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Mavis, part 2

INT, MARK’S CAR: Herbie Hancock’s “Sleep Like a Child” is playing on Mark’s Spotify playlist in the car and Mavis looks out the window as they keep driving. They pull up to Mark’s house. Mavis gets out of the car. Joyce and the kids are waiting outside. Soft country music plays as Joyce hugs Mavis, who cries.

INT, DINNER TABLE: Mark is cleaning and washing the dishes and Mavis is sitting at the table, eating the leftover beef stew that Mark cooked for dinner.

MAVIS: Why didn’t you ever become a chef?

She licks her fingers and continues to dig in. This is some darn good beef stew. She takes a bite out of the lemon meringue pie that Lily, Joyce and Mark’s 12-year-old daughter, made.

MAVIS: My gosh, Joyce is a BAKER!

Mark chuckles.

MARK: Lily made that actually.

Mavis puts down her fork and gives Mark a surprised look.

MARK: But Joyce helped her.

Mavis shrugs and continues to take massive bites out of the pie, alternating between the pie and the beef stew. As Mark washes the dishes, Ella Fitzgerald croons softly on his Spotify playlist. Mavis takes a sip of her Budweiser beer.

MAVIS: So, um, how’s family life been?

MARK: Oh, you know. It’s been going. Taking the kids to school, helping Lily and Max with their homework. Joyce and I are going to visit her grandparents in South Korea next week, so that should be nice.

MAVIS: Oh, wow.

MARK: Yeah, um…hey, I know you don’t want to answer this, but have you gone to talk with someone yet?

Mavis stops eating, then gets up and starts washing the dishes, ignoring Mark’s question. He wants to know if she has sought professional help for her PTSD after the abuse (her uncle sexually assaulted her as a child.)

MARK: Mavis…

MAVIS: Mark, you’ve been up all day. I can wash the dishes. It’s the least I can do.

MARK: Mavis….

MAVIS: Mark, I’ve got this.

Mark grabs her arm and Mavis recoils. Once again, she is back to being that scared 14-year-old kid again, seeing Uncle Robert restraining her with his arm as she fought to get away from him. Mark realizes what he did.

MARK: Mavis, I am so sorry.

Mavis grabs her coat and proceeds to leave.

MAVIS: Thank you, Mark, but I don’t deserve–

MARK: MAVIS!

MAVIS: Quiet! You’ll wake the kids.

Mark looks around in distress, then says in a quiet voice.

MARK: You can stay. I won’t touch you anymore.

Mavis steps away from the door.

MARK: There’s room down here if you want to sleep. I will keep the door locked.

Mavis nods, then surrenders. Mark goes upstairs to grab her blankets and pillows. She wants to refuse because she doesn’t think she deserves his kindness, but she is too tired to fight. She needs someone she can trust, and Mark has always supported her.

Mark comes down and unfolds the bed sheets for Mavis on the couch. He props up pillows for her. She lies down and feels like she is in heaven. The pillows are soft and feel like clouds, and she wraps the warm heavy blanket around her. He goes back into the kitchen and finishes putting up the dishes. Mavis sleeps peacefully that evening.

INT, SATURDAY MORNING, BREAKFAST. Mavis is in the kitchen, helping Joyce and the kids make breakfast. Mavis was never a great cook, and she ends up making the first few pancakes all runny and undone.

LILY: I’ll help you, Ms. Mavis!

Lily pours fresh pancake batter onto the griddle and waits for 2-3 minutes before flipping them over.

MAX: I wanna flip them! Me, me, me!!!

JOYCE: One at a time, you two!

Joyce shakes her head at Mavis and laughs. Mavis laughs, too.

By the time she is done, the pancakes have come out fluffy and done. Mavis watches in fascination as Lily and Max take turns flipping the pancakes. It’s pretty darn cute.

MAX: I wanna serve Ms. Mavis breakfast!

MAVIS: Oh, it’s fine, I—

But before she can refuse, Max and Lily have started setting the table and Lily h put a porcelain vase with an assortment of beautiful flowers at the center of the table.

JOYCE: Let me call Daddy down for breakfast.

She goes to the staircase and calls from below.

JOYCE: Mark, honey! Your pancakes are ready!

She hears no answer. She goes upstairs and finds he is not in his room. She lets out a blood-curdling scream and rushes downstairs. Mavis is quickly snapped out of her brief moment of bliss.

JOYCE: Mavis! Call the police! Mark is missing!

(Cue suspenseful music.)

Mavis grabs the landline and dials the local sheriff.

SHERIFF: Cook County Police Department, this is Cherylynn.

MAVIS: Hi, um…my brother…

Mavis starts crying.

CHERYLYNN: Ma’am, I can’t understand you.

Mavis finally snaps.
MAVIS: MY BROTHER! HE’S MISSING!

INT, COOK COUNTY POLICE DEPARTMENT. Mavis, Joyce, Max and Lily have been waiting for several hours. Lily is reading a book and Alex is crocheting. Joyce looks up at the ceiling and closes her eyes, tears streaming down her face. Mark comes out of the sheriff’s office and his nice white T-shirt is stained with blood. His face is covered in blood. Joyce gasps and screams. Mavis struggles to breathe. Did her brother kill someone?

MARK: Mavis, I can explain. Joyce, please go home with the kids. I’ll tell you everything when you get home.

JOYCE: No, I am not “going home,” Mark, until you tell me what the hell is going on!

Max and Lily stare in silence at their father. Mark takes a deep breath.

MARK: I rode down to town an hour away and found Uncle Robert.

Mavis freezes.

Mavis: I thought he was dead. No one in the family had spoken of him for years.

MARK: Not yet. He was talking outside with his buddies outside a bar. I went outside and froze when I saw who it was.

FLASHBACK, EXT, 10:00 PM, DESERTED LOOKING TOWN. Mark is walking and comes across Uncle Robert talking with a group of men outside a bar. Mark freezes. Uncle Robert turns and gives him a nasty look. He is 50, divorced and an alcoholic.

UNCLE ROBERT: What’re you lookin’ at, motherfucker?

Mark goes straight up to Uncle Robert and knocks the daylights out of him. Uncle Robert’s face gets bloodier until Mark has beaten it a pulp.

MARK: You got away with what you did to my sister! I will never forgive you!

He turns away and hears a click. Uncle Robert has aimed his pistol at Mark and has a menacing look on his face. Mark takes a step forward and laughs.

MARK: You may seem scary, but you’re nothing but a coward. A piece of shit. I will never forgive you. And neither will Mavis.

Uncle Robert sighs and pants, then gives Mark a twisted smile and laughs.

UNCLE ROBERT: No one has caught me yet. Why should you be the first?

Mark tries to find a distraction.

MARK: Hey, police! Behind you!

Uncle Robert turns and before he knows it, Mark grabs the pistol and shoots Robert in the stomach. Twice. Blood pools around Robert’s body. Robert struggles to crack and smile before closing his eyes.

ROBERT: Tell Mavis I said–

He is dead.

Now Mark really hears sirens. The police are coming for him.

My Wild-Ass Dream

Dream had on July 4, 2024

I had a dream that I made an audition tape, and I got chosen as one of the youth guests to be on Stephen Colbert’s late-night show. I was in a ballroom and was typing out this book I was working on, and then Stephen Colbert appeared behind me with this huge smile on his face, and I exclaimed, “Holy shit!” and apologized for cursing. He laughed and said it was fine and we hugged because I was so in awe of meeting Stephen Colbert and getting to be on his show. I then found out who the other people who got nominated to be on the show were, and Nicholas Braun (who plays Cousin Greg on the show Succession) was one of the people nominated. I then found myself trying to get ready for the show and then I was in a bedroom with my mom, and I was watching a movie that was in Hindi and it had Hindi subtitles. I kept changing the channel and then found myself on a movie set where I was wanting to act in the musical Rent (it was downtown.) Mom was sleeping and so I watched the movie by myself.

Then, I was in a pub, and Shiv Roy from Succession wouldn’t let me and someone else use this black SUV that was parked out front. They needed to take someone to the airport because they played tuba in a symphony orchestra. Shiv was pregnant and was wearing a long black wool coat and was talking on her smartphone a lot. I think she was also carrying a cello to fit in the back seat of the van. Then I was back inside the pub, and I was in an interview at a round booster seat area with Stephen Colbert, who was asking me, Nicholas Braun, and another young person about how we overcame our addiction to drugs and alcohol (edit: in real life, I haven’t struggled with addiction, and I don’t think Nicholas Braun did either.) I was talking about how drinking alcohol didn’t make me feel like myself and so I stopped drinking. At the end of the interview, I shook hands with Stephen Colbert, and he thanked us for coming on the show. Then, at the after-interview party, I wanted to share Buddhism with one of the servers at our table, so I saw one of the servers, a short Latina woman and saw she was standing to the side. I wrote the address of our local Buddhist center on a card with the words “Nam myoho renge kyo” on it and asked the server if she had heard of Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. She said, “Someone gave me a card already” and showed me a bent Nam-myoho-renge-kyo card that someone had left. I thanked her and then was looking around the bar to find Nicholas Braun. I saw him talking with some people and I really wanted to get his attention, so I kept looking at him from across the room. I don’t think he noticed me.

Then, I found myself going through these different rooms and down staircases where people were singing about love, sexuality and finding someone, and I was on a balcony where, down below, was a garden. A random person asked me, “Is the movie Trainspotting graphic?” and I said, before leaping down the balcony, “It is VERY graphic because it portrays drug use.” (edit, 7/28/2024: in real life, I had read the novel Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh several years ago, but honestly it was a depressing book so I don’t know if I can handle the movie, even though I love Ewan McGregor and think he is an incredible actor.) Then, I was going down a staircase through a basement, singing in a soulful voice like Celine Dion about how I really wanted someone (in this case, Nicholas Braun) to see how perfect I was for him. Then a white man, who was an actor, was re-enacting a scene from a play and a Black woman, who was also an actress, was breaking up with him. I climbed down the staircase while singing and a bunch of other women of color were singing and swaying around, and one woman was sitting on the staircase, so I had to tell her, “Excuse me,” as I walked down. Then I saw these receipts hanging down from the staircase, and realized those were the receipts from all the romantic stuff I had bought for my crush, Nicholas Braun. And then I woke up.

Mavis, part 1 (content warning: sexual assault)

Setting: Dallas, Texas. 2005. Mavis is a 32-year-old unmarried woman who lives on her own and works at a grocery store. She is white and has thick brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. Her mother named her Mavis after Mavis Staples. When Mavis’s mom was pregnant with her, she went to a concert where The Staple Singers were performing, and unborn Mavis loved the music so much that she couldn’t stop kicking inside her mama’s belly. Mavis’s mom often listened to old Motown and gospel music growing up, and Mavis developed an appreciation for this music at a young age.

Mavis goes into a bar and hears “Heavy Makes You Happy,” a song recorded by The Staple Singers. Mavis closes her eyes and dances freely on the dance floor. She smiles, she feels so free and young. She lets her hair down and lets it whip back and forth. People around her are cheering her on as they dance, too. A young man named Otis, wearing a cowboy hat, approaches her and dances with her.

Otis: Hi!

Mavis: Oh, hi!

Otis: What’s your name, pretty lady?

Mavis: What’s yours?

Otis chuckles. This little lady is so cute, her drunk ass partying on the dance floor.

Otis: Otis!

Mavis turns around in a circle.

Mavis: Nice to meet you, Otis!

Otis: You never told me your name!

Mavis: Just call me the loser drunk single woman!

Otis puts his body around her, but Mavis suddenly feels uncomfortable and steps back.

Otis: Come on now, girl, I ain’t gonna hurt ya. I’mma give you a great time, okay?

Mavis finds it hard to breathe and struggles to breathe. She is having a flashback to when she was fourteen years old and was sexually abused by her 36-year-old uncle, Robert. She was reading in her room during that Thanksgiving dinner on November 25, 1987, when she heard a knock on the door.

Mavis: Come in, Mom!

Inside walks Uncle Robert, a 6 foot tall creepy-looking dude leering at her. Mavis developed breasts before the other girls her age and often got teased about it at school, so she hid them under large shirts.

Robert quietly locks the door.

Robert: Hey, sweet girl, what’cha reading?

Mavis holds up To Kill a Mockingird as he sits on the bed. Robert smiles and snatches the book from Mavis and throws it on the floor. She gets up to grab it, but Uncle Robert grabs her wrist and restrains her. He pushes her onto the bed, pinning her down with his knees and unbuckles his belt. Mavis is scared.

Mavis: Uncle Robert, please!

Uncle Robert is naked from the waist down. He looks at Mavis in a disgusting fucked-up way. He grabs her large T-shirt and pulls it over her head. Mavis whimpers, feeling powerless against this giant of a man. He pulls down her panties and smells them, with a creepy smile on his face. Mavis is struggling to breathe. She screams and Robert clamps her mouth shut with his large hairy hand, which is sweaty and gross. He leans down to her face, and she can smell a foul garbage odor as he breathes down her neck.

Robert: Now don’t you go telling Mommy and Daddy, but Uncle Bobby is gonna give you a great time, okay?

Robert inserts his penis inside Mavis, and Mavis cries in pain, tears streaming down her face. Mavis’s older brother, Mark, goes up to his room to grab some aspirin for Aunt Maybel, who has a headache at the dinner table, and he freezes when he stops in the hallway. He hears blood-curdling screams and realizes it’s coming from Mavis’s bedroom. He runs and tries to open the door, but it is locked. He kicks at the door, but to no avail.

Mark: MAVIS! MAVIS!

And then he realizes that Robert had left the table and didn’t come back for a while, and everything clicks.

Robert collapses on top of Mavis. He struggles to get up and pants heavily. He stumbles around as he puts his pants back on, leaving Mavis on the bed frozen and numb with fear. Blood trickles out of Mavis’s vagina and leaks on her flowered bedsheets. Robert unlocks the door and sees Mark standing there. Mark runs in and pummels Uncle Robert with a baseball bat.

Mark: YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!! What did you do to my sister!!! YOU FUCKING PEDOPHILE!!!

Robert curls up in fetal position with every blow of the baseball bat.

Robert: Hey man, cool out! We were just having fun!

Mark grabs him by the collar of his shirt.

Mark: You call this shit FUN?!? Now my sister can’t have her life back because of YOU, you fucking monster!

Mark drops the baseball bat and yanks the landline phone off the hook in the hall.

Mark: I’m calling the police. Right now.

Robert starts laughing. He’s had a lot of alcohol.

Robert: No one will believe you. Mavis, sweeties, we had fun, didn’t we?

Robert gets up and leaves the room, giving Mark the middle finger as he stumbles off down the stairs. Mark closes the door and locks it. Mavis continues to lie there, silent and paralyzed.

Mark: Mavis? Mavis?

He reaches out to touch her and Mavis recoils. Mark is shocked.

Mark: Mavis it’s me! Mark! Your big brother! I got Robert to leave and I’m—

Mark is shaking. He trails off and collapses in a corner and starts crying, hugging his knees to his chest. He shakes his head over and over.

Mark: No, no, no, no… what did he do? What did he do? Dear Lord, please bring back my baby sister. Please bring her back.

Mavis wants to hug him but she can no longer trust anyone after what happened.

Mark: I have to tell Mom and Dad.

Mavis shakes her head.

Mavis: No, no, no, no…you can’t.

Mark: Mavis…

Mavis: Mark! You cannot tell anyone what happened! Uncle Bobby will go to jail! How will that look for the family?!?

Mark: But Mavis–

Mavis: It’s my fault. I led him on.

Mark: Don’t you say that.

Mavis: It’s my fault.

Mark can only cry and feel pain. He kicks himself for not saving her in time.

INT, present-day, Bar: Mavis cries and walks away from Otis.

Otis: Hey, hey, what’s wrong?

Mavis leaves the bar, with Otis shouting at her to please come back and that he didn’t mean any harm.

Ext, bus stop, 8:00 PM. Mavis is standing outside, waiting for the bus. She gets out her cell phone and calls her brother, Mark.

Mark is at his house, eating dinner with his wife, Joyce, and his two kids, Violet and Sammy. His phone rings.

Mark: Hello?

Mavis: Mark?

Mark: Mavis? Where are you?

Mavis: I’m at the bus stop. Hey, listen, can I…stay with you guys for tonight?

Mark looks around, unsure.

Mark: Um, I guess. I mean, I’m having dinner with my family, but…

Mavis: Sorry, I didn’t want to bug you. It’s just that I don’t know if I can go home alone. Every time I walk alone at night, I see Uncle Bobby grabbing me and doing that horrible thing to me.

Mavis chokes back sobs and covers her mouth.

Mavis: I just think he is going to come back and get me.

Mark is shaking, as he remembers Uncle Robert raping Mavis.

Mark: I’ll come pick you up. Don’t go anywhere.

Mavis breaks down.

Mavis, whispering: Thank you, seriously, I–

Mark: Hey, hey, sis, don’t worry, ok? It’ll be ok, just stay there and I’ll be there in ten minutes.

She hangs up and stands outside. The bus pulls up.

Bus driver: You gettin’ on?

Mavis: I’m good. But thank you.

The bus driver shrugs, and a houseless lady with a grocery cart gets on the bus, along with a college student and his girlfriend. The bus closes the door and meanders on down the road.

End of part 1

Most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten

Daily writing prompt
What’s the most delicious thing you’ve ever eaten?

I went to a vegan restaurant and they had an oyster mushroom “chicken” sandwich. It was heaven. As someone who has never tasted chicken in my life (I was raised vegetarian) I wouldn’t know how the oyster mushroom sandwich compared to eating a real chicken sandwich, but all I know is that it was very good.

Movie Review: Priscilla

Last year I saw the movie Elvis, directed by Baz Luhrmann and starring Austin Butler as Elvis Presley. I haven’t seen many of Baz’s other movies, like his remake of The Great Gatsby or Moulin Rouge!, so I wasn’t as familiar with his directing style as I was with someone like Yorgos Lanthimos or Greta Gerwig. Elvis is a movie full of flashy cinematography that brings to life Elvis as the superstar that he was. In the film, there are a few scenes where we see his wife, Priscilla Presley, observing him as he flirts with screaming horny women at his shows while he gyrates to the music. We see him slap her ass affectionately before they head to bed. And we see him crying on the steps in their mansion in Graceland as she grabs her suitcase and leaves him (and their marriage) because she won’t put up with him anymore. But the film mainly shows Elvis’s toxic and tumultuous relationship with his manager, Tom Parker, and it presents a very extroverted version that brings the King of Rock n Roll to life. The focus was on Elvis’s life and not the woman who he was married to.

Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely loved Elvis. It was a very well-directed movie, and I loved Austin Butler’s acting. The music was incredible. But I was glad when they came out with a biopic about Priscilla Presley because up until then I really didn’t know much about her life and most of the musical biopics that I have watched about famous male musicians are focused on the men and their wives (and oftentimes mistresses) are supporting characters. (Also, it was an A24 distributed film, and I just couldn’t refuse.) The film Priscilla delved more into the relationship between Priscilla and Elvis, and how he actually treated her behind closed doors. This film is about how she meets Elvis and how she ends up finding her freedom and leaving a marriage that left her unhappy and disillusioned. I haven’t seen many of Cailee Spaeny’s previous films, but she was an incredible actress in this movie. Priscilla doesn’t speak much but even with her eyes she communicates so much about what she is feeling. Jacob Elordi also did an incredible job as Elvis Presley, and the film shows him in those private moments when he is with Priscilla. It doesn’t focus on his shows and his tour like Elvis did; instead, it focuses on how Elvis’s constant touring impacted his relationship with Priscilla and how she navigated being married to a famous person. It’s based on a memoir that Priscilla Presley published called Elvis and Me, and I haven’t read it yet but now I want to.

The movie begins in 1959 at the US Air Force Base in West Germany, where Priscilla Beaulieu, who is fourteen years old, is sitting at a bar doing her homework. Priscilla is from Austin, Texas, but she goes to Germany because her father is stationed there. She meets a young man named Terry West, who has a connection with Elvis Presley. He offers to take her to meet him because he, too, is in Germany, and she agrees to meet with him. When she meets Elvis at a party, she is taken in by his charm and his good looks. He is ten years older than her, but she catches his eye, and he starts to ask to see her more often. At first, Priscilla has to tell him that she has to ask her parents’ permission first, and her parents aren’t keen on Elvis because he is much older than Priscilla. However, Elvis is lonely, and his mom passed away, so he wants a woman to keep him company. Priscilla starts to feel bad for him, and she start to hang out with him more. Priscilla becomes Elvis’s girlfriend, and she starts hanging out with him more, and he becomes the sole focus of her life. She daydreams about Elvis in class, she goes through the halls of school feeling lovesick. And then, as their relationship deepens, Elvis has Priscilla gradually change the way she dresses and the way she looks. She starts wearing mascara, she does her hair a different style and she starts to dress in more stylish clothes. He enrolls her in a Catholic school and makes sure that she does her homework and passes her classes while they are in a relationship. The girls at school start to notice that she is in a relationship with Elvis, and they start gossiping about Priscilla. He also gives her drugs and sleeping pills, which end up knocking her out for two days at one point. She wants to have sex with him, but he constantly tells her to hold off on it. He controls every aspect of Priscilla’s life and doesn’t seem to care about what she wants or needs from the relationship. Priscilla graduates from high school and with her parents’ permission, she marries Elvis. However, she soon realizes that her marriage is far from the fairytale she expected it to be, because while Elvis is on tour, she stays at home and waits for him to come back. Meanwhile, she reads that he is having affairs with numerous women, and when she is pregnant with their first child, she finds out that he is having an affair with Nancy Sinatra. Even though she confronts him about his affairs, he tries to beat around the bush and tell her that he loves her. Eventually, she gets fed up and she decides to take taekwondo and find her own friend group, and she starts a new relationship. Even though it is tough to leave him, she realizes that she is not being treated with the respect that she deserves in her marriage to Elvis, and she leaves Graceland.

Honestly, this movie reminded me of season 3 and 4 of The Crown. Prince Charles falls in love with Diana Spencer, even though he is in a relationship with her sister Sarah. Diana is 16 at the time and Charles is older than her, but he is smitten by her when they first meet. They start to want to see each other more often and eventually they get married. However, Diana soon realizes that her marriage to Charles isn’t the fairytale marriage she imagined, as he is emotionally abusive and cheats on her with another woman. In one of the episodes, “Fairytale” Diana is seen rollerblading around Buckingham Palace by herself while everyone else has left the palace and she becomes increasingly lonely. She develops bulimia and is basically living a nightmare where no one respects or values her, including the man she is married to. This reminded me of the scenes in Priscilla where Priscilla has to be in the house all day while her husband is on his tour sleeping with other women. Elvis, like Charles, is controlling and wants control of his wife’s life. When Priscilla asks him about his affairs, he tells her “Oh, it’s nothing. I love you” even when it’s splashed across the papers that he’s sleeping with various women. I think that’s why the last few scenes were a relief, because I was like, Girl, this man does not love you. You need to get out and she finally left Graceland because she realized she wanted to be happy, and she wasn’t happy being with this man. I also thought about the movie Spencer with Kristen Stewart because that film shows how Charles’ affair with Camila affects Diana psychologically and emotionally, and how she finds her freedom and leaves the confines of Buckingham Palace to become her own person. Spencer shows how Diana struggles with bulimia and being confined in the walls of the palace, having to follow all these rules and restrictions and then finally realizing she deserves to be free (sadly, in real life, Diana died in a car crash, which is why it was so emotionally hard for me to watch this last season of The Crown because it shows the events leading up to the car crash and it just made me think, Wow, I really wish I could have met Diana. I was only four when she died, and as a kid I didn’t know much about her, but after watching Spencer and The Crown, I felt sad that I never got to meet her.)

There was one scene in the movie that reminded me of another movie I saw a while ago. In Priscilla, Elvis is listening to his records, and he is frustrated with the quality of the records, and Priscilla is just standing there quietly in this room with Elvis and these record executives, and Elvis asks her what she thinks about the records. When she shyly shares her honest opinion about one song and how it’s not that great, he throws a chair at her, narrowly missing her. He then proceeds to hug her and tell her “Baby, sorry I lost my temper. I love you so much.” He wanted to be told that he was a great musician, and when his wife didn’t tell him that, he took out his anger on her. It reminded me of this movie I saw called The Wife, which is about a man named Joe who receives the Nobel Prize and his wife, Joan, is excited for him, but as the movie progresses, it becomes more apparent that Joan was the one writing the stories for him and he was taking credit for all of her work. There is a flashback to when Joan and Joe are first married, and he is trying to become a writer so that he doesn’t have to keep his job as a college professor. When she reads his story manuscript, he wants her honest opinion, and she tells him that it’s not that good. When she gives her honest opinion, he gets upset with her and tells her that if she doesn’t provide him reassurance that he is a good writer, that he will leave her and their marriage. Joan doesn’t want him to leave, so she puts herself down by saying that she will never be as good a writer as he is. Throughout the movie, Joan, like Priscilla, navigates life as a quiet and private person, while her husband Joe, is more extroverted and networks at parties while putting down his son, David’s, dreams of becoming a writer. However, it’s clear that Joan is the one who should be getting all the credit, not her husband, who didn’t write the books himself but forced her to spend hours and hours a day away from their kid so that she could write the books for him and have them published under his name. Even though a biographer named Nathaniel wants to publish all these private details about her marriage to Joe, Joan refuses because she is a private person and wants to remain confidential about her life. Of course, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t harbor a lot of hurt and anger towards her husband; she totally does. But she just doesn’t want all the publicity and she is also aware that Nathaniel could get so many details of her personal life incorrect and provide an inaccurate portrayal of her marriage to Joe.

The dynamic between Priscilla and Elvis sort of reminded me of another movie called Lovelace. Lovelace is about Linda Lovelace, who fell in love with a man named Chuck Traynor and was coerced into the pornography industry. The film doesn’t focus on Linda’s films; it focuses on the sexual abuse and trauma she suffered in her marriage to Chuck. When Linda first meets Chuck, she is trying to escape her home life. She got pregnant in her early 20s and she has to live at home with her parents, who she doesn’t have a good relationship with. When she and her friend are out at a party, Linda finds people watching a pornographic movie and a much older man named Chuck finds her attractive and leads her into the pornography business, where she becomes a celebrity and films a movie called Deep Throat. Chuck starts off being charming, and even though he is older than Linda, Linda sees Chuck as the only way out of her unhappy home life, so she starts spending time with him. As she becomes more involved in the pornography business, her parents start to become concerned. In one scene, she excitedly tells her parents that she got to meet Sammy Davis, Jr., but her parents realize that their daughter has changed and even though she achieved this fame, it’s in an industry that doesn’t have a great reputation. However, as Linda and Chuck continue their marriage, he becomes abusive and hits her several times and forces her to have sex with him. Even though she achieved star status, it came at a huge cost where she was disrespected and abused. She finally has to get the help of someone who gets a bunch of guys to beat up Chuck, and she leaves the pornography industry. She ends up in a loving marriage with a child, and became a born-again Christian, speaking out about the abuse she suffered at the hands of Chuck.

Watching Priscilla and seeing how Priscilla transformed through the course of her marriage to Elvis reminded me of this part in the book Discussions on Youth that I read. There is a chapter called “What is Love?” and in the chapter, Daisaku Ikeda talks about how it’s important to find happiness within our own lives and that happiness is not something that someone, like a lover, can hand to us. I have little experience being in relationships to be honest, but a few years ago I fell in love with someone who was quite charming, and I had kindled a crush on this person in the distant past, but I found myself escaping into fantasies and daydreams of me and this person being together, raising a family and growing old together. This crush pretty much took over my life, and I thought, One day, we are going to marry and be happy together. It’s why when I was watching Priscilla, I really resonated with the scenes where Priscilla is daydreaming about Elvis in class and how her relationship with Elvis starts to impact her performance in school because her love for Elvis starts to consume her daily life. I let my crush on this person consume me to the point where even hearing his voice was enough to make me melt into a puddle. I remember in junior year of college filling my journal with entries about his looks, his charm, the way he flirted with me. I was so lovesick after we fell in love that I couldn’t even eat breakfast and would leave many a plate of perfectly good, scrambled tofu unfinished as I daydreamed about him in the dining hall, during class, during my summer break.

However, I wasn’t willing to accept the fact that he had a girlfriend already and continued to live in a fantasy world with me and my dream husband being happy together. It took him proposing to his girlfriend for me to snap out of my fantasy and realize that this person was happy in his current relationship and that I needed to move on and not idealize our relationship just because we had feelings for each other in the past. I fell into a pit of despair, and honestly it took a lot of therapy and Buddhist chanting for me to ease my way out of the hellhole of emotional pain I was in. I think what helped during this time was reading a passage from Daisaku Ikeda’s book Discussions on Youth, because in this chapter he says “happiness is not something that someone else, like a lover, can give to us. We have to achieve it for ourselves. And the only way to do so is by developing our character and capacity as human beings–by fully maximizing our potential.” (Discussions on Youth, page 64) After reading this and chanting about it, I have gradually begun to see that I was seeking happiness outside myself. I was depending on this young man to give me happiness, and I finally understood after three years of really digging into my Buddhist practice and seeking therapy that I had to become happy whether I ended up with him or not. My self-worth had become so tied up in wanting to be with this person that I lost sight of myself, my goals and my dreams. It was painful to confront the fact that I had been crushing on someone who was with someone else, and that love would forever go unrequited. But I am also realizing that there are other great people out there and that I have the potential to attract someone great in my life. I also realize I deserve a relationship filled with love and mutual respect. It’s not easy to believe this every day but it’s something I want to keep telling myself more often.

Anyway, I need to wrap this review up because it’s gotten really long, and I am starting to ramble at this point. Thank you for reading and to close, I recommend Priscilla because it is a really good movie. Also, the soundtrack for the movie is incredible. I went on YouTube and listened to many of the songs because I love old hits.

Priscilla. 2023. Directed by Sofia Coppola. Rated R For drug use and some language.

Movie Review: Causeway (in honor of Memorial Day)

I’m pretty late in writing this post since Memorial Day happened last week, but I wanted to squeeze in a movie about veterans to commemorate the day. I was figuring out what movies to watch for Memorial Day, but I have a weak stomach and probably couldn’t sit through Apocalypse Now or Saving Private Ryan, even if these are critically acclaimed movies. However, I remember trying to catch up on my Oscar-nominated movies last year, and I missed one of the nominees. It’s a movie called Causeway, and it stars Jennifer Lawrence and Brian Tyree Henry (I was almost going to type “Brian Austin Green” because I watched an episode of Abbott Elementary and Barbara Howard keeps mixing up Black celebrities’ names and White celebrities’ names. She says she loves Brian Austin Green, but she meant another actor, Brian Tyree Henry.) I saw the trailer, and I love A24 movies, so I was pretty excited from the beginning to see this movie. I am forever thankful I have access to Apple TV, because Causeway is an Apple TV movie.

Causeway is about a young woman named Lynsey, who returns from fighting in Afghanistan to her hometown of New Orleans, Louisiana, after suffering a traumatic brain injury. The beginning of the film shows how she goes through rehabilitation and has to learn how to speak and walk again after the injury. She also has to take several medications and suffers severe PTSD. She leaves the rehabilitation center even though the person taking care of her doesn’t think she is ready to leave, and she moves back home to her mother’s house. She gets a job cleaning pools, but while she is driving the truck, she has a panic attack and cannot steer the truck and ends up crashing it while driving through a busy intersection. She takes the damaged truck to a mechanic named James (Brian Tyree Henry) and has him get it fixed. He tells her that he will call her when it is fixed, and she says she doesn’t know her phone number. At first, he thinks she is kidding, but she tells him she is actually serious that she doesn’t remember her number. He develops a deep understanding towards her, and they develop an incredible friendship.

This movie reminded me of another film I watched called Mudbound. In the film, a white couple named Henry and Laura McAllen move near a Black family named the Jacksons in 1940s Mississippi, and they have to navigate racial tension. Ronsel Jackson and Jamie McAllen both serve in the war. Even though they fought in different units, they come back feeling disillusioned and lost after the war. The rest of the family can’t see eye-to-eye, but Ronsel and Jamie develop a meaningful friendship and share with each other their experiences fighting in the war. Jamie experiences PTSD and has serious flashbacks to when his fellow pilot got killed in battle. Ronsel comes back to a world of Jim Crow racism where he can’t go through the front door of a shop like white people do just because he is Black, and where he gets called “boy” and the N-word. Both Jamie and Ronsel struggle to readjust to life back at home, and even though they live in a segregated community, they treat each other like brothers and friends. In Causeway, James empathizes with Lynsey because he was in a traumatic car accident and he lost his leg and his nephew, Antoine, who died in the accident. Both James and Lynsey dealt with the worst kind of suffering imaginable, and due to their shared experiences, they develop a very deep connection of trust and respect. There is one scene where James takes Lynsey out to eat and a guy hits on Lynsey when she is trying to enjoy her time with James in peace. Lynsey lies and tells the guy she has a boyfriend, and James tells the guy to back off. After the guy leaves, Lynsey tells James that she doesn’t have a boyfriend and while they are leaving the diner she tells him that she is actually a lesbian. But James is respectful of that, and they end up smoking weed and drinking beer on a bench in a basketball court. Lynsey opens up about her brain injury, her brother’s drug addiction and how her mom was the only one left in their house, and James tells her about the car accident he was in. I think what their interactions showed me is that vulnerability takes courage and it’s not easy to open up to people we don’t know, but once we do it can open the doors to a beautiful connection.

Even though I don’t have PTSD, I felt I could kind of relate to Lynsey’s struggle with mental health. She goes to the doctor, and he goes over her medications, and she tells him that she wants to stop taking the medications. He tells her that getting off the medications could cause depression, seizures and other side effects, and that she is probably functioning precisely because she is taking the medication. He then has her tell him in more detail about the brain injury she suffered, and she discusses it in more detail, reliving the nightmare that she lived through. She later tells the doctor she wants to redeploy, but he tells her she might not want to do that because she suffered a traumatic injury, so she needs significant time to recover from the injury, especially since the injury impacted her mental health. But she tells him that she wants to redeploy because serving in the war made her feel like she had a purpose, while back home in New Orleans she doesn’t feel like she has a purpose. She tells her mom that she wants to redeploy, and her mother tells her to not go back. Her mom tells her that a friend of hers is hiring in an office she works at and encourages Lynsey to take the job, but Lynsey says that she is already employed cleaning pools. Her mother is disappointed that she is cleaning pools instead of working a comfortable office job, but Lynsey tells her that she can’t work in an office at the moment while she is trying to recover from the injury, especially since she is still just getting back to life at home. I remember when I was in my junior year of college and I suffered a serious depressive episode, and I came home for winter break and my parents found out I was depressed and they sent me to a therapist, who referred me to a psychiatrist. However, I didn’t think I needed to get on antidepressants, so I decided not to go. I also begged my parents to let me go back to school and my parents asked, “Are you sure?” because they were (reasonably) worried after what happened, but I told them I would be fine, and that I just wanted to graduate. However, I came back for the second semester, and it was even harder, especially because I still wasn’t seeking professional treatment for the depression and kept it hidden from so many people. I felt deeply alone, and I had no friends in the new dormitory I was in, so I couldn’t really talk to anyone about what I was going through because I didn’t think anyone would understand.

However, I remember there was a young woman who lived two doors down from me and somehow, she saw deep down that I was depressed, and so she showed me one day that she made a WordPress blog page for me with a message saying, “It’s important to SHARE.” I can’t remember what each letter stood for, unfortunately, but she made it for me because she saw I was really going through a lot of sadness, and she wanted to be there for me. The first week of college, she asked me for directions to a building on campus and we ended up having a really great conversation as we walked. I didn’t know that even just an interaction with someone could save my life, but looking back I have so much appreciation for this person because I really was suffering and felt I had no one to talk to, and she was the only one who could see I was going through something even though I hadn’t opened up to her about my depression. I think watching Causeway showed me that it’s important to ask for help, especially when it comes to struggling with mental illness. The film shows that asking for help isn’t easy, and it often comes with feelings of shame. Lynsey wants to live her life normally again after the brain injury, but she needs to spend a lot of time in recovery. She cannot do a lot of stuff on her own and has to have someone help her. She ends up moving back home, which she doesn’t want to do because she doesn’t feel like she has a purpose living at home anymore. There is one scene where James opens up about the car accident that he was in that killed his nephew. James’s fiancée was in the car accident, and after her son died, she left James, so now James lives by himself. He offers to let Lynsey stay with him because he is lonely and wants to have companionship, but she politely declines and decides to continue living with her mother. However, Lynsey realizes that her mother isn’t looking out for her daughter’s best interest. In one scene, they are in a pool in their backyard just spending time with each other, but then Lynsey’s mother gets a call from someone and leaves Lynsey sitting by herself. Lynsey decides that her mother doesn’t actually care about her life, and she decides to eventually go live with James. I kind of related to Lynsey’s struggle because at first when I moved home, I just needed a place to crash, but I was also incredibly depressed. I hadn’t finished addressing the mental health issues I dealt with in college, so I needed time to address them after college. I remember spending days lying in bed as I searched for jobs, getting rejection after rejection. Most of my friends lived in other parts of the country, and I didn’t see them as much, so I got really lonely. I think having my Buddhist community around was so important during that time because the people in the community supported me and encouraged me not to give up. Even though I didn’t get the symphony job I wanted, I got a job at Starbucks and looking back, that was the job I needed because I needed to gain some basic work experience. In retrospect, I think at the time, I needed to take care of my mental health and focus on paying off my student loans rather than trying to get the job at the symphony. In Causeway, even though Lynsey’s mom tells her she needs a better job than cleaning pools, Lynsey likes the work she does with the pools and it’s where she and James hang out a lot.

Honestly, even within the first ten minutes of Causeway I was crying a lot. Even though I don’t have PTSD, just seeing how Lynsey really struggles through recovery and with her mental health made me think about my own recovery from my depressive episodes. I wanted to just go back to being busy all the time and running around on high energy 24/7, but my depression was a wake-up call for me to slow down and take care of my health. Having depression made it hard for me to do a lot of things I took for granted, and there have been many times it sapped my will to live, but now that I am recovering, I am taking everything a day at a time. I also began to appreciate the little things that I take for granted, such as waking up and brushing my teeth, eating food, and getting sleep. I think also the film score in Causeway was really beautiful and so I think that is why I cried. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind seeing this movie again. It was a really powerful and heartfelt film. Also, the acting was incredible! I remember seeing Jennifer Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook, and she was a really good actress in that movie. And Brian Tyree Henry was in another movie I saw called Widows, which was also really good (I saw it three times because it was THAT good.)

Causeway. 2022. Directed by Lila Neugebauer. Starring Jennifer Lawrence, Brian Tyree Henry and Linda Emond. Rated R for some language, sexual references ad drug use.

TV Review: Season 6, part 2 of The Crown

Well, it’s official. I finally finished watching the last part of the last season of The Crown, a biographical drama on Netflix depicting the life of the late Queen Elizabeth II. This later season covers some crucial turning points in the lives of the people in the royal family. In episode 8, “Ritz,” Margaret, Elizabeth’s younger sister, has to confront serious health issues. She suffers a serious stroke while partying with her friends. She is reciting a poem while smoking a Chesterfield cigarette, and then she loses consciousness, and she hears loud ringing in her ears. Before she knows it, she has collapsed. She gets serious medical attention, and the doctors tell her she has to make serious changes to her lifestyle, one of which is that she cannot smoke any more cigarettes or drink alcohol. In the earlier seasons, Margaret is seen in just about every scene smoking a cigarette and drinking a glass of alcohol. Even after she gets a lung operation (the same one that her father, King George, underwent because he, too, smoked a lot), she continues to smoke. However, as she gets older, the doctors tell her that she cannot continue smoking and drinking anymore because they could be triggering her strokes. This is really painful for Margaret, and she starts to have a “screw-it” mentality, thinking, “Well, I’m going to die anyway.” After she gets her first stroke, she is shown having to learn how to speak and walk again, and the staff are shown dumping her many bottles of whiskey and her Chesterfield cigarettes down the toilet. While on vacation with her longtime friend, Ann, she still smokes cigarettes and drinks alcohol, and while in the shower, she experiences the ringing in her ears and then collapses. She turns on the hot water and collapses, leaving her with serious burns on her feet. Elizabeth is worried about Margaret’s health, but Margaret tells her that it doesn’t matter anymore and that she is going to die anyway, so she might as well do what she wants. Margaret’s birthday is coming up, and she wants to celebrate her birthday at The Ritz. However, Elizabeth doesn’t want anyone to know about her time at The Ritz because she is still a public figure and anything she reveals about her past could be used against her, so when Margaret tries to bring it up at her birthday celebration, Elizabeth cuts her off and gives a moving speech about her relationship with Margaret. There is a flashback to May 8, 1945, to when Margaret and Elizabeth are looking out the window and seeing everyone celebrating Victory Day in the streets because World War II has ended and the Allied Powers, which included Britain, won. Margaret and Elizabeth leave Buckingham Palace, which they are not supposed to do, and go to a hotel in London called The Ritz. Elizabeth thinks they shouldn’t be doing this because it’s against the rules, but Margaret just wants to party and have a good time. An African American soldier leads Elizabeth downstairs to a jazz club where people are partying and dancing. Elizabeth dances with the soldier and has a lot of fun, and Margaret and her friends go downstairs to find Elizabeth dancing and so they join in. They walk back together to Buckingham Palace the next day. This memory is significant because so much has changed between Margaret and Elizabeth since Elizabeth became Queen. Before becoming queen, Margaret and Elizabeth were sisters having fun and running around the palace. But there is one scene in one of the seasons that sets up the tension between Elizabeth and Margaret as adults. Since she is firstborn, Elizabeth faces a lot more pressure to keep herself together, and her father, the king, trains her in government and politics because she is destined to become queen when he passes away. Elizabeth feels a lot of pressure, especially since she is reserved while Margaret is outgoing. Margaret tells her that she could be queen because she likes to boss people around, but when Tommy Lascelles, the private secretary in the palace, hears of this, he immediately tells Margaret that she is not fit to be queen and that Elizabeth is. When Elizabeth becomes queen, she begins to distance herself from Margaret. Margaret wants to do what she wants, including marrying Peter Townsend, who she has an affair with. However, Elizabeth can’t let Margaret do what she wants anymore since there are laws and structures that end up prohibiting Margaret from marrying Peter. Peter ends up getting kicked out of the palace and has to spend time abroad away from Margaret, and Peter ends up marrying someone else, leaving Margaret feeling frustrated and resentful towards Elizabeth. Even as they become adults, Margaret asks for work to do, but Elizabeth can’t just give her a job because she is under a lot of restrictions as well about what she can and cannot do as queen. So, Margaret has to find work to do, and while seeking therapy for her mental health, she ends up finding out about two cousins who were cast out by the royal family for having mental illness and tracks them down. Honestly, I admire Margaret in the show for doing this because quite a few characters in the show struggle with their mental health, yet it’s seen as taboo to discuss it. In season 4, Princess Diana suffers from an eating disorder but no one in the royal family asks if she is doing okay. They just think she is acting out or sulking, but in reality, she is in a terrible unhappy marriage with a man who has been unfaithful to her, and not only that, but Camilla, the woman he is having an affair with, relishes in manipulating the young Diana into feeling worse about herself.

Season 6, part 2, shows how Diana’s sons, William and Harry, grapple with the death of their mother, Princess Diana, and their strained relationship with their dad, Charles. William faces a lot of pressure because he is the older of the two siblings, and as the season continues, Harry and William’s relationship grows increasingly tense. William argues that he faces a lot more pressure than Harry in the public eye, and Harry becomes envious that William is seen as the perfect child while he, Harry, is seen as the redundant child, the spare. (Honestly, after watching this season, I want to read Prince Harry’s memoir, Spare.) In a later episode, Harry and William go to a party that is themed “Colonials and Natives.” William dresses up as a lion, while Harry decides to wear a Nazi uniform with a swastika on the armband. At first, it seems like no one notices, but two students end up taking a picture of Harry’s Nazi uniform and share it with the press, and the newspapers eat this up. Obviously, the royal family isn’t happy to know that Harry did this when they read the morning papers the next day, and Harry feels a lot of humiliation and anger after finding out that someone took a photo of him wearing the uniform and sent it to the press. While meeting with the Queen, Prime Minister Tony Blair tries to make it seem like it was no big deal, and that Harry was just being a teenage boy who didn’t know any better, but Queen Elizabeth tells him that Harry did this two weeks before Buckingham Palace was going to commemorate Holocaust Memorial Day, so they can’t just pretend like it was no big deal. This made me think of when photos and videos of Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau wearing blackface resurfaced, and Trudeau addressed it and apologized because at the time he didn’t know it was offensive. Harry also said that he regretted wearing that Nazi uniform, and later on decided to meet with a rabbi and get educated on the Holocaust. There have been times when I have called people out on stuff that was racist, sexist or homophobic. However, there have definitely been times when I have said something that was uninformed or ignorant myself, and I had to apologize and then educate myself, but I’ve grown in the process of doing this. One time, a few years ago, I made an offensive joke, and someone told me “Hey, that’s offensive,” and at first, I took it personally, but then I realized that what I said was in fact ignorant and so now I don’t tell that joke anymore because I understand that it was hurtful.

Season 6 also shows William’s relationship with Catherine, or Kate, Middleton. Kate’s mother and Kate are walking through London, when they spot Princess Diana and her son, William, signing autographs and giving out magazines to adoring fans. Catherine and her mother approach Diana and William, and Catherine is starstruck and falls in love with William. Back home, she is shown sitting in bed with magazines splashed with William’s handsome face, and her mother tells her that she can find a way so that Kate will end up with William. Kate doesn’t believe it’s possible, but as the show progresses, her mother basically gets her to stalk William. Kate’s mom listens to the radio to figure out where William is staying and where he is going to college. She finds out that William is taking a gap year and so she sends Kate on the same gap year. She finds out that William is going to St. Andrews, so she sends Kate there, too. William falls in love with Kate, even though he is dating another girl named Lola. Lola, like William is wealthy, while Kate works at a restaurant to support herself, so it seems like she doesn’t have a chance at first. However, when William finds out that Kate borrowed the books for the art class they have together, he approaches her and they talk about their memories of the gap year program. They are having a great conversation, but then Lola comes along and feels disrespected that William is flirting with Kate. When a girl asks William for an autograph, he snaps at her to go away. Both Kate and Lola think he was being rude, but then he tells them that they don’t know what it’s like being ogled all the time and constantly having girls harass him for autographs. However, as young women in a sexist society, they deal with being ogled all the time, so they both ditch him. William dealing with the fame and being good-looking reminded me of this guy who worked at Target named Alex. In 2014, a young woman snapped a photo of a sixteen-year-old cashier working at Target named Alex because he was good-looking, and the photo went viral on social media. Alex didn’t know that someone had snapped a photo of him, but pretty soon he achieved this Internet fame and he found it overwhelming, with news agencies camping outside his home and his phone blowing up with notifications and messages. He had to leave his high school and had to be homeschooled due to all the unwanted attention he was getting. He said he preferred a private life away from the spotlight, and I feel that William in The Crown was like Alex from Target because he didn’t want all this publicity. He wanted to be private about his life, but everywhere he went, even in college, girls kept approaching him for autographs and he had very little to no privacy, to the point where a young woman’s mother (i.e. Kate’s mom) is tracking his whereabouts so that her daughter can achieve her dream of being William’s girlfriend. There is one scene where William and his bodyguard are getting groceries, and no one else is around. That is one of the few scenes (probably the only scene, actually) where William is in a public place and doesn’t have to deal with screaming girls and camera-happy paparazzi. In an earlier episode, he gets letters from his schoolmates letting him know to reach out to them if he needs anything, but then he gets another bag of letters from mostly girls around the world. Some are sympathetic, but most of the letters are about how cute and sexy William is. It’s a lot of pressure for William to deal with because he is still grieving the loss of his mom and juggling schoolwork and extracurricular activities, and he just wants to have that time to himself to deal with his grief, not attend all of these engagements and deal with fame.

The last episode is about Queen Elizabeth planning for her funeral in the future. She is overwhelmed at first that Prince Philip wants her to have this big celebration at her funeral because he himself wants to have a lively celebration after his death. She wants a quiet funeral at Balmoral with little noise. At the same time, she and her cabinet are arranging for her funeral in the future, Charles asks her permission to marry Camilla. The Queen wants to say yes, but the archbishops at the various churches approach her and say that it’s not as simple as giving her son her blessing because both Camilla and Charles are divorcees, and they had an affair while they were both married to other people. Their only option is to have a public ceremony where Camilla and Charles confess their “sins” (aka the fact that they had an affair together). Camilla and Charles end up marrying and many people celebrate the wedding.

The Queen also deals with an existential dilemma where she is questioning whether she should step down from her responsibilities as queen and find a successor. There are a few scenes in the last episode where she talks with her past versions of herself (played by Claire Foy, who was in seasons 1 and 2, and Olivia Colman, who was in seasons 3 and 4.) Olivia Colman’s version of Elizabeth tells the 80-year-old version (played by Imelda Staunton), that she should find someone to take her place because other countries have done it before, such as Luxembourg. The 80-year-old version of Elizabeth rejects this idea that she should find a successor, but word goes around that the Queen is finding a successor, and because Charles is firstborn, he is in line to be king when she passes away. Charles is super excited about this, and word gets around that Elizabeth is going to announce his succession to the throne. However, the younger version of Elizabeth (played by Claire Foy) appears and tells 80-year-old Elizabeth that she needs to continue to run things because she has been doing this job, being the Queen, for several decades and no one else has the kind of job experience she has gone through. So, when Charles and Camilla are at their wedding celebration, they think Elizabeth is going to announce Charles becoming king after she dies, but she doesn’t address it and only gives a short speech about how proud she is of Charles and Camilla getting married. Charles is very disappointed that she didn’t make the announcement, but by then she doesn’t have time to chit chat. Once she makes her speech, she leaves the party and goes to pray in a private place in the church away from all the noise. I thought it was so cool how they brought out all three Elizabeths to show how much time has passed from the time Elizabeth became Queen to when she was 80 years old. Also, all three actresses were excellent in their roles as Queen Elizabeth, and they’re great actresses in general. My family and I watched Women Talking, a very intense film about a community of female Mennonites who escape sexual abuse in the male-dominated colony they have spent years in. Claire Foy played one of the women in the movie and she was absolutely incredible. Honestly, that film still gives me chills. I really loved Olivia Colman in The Favourite, which is a movie in which she plays another British queen, this time Queen Anne. The raw energy she brought to that role was incredible, and I was so happy when she won that Academy Award at the 91st Academy Awards for Best Actress. I also saw her in some supporting roles in The Lobster and Fleabag. In Fleabag she plays the main character’s godmother, and in The Lobster, she plays a hotel manager who doesn’t elicit any emotion when telling Colin Farrell’s character that he must find a partner in 45 days, or else he will be transformed into an animal of his choice. It was a very dark and disturbing movie, and by the end I’m pretty sure I had nightmares. But as a single person I found this movie very relatable at times, even though it’s a dystopian movie. And Imelda Staunton made a really good Dolores Umbridge in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I will always remember her pink checkered suits, her smug smile as she enforced all these draconian policies at Hogwarts, the annoying way she said “Hem-hem” whenever she wanted to make a point, the torture she put Harry through when she forced him to write “I must not tell lies,” and the scene where she gets swept away by large winged horses called thestrals while Harry tells her “I’m sorry Umbridge…I must not tell lies,” turning the tables after the disrespect and pain she put that young wizard through. Yep, I will remember all these things because Imelda played her so darn well.

Movie Review: 20th Century Women

Content warning: I do briefly discuss menstruation at one point in the review, so if you get easily grossed out, it’s totally okay to skip this review. Also, it’s a long post, so thank you for reading it.

A few years ago, on Halloween night, I was staying indoors instead of going out trick-or-treating. I didn’t really feel like going out, and the way I tend to wind down after a long day is to watch a movie, so I decided to rent a film called 20th Century Women, a film directed by Mike Mills that stars Annette Bening, Greta Gerwig, Elle Fanning and Billy Crudup. When I first watched the film a few years ago, I unfortunately didn’t get past the first ten minutes because something else came up and I decided to do that instead of finishing the movie. I decided to pick it up again this time because I wanted to know what happened later in the film, and I’m glad I finished the movie because it was really good. I saw another film directed by Mike Mills last year called C’Mon C’Mon, a film starring Joaquin Phoenix as a man who involves his nephew in a film project he is doing. It was a really touching film, and it was really cool how it was shot in black and white even though it takes place in the modern day. Somehow, I am attracted to films that were directed in the 21st century that use black and white coloring during the film, such as Frances Ha, Roma, Mank and Belfast. There is just something aesthetically interesting about using black and white. Even though Frances Ha takes place in the modern day, when I saw that the film was black and white, it gave it this sort of mellowed down feel. I also love seeing Elle Fanning all grown up; I remember seeing her in this one movie called Phoebe in Wonderland several years ago, and she was so young, so it’s really awesome to see how she and her sister, Dakota Fanning, have grown in their acting careers. I also loved Billy Crudup in Big Fish.

If you haven’t seen 20th Century Women, it is a coming-of-age movie that takes place in Santa Barbara, California in 1979, and Dorothea is a divorced single mother in her 50s raising her 15-year-old son, Jamie, while also living with tenants Abbie Porter and Julie Hamlin. The film opens with Dorothea and Jamie shopping at a grocery store and then finding their old car, the one that Dorothea’s ex-husband owned, up in flames. Abbie is a photographer recovering from cervical cancer and Julie is friends with Jamie. Abbie is in love with William, who works on the house that they live in, and they have a sexual encounter. Even though Jamie and Julie sleep in the same bed, Julie wants them to stay friends so that it doesn’t ruin their friendship, but Jamie wants to be with her. Also, she is sleeping with other guys, so he doesn’t have much of a chance with her. Dorothea is worried about her son, especially because he hangs around a lot of kids who are bad influences. He hangs out with a lot of kids who skateboard, and they invite him to Los Angeles to go to a party. He comes home drunk, and Dorothea becomes worried. She enlists Abbie and Julie to support him as he navigates adolescence, and Abbie has Jamie read a bunch of books on feminism and introduces him to the punk rock scene. Through his friendship with Abbie and Julie, Jamie learns a lot about himself and gets educated on a topic that most guys his age probably wouldn’t bother exploring.

One key theme throughout the movie is feminism. Abbie has Jamie read several works by feminist authors and these works fascinate him, such as The Politics of Orgasm by Susan Lydon. However, the other guys he hangs around think he is less of a man for wanting to learn about feminism. While hanging out at the skateboarding park in one scene, a teenage guy is talking about his sexual encounter with a young woman and how he penetrated her, but then Jamie talks about female orgasms. The guy calls him a homophobic slur for being interested in learning more about the female body and beats him up. I didn’t know this, but apparently the punk rock world was pretty divisive, so in the film there is a clash between bands like Black Flag and The Talking Heads. After Jamie gets beaten up, Dorothea goes out to find her car spray painted with “Art [homophobic slur]” and the other side with “Black Flag.” (I don’t listen to much punk rock, to be honest, but I guess the clash between punk rock groups was the 1970s version of modern-day feuds between hip-hop artists such as Drake and Kendrick Lamar.) In another scene, Jamie reads aloud a passage from a feminist book to Dorothea, and she turns around and asks him why he read it to her. Jamie is confused as to why she doesn’t encourage him to read it, and he says he is interested in the topic, but Dorothea tells him that he doesn’t need to explain feminism or the female body to her because she knows about it already. Dorothea confronts Abbie about teaching Jamie about feminism and tells her that learning about feminism is too much for Jamie and to stop teaching him about feminism. Later, when they are at the dinner table with friends, Dorothea finds Abbie sleeping at the table. He has Jamie wake her up, but Abbie says she is tired because she is menstruating. Dorothea is embarrassed and tells Abbie to not mention that at the table, but Abbie continues to explain that talking about periods shouldn’t be taboo, and even has everyone at the table say the word “menstruation” so that it becomes less taboo. Dorothea tries to end the topic, but then Julie brings up that she had sex with a guy while on her period and goes into graphic detail about the encounter. Dorothea is upset and has everyone go home after seeing how uncomfortable everyone is talking about menstruation and sex.

Honestly, though, I appreciate Jamie for making the effort to educate himself on feminism and female sexuality. It reminds me of this sketch I watched from Key and Peele called “Menstruation Orientation,” in which Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele are two men named Shaboots Michaels and T-Ray Tombstone speaking to an audience of men during a Ted Talk (it’s called FAS- For All Species- as a parody of the TED Talks logo) about what to do when their female partners are on their periods. They emphasize to the men in the audience that even if they are uncomfortable with learning about menstruation and don’t want to attend the lecture, they aren’t the ones that have to deal with having a period every month, so they need to learn and get educated on what their wives and girlfriends have to go through. (Note: I am continuing to learn about and get educated on gender and sexuality, and I understand that the experience of menstruation is not limited to cisgendered women like me, but also encompasses people who are trans and nonbinary.)

Warning: contains strong language

When I first saw it, I busted up laughing but as I thought more about it, I really appreciated that Key and Peele did this sketch because growing up, I didn’t know many guys who were comfortable talking about menstruation or willing to educate themselves about it. During health class it was a topic that elicited giggles and inappropriate comments from 8th grade boys (to be fair, I did giggle when my health teacher started talking about the reproductive system, so I was part of that group of immature kids who laughed.) Menstruation always felt like this thing I felt embarrassed about or that I could only talk about with other women, but watching this sketch gave me hope that if I was with a guy I didn’t have to feel embarrassed about mentioning whenever I was on my period or had mood swings. Even still, I sometimes feel embarrassed to talk about my menstrual cycle around people and even feel awkward when getting sanitary pads from the pharmacy and self-conscious while wearing them. But watching how Abbie in 20th Century Women felt openly comfortable talking about her period around men and women, especially during the 1970s, was, well, I don’t have the right word to describe it, but “empowering” sounds about right. I do appreciate how we are working to take the stigma out of talking about menstruation more often. There is a sweet commercial that Hello Flo where a girl called The Camp Gyno goes around giving her fellow campers tampons and giving them “menstruation demonstrations” with a Dora the Explorer doll (spoiler: her program fails miserably because all the girls are getting Hello Flo period starter kits in the mail, so they don’t need her to be Camp Gyno anymore.)

Somehow this movie reminded me of other movies I have seen. Julie and Jamie’s friendship reminded me of When Harry Met Sally, because there is one scene in the movie where Harry tells Sally she is attractive even though he is dating her friend, Amanda, and Sally is offended. Harry thinks it’s ridiculous that he can’t tell her she is attractive without it sounding like he is coming onto her, and when she firmly tells him that they are just going to be friends, he tells her that they could never become friends as a straight male and a straight woman because “the sex part always gets in the way.” Harry argues that a man can’t be friends with a woman he is attracted to because he will always want to have sex with her. Even though Sally remains firm about remaining friends, Harry continues to find her attractive. Even though Julie wants to remain friends with Jamie, he has romantic and sexual feelings for her. Jamie educates himself on female orgasm because he wants to know how to pleasure a woman, but Dorothea is uncomfortable that Jamie is learning so much about the female body at a young age. It’s interesting how their relationship has unfolded over the years, because when he was younger, Dorothea advocated for him to have his own bank account, and even let him skip school when he didn’t feel like going (she even was impressed that he forged her signature when signing absence permission slips.) However, as he gets older, they struggle to have a good relationship together because he is becoming a teenager and is becoming more distant from him. Dorothea loves keeping track of stocks, and has Jamie calculate the stocks with her, but he isn’t interested in doing that anymore. Even though Dorothea asked Abbie and Julie to help her have a deeper relationship with Jamie, Dorothea still wanted to keep Jamie sheltered from a culture of drugs, parties and punk rock.

Also, it’s wild to say this, but it boggled my mind while watching 20th Century Women that there was a time period when people lived without smartphones. They had to entertain themselves and be bored, they couldn’t just watch YouTube or TikTok. There is a scene where Jamie has Julie take a pregnancy test, and they have to wait two hours for the results, so they go outside and learn how to smoke. They didn’t have cell phones at the time, so they had to be bored and find creative ways to have fun. Julie tries to teach Jamie how to smoke like a cool guy, and not look unsure of himself while he does it. But then Jamie decides to stop because he learned that smoking wouldn’t be good for his health. I can only speak for myself, but whenever I feel bored now or stressed or anxious, I want to distract myself from those uncomfortable emotions that are coming up. I distract myself nowadays by going on my phone and scrolling through YouTube. Even though deep down I know my brain is overloaded by all the data and information it is taking in as I spend time scrolling on my smartphone, I still do it because my brain gets a temporary rush of dopamine every time that I check my phone. However, that’s why I have to keep checking my phone so I can have those repeated rushes of this pleasure chemical, dopamine. But before I know it, I have passed time and haven’t done much other than scrolled through YouTube videos on my video feed. I scroll through my phone to avoid being bored, but I end up not feeling great after my phone use. When I finally got bored of YouTube, I decided to pick up a book and read. After I dove into a few pages of the book, I remembered how much fun reading was. While my phone is helpful in many ways, I have also noticed that I tend to be on it a lot, and that I could benefit from cutting back on the time I spend on it. Jamie and Julie would probably live a very different life if they had smartphones in 1979.

Annette Bening is amazing (she is the actress who plays Dorothea, Jamie’s mother). She was in a movie I saw several years ago called The Kids Are All Right, which stars her and Julianne Moore as a lesbian couple who meet the man who was their sperm donor when they conceived their two kids. She was also in a really good movie called Nyad, which is a true story about a swimmer named Diana Nyad who came out of retirement and swam from Florida to Cuba in her 60s. That movie was truly about never giving up, because she had to overcome serious obstacles: panic attacks, killer jellyfish, and saltwater. Not to mention she had to start over several times. But she never gave up, even when her team told her that she could potentially die if she continued chasing this risky dream. It was a great film, and Annette Bening and Jodie Foster made a really good on-screen duo. I also love seeing Greta Gerwig with red hair; for some reason, her character, Abbie, looked like someone I knew in college. Also, I love Greta Gerwig’s other films, which she directed: Lady Bird, Little Women and Barbie. Each of these films spoke to me personally in some way, and the stories for each of them were really touching. In 20th Century Women, I really love how it spans from past, present and future. We get to know each character’s backstory and how their lives unfolded in the future. In all, I’m glad I finally got around to watching the entire movie because it ended up being a really touching and powerful movie.

20th Century Women. Directed by Mike Mills. 2016. Rated R for sexual material, language, some nudity and brief drug use. 118 minutes.

Movie Review: 50/50

I watched a movie a couple of days ago called 50/50. It stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Seth Rogen, Bryce Dallas Howard, Angelica Huston and Anna Kendrick. I really love these actors; I have seen their other movies, and they are all really good in their movies. I really loved Joseph Gordon-Levitt in 500 Days of Summer. This movie was pretty serious; it’s categorized as a comedy-drama, but it’s about a 27-year-old man named Adam who finds out he has cancer. It is based on the director’s own experience with finding out he had a rare form of spinal cancer in his 20s. (I also looked up Will Reiser, the director, on Wikipedia and I found out he attended Hampshire College, which is really cool because I took a couple of courses at Hampshire during my time in college and the people there are pretty cool.)

Even though he is a healthy person, Adam receives the cancer diagnosis, and it shatters his world. When he first tells his friend, Kyle (played by Seth Rogen), Kyle acts as if he is going to be okay and that the cancer is no big deal, but as the movie went on, I saw how Adam’s cancer diagnosis took a hit to his self-esteem and made him question his existence in life. It was also hard for his parents to find out about the cancer, especially because Adam was so young and his mom was already taking care of his dad, who has Alzheimer’s. When they are at the dinner table, Adam tries to prepare his mom for the news, and she laughs it off at first, saying “How bad can this really be?” But when he finally tells her he has cancer, she goes silent and then she cries when she finds out because she doesn’t want to lose her son. Adam also sees a therapist named Katherine, who tries to help him process all of the intense emotions that have come with hearing about his diagnosis and going through chemotherapy. At first, Adam doesn’t want to open up and he thinks that Katherine is only trying to make him feel better and cheer him up, but that what she is doing isn’t effective. However, Adam begins to reflect on what is important to him in life after going through chemotherapy. He is still friends with Kyle, and Kyle has his back the whole time, but it’s really hard for Kyle to see his friend going through this intense battle with illness. The scene where Kyle finds out that Adam’s girlfriend, Rachael, cheated on him was pretty sad, but it also showed me how hard it was for both Adam and Rachael when he found out he had cancer. They hadn’t had sex in several weeks and she felt like they were growing apart. She is late picking him up from the hospital one evening and she apologizes, but at this point he is too worn out to hear about her apologies. Kyle goes on a date and finds Rachael making out with another guy, and when Rachael comes home to Adam and pretends like nothing happened, Kyle comes in and tells Adam that Rachael is cheating on him. Rachael is at a loss of words, and Kyle kicks her out of the house. Rachael tries to come back, but Kyle tells Adam that she needs to leave and that they put her box of stuff outside the house. Rachael tries to reason with Adam that it’s been really hard for her lately and that no one picked up her art at her exhibition. At first, I thought Adam was going to feel sorry for her and want to get back together with her, but then Rachael starts kissing Adam and then he realizes that she cheated on him and he tells her to leave. Kyle then starts taking Adam to parties, celebrating his newly single status, and he tells Adam to use his cancer diagnosis as a tool to pick up girls, but it ends up not working out well. They go out with two girls, and one of them is curious about Adam’s cancer and asks if she could touch his bald head. He lets her, and they go home, but while Adam and the girl are having sex, Adam feels a lot of pain and is too tired from the chemotherapy to have sex, so the girl ends up leaving.

Adam’s cancer diagnosis gets him to start thinking seriously about what he wants out of life. In one hard-hitting scene, Kyle is drunk and wants to drive Adam home, but Adam insists on driving Kyle even though he neither knows how to drive nor has a driver’s license. Kyle at first doubts him, but then he lets him drive since Adam doesn’t have long to live. Adam almost gets them killed and almost hits other cars. Kyle finally has him pull over and shouts at him for his erratic driving and Adam has him get out of the car. Then Adam screams and then breaks down crying because he doesn’t have long to live, and nothing in his life is going as planned. He feels hopeless, but what helps is him calling Katherine to let her know that he is really not feeling okay. This was a total contrast to when he first met her because at first, when she tried to get him to open up, he didn’t want to talk about how he was feeling and insisted he was fine, even when he was going through a very intense chemotherapy process that made him feel like hell. But he realizes that it’s okay to reach out to people and admit that you aren’t okay. Katherine and Adam develop feelings for each other, and Adam begins to feel like he can trust her because she gives him space to feel what he is feeling. Adam also realizes that Kyle is also trying his best to support him because he goes back home and sees that Kyle has been reading a book called Facing Cancer Together, which shows that even though Adam thought Kyle was only focused on sleeping with women and getting high on weed with Adam, he really was doing his best to try and understand what Adam was going through and was willing to do the work needed to support Adam. I thought about this movie called Me and Earl and the Dying Girl, which is about a young man in high school named Greg who doesn’t have a lot of close friends but ends up befriending a young woman named Rachel, who has leukemia. At first, she doesn’t want him around, but as the movie goes on, they develop a strong bond and he and his friend, Earl, support Rachel through her battle with leukemia. It was a pretty sad movie, but it reminded me that facing illness is a battle that you can’t fight alone. I thought about this chapter I read in a book called The Wisdom for Creating Happiness and Peace by philosopher Daisaku Ikeda. The chapter “Facing Illness” talks about illness and death from a Buddhist perspective, and Ikeda says that “illness teaches us many things. It makes us look death in the face and think about the meaning of life. It makes us realize just how precious life is.” (p. 255) I haven’t battled cancer, but I have battled mental illness, specifically clinical depression, and honestly, depression really forced me to look at how I was living my life and got me to examine honestly how I wanted to live my life moving forward. I had thought that I was so useless, that my life had no value or meaning, but through getting professional treatment and engaging in my spiritual practice of Buddhism, I have learned that my life has so much profound meaning and that I can encourage others who are battling depression that it’s okay to ask for help. For so many years I was reluctant to see therapy, to get on medication, but I am realizing that those things are important to taking care of my mental health. In the book I highlighted this one quote in the chapter that really encouraged me: “Though one may be ill, this has no bearing on the inherent nobility, dignity and beauty of one’s life. Everyone, without exception, is an infinitely precious and noble treasure.” (The Wisdom for Creating Happiness and Peace, part 1, revised edition, page 254) I had to read this quote often because having depression made me feel like my life was worthless, that I wasn’t going to be able to live my life because I have depression, but I learned that I’m not the only one struggling and that it’s okay to ask for help. I realized after a certain point that it wasn’t safe for me to continue tackling depression without seeking professional help, and that getting professional help or treatment didn’t make me weak. I love reading the “Facing Illness” chapter in the book because it reminds me that my life is still worthy of respect and valuable even though I have this depression that is telling me that my life doesn’t mean anything. It’s still a battle, but I am hoping to encourage more people through sharing about my mental health challenges more often.

Another part of 50/50 I liked was when Adam made friends in the hospital who were also battling cancer. The first time he meets Mitch and Alan, Alan offers Adam cannabis-laced macaroons and Adam eats a few, and he finds himself going down a hallway with this dazed look on his face and it seems like he is heaven, even as he passes all these people on stretchers and the nurses and doctors running through the halls on these stretchers. Adam looks back and then starts laughing, but then he snaps back to reality, and he is back at home throwing up in a toilet. He develops a great friendship with Mitch and Adam, but then when he finds Mitch is not with him and Alan, Alan tells him that Mitch died. It’s during this scene that Adam has to grapple with the reality that he is dealing with a life-threatening illness, and it makes him feel depressed and wondering why he is still living. Even though Kyle at the beginning was telling Adam, “Oh you’re young, you’ll be fine,” Adam realizes that he can’t take life for granted anymore because he only has a 50/50 chance of living. The pivotal scene comes when Adam and his parents are at the doctor after Adam has gone through chemotherapy, and they are hearing the news of whether the tumor has gotten less or worse. The doctor tells him that the cancer has gotten bad and that they need to do a surgery on Adam to get the tumor out, but that it’s a life-threatening surgery. Adam gets the surgery, and right before he goes in, his mom hugs him and doesn’t want to let him go, but the doctors pull her away and lead Adam into the surgery room. It was pretty painful to see Adam’s parents being unable to spend more time with their son before the surgery because they didn’t know whether he was going to come out alive after the life-threatening surgery. Thankfully, he survives, but that scene was pretty intense. It was easy for me to think that because I was young, I didn’t have to worry about illness and dying, and I thought very much like Kyle, this attitude of “Oh, you’re young, you’ll beat cancer.” But many of my close friends who were older passed away, and it really made me face my own mortality, the inevitable reality that someday I, too, was going to die, so I started to study more about the Buddhist perspective on life and death. Reading this philosophy made me want to take my life more seriously, and I started to get more serious about what goals and dreams I wanted to accomplish. I have started to appreciate my life on a much deeper level, too.