. Uncle Robert turns and gives him a nasty look. He is 50, divorced and an alcoholic.

UNCLE ROBERT: What’re you lookin’ at, motherfucker?

Mark goes straight up to Uncle Robert and knocks the daylights out of him. Uncle Robert’s face gets bloodier until Mark has beaten it a pulp.

MARK: You got away with what you did to my sister! I will never forgive you!

He turns away and hears a click. Uncle Robert has aimed his pistol at Mark and has a menacing look on his face. Mark takes a step forward and laughs.

MARK: You may seem scary, but you’re nothing but a coward. A piece of shit. I will never forgive you. And neither will Mavis.

Uncle Robert sighs and pants, then gives Mark a twisted smile and laughs.

UNCLE ROBERT: No one has caught me yet. Why should you be the first?

Mark tries to find a distraction.

MARK: Hey, police! Behind you!

Uncle Robert turns and before he knows it, Mark grabs the pistol and shoots Robert in the stomach. Twice. Blood pools around Robert’s body. Robert struggles to crack and smile before closing his eyes.

ROBERT: Tell Mavis I said–

He is dead.

Now Mark really hears sirens. The police are coming for him.

My Wild-Ass Dream

Dream had on July 4, 2024

I had a dream that I made an audition tape, and I got chosen as one of the youth guests to be on Stephen Colbert’s late-night show. I was in a ballroom and was typing out this book I was working on, and then Stephen Colbert appeared behind me with this huge smile on his face, and I exclaimed, “Holy shit!” and apologized for cursing. He laughed and said it was fine and we hugged because I was so in awe of meeting Stephen Colbert and getting to be on his show. I then found out who the other people who got nominated to be on the show were, and Nicholas Braun (who plays Cousin Greg on the show Succession) was one of the people nominated. I then found myself trying to get ready for the show and then I was in a bedroom with my mom, and I was watching a movie that was in Hindi and it had Hindi subtitles. I kept changing the channel and then found myself on a movie set where I was wanting to act in the musical Rent (it was downtown.) Mom was sleeping and so I watched the movie by myself.

Then, I was in a pub, and Shiv Roy from Succession wouldn’t let me and someone else use this black SUV that was parked out front. They needed to take someone to the airport because they played tuba in a symphony orchestra. Shiv was pregnant and was wearing a long black wool coat and was talking on her smartphone a lot. I think she was also carrying a cello to fit in the back seat of the van. Then I was back inside the pub, and I was in an interview at a round booster seat area with Stephen Colbert, who was asking me, Nicholas Braun, and another young person about how we overcame our addiction to drugs and alcohol (edit: in real life, I haven’t struggled with addiction, and I don’t think Nicholas Braun did either.) I was talking about how drinking alcohol didn’t make me feel like myself and so I stopped drinking. At the end of the interview, I shook hands with Stephen Colbert, and he thanked us for coming on the show. Then, at the after-interview party, I wanted to share Buddhism with one of the servers at our table, so I saw one of the servers, a short Latina woman and saw she was standing to the side. I wrote the address of our local Buddhist center on a card with the words “Nam myoho renge kyo” on it and asked the server if she had heard of Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. She said, “Someone gave me a card already” and showed me a bent Nam-myoho-renge-kyo card that someone had left. I thanked her and then was looking around the bar to find Nicholas Braun. I saw him talking with some people and I really wanted to get his attention, so I kept looking at him from across the room. I don’t think he noticed me.

Then, I found myself going through these different rooms and down staircases where people were singing about love, sexuality and finding someone, and I was on a balcony where, down below, was a garden. A random person asked me, “Is the movie Trainspotting graphic?” and I said, before leaping down the balcony, “It is VERY graphic because it portrays drug use.” (edit, 7/28/2024: in real life, I had read the novel Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh several years ago, but honestly it was a depressing book so I don’t know if I can handle the movie, even though I love Ewan McGregor and think he is an incredible actor.) Then, I was going down a staircase through a basement, singing in a soulful voice like Celine Dion about how I really wanted someone (in this case, Nicholas Braun) to see how perfect I was for him. Then a white man, who was an actor, was re-enacting a scene from a play and a Black woman, who was also an actress, was breaking up with him. I climbed down the staircase while singing and a bunch of other women of color were singing and swaying around, and one woman was sitting on the staircase, so I had to tell her, “Excuse me,” as I walked down. Then I saw these receipts hanging down from the staircase, and realized those were the receipts from all the romantic stuff I had bought for my crush, Nicholas Braun. And then I woke up.

Mavis, part 1 (content warning: sexual assault)

Setting: Dallas, Texas. 2005. Mavis is a 32-year-old unmarried woman who lives on her own and works at a grocery store. She is white and has thick brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. Her mother named her Mavis after Mavis Staples. When Mavis’s mom was pregnant with her, she went to a concert where The Staple Singers were performing, and unborn Mavis loved the music so much that she couldn’t stop kicking inside her mama’s belly. Mavis’s mom often listened to old Motown and gospel music growing up, and Mavis developed an appreciation for this music at a young age.

Mavis goes into a bar and hears “Heavy Makes You Happy,” a song recorded by The Staple Singers. Mavis closes her eyes and dances freely on the dance floor. She smiles, she feels so free and young. She lets her hair down and lets it whip back and forth. People around her are cheering her on as they dance, too. A young man named Otis, wearing a cowboy hat, approaches her and dances with her.

Otis: Hi!

Mavis: Oh, hi!

Otis: What’s your name, pretty lady?

Mavis: What’s yours?

Otis chuckles. This little lady is so cute, her drunk ass partying on the dance floor.

Otis: Otis!

Mavis turns around in a circle.

Mavis: Nice to meet you, Otis!

Otis: You never told me your name!

Mavis: Just call me the loser drunk single woman!

Otis puts his body around her, but Mavis suddenly feels uncomfortable and steps back.

Otis: Come on now, girl, I ain’t gonna hurt ya. I’mma give you a great time, okay?

Mavis finds it hard to breathe and struggles to breathe. She is having a flashback to when she was fourteen years old and was sexually abused by her 36-year-old uncle, Robert. She was reading in her room during that Thanksgiving dinner on November 25, 1987, when she heard a knock on the door.

Mavis: Come in, Mom!

Inside walks Uncle Robert, a 6 foot tall creepy-looking dude leering at her. Mavis developed breasts before the other girls her age and often got teased about it at school, so she hid them under large shirts.

Robert quietly locks the door.

Robert: Hey, sweet girl, what’cha reading?

Mavis holds up To Kill a Mockingird as he sits on the bed. Robert smiles and snatches the book from Mavis and throws it on the floor. She gets up to grab it, but Uncle Robert grabs her wrist and restrains her. He pushes her onto the bed, pinning her down with his knees and unbuckles his belt. Mavis is scared.

Mavis: Uncle Robert, please!

Uncle Robert is naked from the waist down. He looks at Mavis in a disgusting fucked-up way. He grabs her large T-shirt and pulls it over her head. Mavis whimpers, feeling powerless against this giant of a man. He pulls down her panties and smells them, with a creepy smile on his face. Mavis is struggling to breathe. She screams and Robert clamps her mouth shut with his large hairy hand, which is sweaty and gross. He leans down to her face, and she can smell a foul garbage odor as he breathes down her neck.

Robert: Now don’t you go telling Mommy and Daddy, but Uncle Bobby is gonna give you a great time, okay?

Robert inserts his penis inside Mavis, and Mavis cries in pain, tears streaming down her face. Mavis’s older brother, Mark, goes up to his room to grab some aspirin for Aunt Maybel, who has a headache at the dinner table, and he freezes when he stops in the hallway. He hears blood-curdling screams and realizes it’s coming from Mavis’s bedroom. He runs and tries to open the door, but it is locked. He kicks at the door, but to no avail.

Mark: MAVIS! MAVIS!

And then he realizes that Robert had left the table and didn’t come back for a while, and everything clicks.

Robert collapses on top of Mavis. He struggles to get up and pants heavily. He stumbles around as he puts his pants back on, leaving Mavis on the bed frozen and numb with fear. Blood trickles out of Mavis’s vagina and leaks on her flowered bedsheets. Robert unlocks the door and sees Mark standing there. Mark runs in and pummels Uncle Robert with a baseball bat.

Mark: YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!! What did you do to my sister!!! YOU FUCKING PEDOPHILE!!!

Robert curls up in fetal position with every blow of the baseball bat.

Robert: Hey man, cool out! We were just having fun!

Mark grabs him by the collar of his shirt.

Mark: You call this shit FUN?!? Now my sister can’t have her life back because of YOU, you fucking monster!

Mark drops the baseball bat and yanks the landline phone off the hook in the hall.

Mark: I’m calling the police. Right now.

Robert starts laughing. He’s had a lot of alcohol.

Robert: No one will believe you. Mavis, sweeties, we had fun, didn’t we?

Robert gets up and leaves the room, giving Mark the middle finger as he stumbles off down the stairs. Mark closes the door and locks it. Mavis continues to lie there, silent and paralyzed.

Mark: Mavis? Mavis?

He reaches out to touch her and Mavis recoils. Mark is shocked.

Mark: Mavis it’s me! Mark! Your big brother! I got Robert to leave and I’m—

Mark is shaking. He trails off and collapses in a corner and starts crying, hugging his knees to his chest. He shakes his head over and over.

Mark: No, no, no, no… what did he do? What did he do? Dear Lord, please bring back my baby sister. Please bring her back.

Mavis wants to hug him but she can no longer trust anyone after what happened.

Mark: I have to tell Mom and Dad.

Mavis shakes her head.

Mavis: No, no, no, no…you can’t.

Mark: Mavis…

Mavis: Mark! You cannot tell anyone what happened! Uncle Bobby will go to jail! How will that look for the family?!?

Mark: But Mavis–

Mavis: It’s my fault. I led him on.

Mark: Don’t you say that.

Mavis: It’s my fault.

Mark can only cry and feel pain. He kicks himself for not saving her in time.

INT, present-day, Bar: Mavis cries and walks away from Otis.

Otis: Hey, hey, what’s wrong?

Mavis leaves the bar, with Otis shouting at her to please come back and that he didn’t mean any harm.

Ext, bus stop, 8:00 PM. Mavis is standing outside, waiting for the bus. She gets out her cell phone and calls her brother, Mark.

Mark is at his house, eating dinner with his wife, Joyce, and his two kids, Violet and Sammy. His phone rings.

Mark: Hello?

Mavis: Mark?

Mark: Mavis? Where are you?

Mavis: I’m at the bus stop. Hey, listen, can I…stay with you guys for tonight?

Mark looks around, unsure.

Mark: Um, I guess. I mean, I’m having dinner with my family, but…

Mavis: Sorry, I didn’t want to bug you. It’s just that I don’t know if I can go home alone. Every time I walk alone at night, I see Uncle Bobby grabbing me and doing that horrible thing to me.

Mavis chokes back sobs and covers her mouth.

Mavis: I just think he is going to come back and get me.

Mark is shaking, as he remembers Uncle Robert raping Mavis.

Mark: I’ll come pick you up. Don’t go anywhere.

Mavis breaks down.

Mavis, whispering: Thank you, seriously, I–

Mark: Hey, hey, sis, don’t worry, ok? It’ll be ok, just stay there and I’ll be there in ten minutes.

She hangs up and stands outside. The bus pulls up.

Bus driver: You gettin’ on?

Mavis: I’m good. But thank you.

The bus driver shrugs, and a houseless lady with a grocery cart gets on the bus, along with a college student and his girlfriend. The bus closes the door and meanders on down the road.

End of part 1

Most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten

Daily writing prompt
What’s the most delicious thing you’ve ever eaten?
View all responses

I went to a vegan restaurant and they had an oyster mushroom “chicken” sandwich. It was heaven. As someone who has never tasted chicken in my life (I was raised vegetarian) I wouldn’t know how the oyster mushroom sandwich compared to eating a real chicken sandwich, but all I know is that it was very good.