On Being Asexual

First off, I hope you had a happy Valentine’s Day and also Singles Awareness Day! I normally don’t talk about love and relationships, to be honest, because I haven’t had much experience with them. I have had more crushes than sexual or romantic partners, and yet most of my playlist is love songs. Because love is such a universal experience, and it comes in all different shapes, sizes, and colors. That being said, I want to talk about something that I have been exploring a lot of lately, and that is asexuality. For those who aren’t familiar with asexuality, an asexual person is someone who feels little to no sexual attraction. I first encountered the term around 2012, the summer before entering college. I had gone to a college preparatory program at a nearby university, and I was having a casual conversation about dating and romance with some of the people on the program, and one of them said she identified as asexual and that people at school would make fun of her for being asexual. I told them that I didn’t really want to go out with anyone in school, and so then they told me about aromanticism, which is a lack of romantic attraction.

Over the years I have wrestled with my sexual orientation, and whether I am truly asexual or not. I have even taken quizzes online to find out if I am asexual or not. But as I am educating myself and learning from other people’s experiences, I am realizing that there is no single way to be asexual and there is no one way to look or behave as an asexual. While asexuals experience little to no sexual attraction, asexuality exists on a wide spectrum. There are demisexuals, graysexuals and so many other orientations within asexuality. There are asexuals who who participate in sexual intercourse, who get married, who have children, and there are asexuals, like me, who don’t. There are asexuals who are repulsed by sex, who are indifferent to sex, who are sex positive. There are white asexuals and asexuals of color. To be honest, it’s been a journey exploring my asexuality, but I am glad to have gone on that journey. I remember there was an asexuality awareness campus club at my college, and I wanted to join during my first year, but I already had a lot of commitments with work-study, orchestra and my classes that I didn’t know if I would have time. But then sophomore year, I started to wonder, Maybe I want to dig into this asexualiy research a little more. I found the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) and there was a forum, and I was so excited to join, especially because I hadn’t found many other asexuals on campus except for a few. I also had joined an Asexuality Awareness Club on campus, but once again I didn’t end up joining the club for the long term. I think these past couple of years I am still growing and going through this process of self-realization. I even wrestled with wondering whether my asexuality was just a phase and if I would grow out of it or not. But I am starting to embrace it more, even if it is still a work in progress.

Author: The Arts Are Life

I am a writer and musician. Lover of music, movies, books, art, and nature. View all posts by The Arts Are Life