My Job as a Barista

In 2016 after graduating college, I started searching for jobs. It was really challenging because I had this idea that because I had a bachelor’s degree I was going to magically get any job that I wanted. But I was pretty dead wrong. I searched and searched, applying for jobs in just about every field you could imagine. But nothing came up. I also had put on my applications that I could not work on weekends because I had other commitments, and when I went to the manager of the bookstore I applied to, she told me that they didn’t hire me because I couldn’t work on weekends, and to get that job I had to be available on the weekends. I was pretty frustrated, and the six month grace period I had until I had to start paying off my student debt was fast approaching its end. After coming back from a conference for Buddhists in Florida, I finally found a job at a local hotel as a front desk agent. I was pretty excited after a frustrating job search to finally have a job so I could pay off my student debt. The first few days I did a lot of online training and I was fine with it, but my perfectionist tendencies from college kicked in and I found myself wanting to do everything perfectly. I jotted down copious notes for the quizzes I would take during the online training because I was worried I would forget the material and fail the tests. I was so deeply afraid of messing up at this job, but the general manager popped in when I was still working on the training and told me, “Hey, you might want to finish up the training.” He reminded me I didn’t need to be perfect, but I was so stuck in that cycle of I-need-to-be-100-percent-perfect mindset that I just could not stand the thought of making a mistake.

Of course, this attitude didn’t exactly help me when it came to my hands-on training. The girl who was training me was a very laid back kind of gal and she was nice, but I think I came off as a little too uptight and she sensed that. Every time I answered the phones I would freeze up and get nervous, not knowing what to say, afraid to make even the tiniest mistake in my interaction with the person (I had this job about seven years ago, so I am probably exaggerating how much of a perfectionist I actually was, but I’m sure you get the point.) Finally it got to the point where I was so tongue-tied on these calls that the girl finally just said, “Forget it,” and ended up taking over the calls for me. I remember feeling very embarrassed with myself for messing up the phone calls, and I finally went into the bathroom and chanted Nam-myoho-renge-kyo under my breath to calm down. However, I remember getting frustrated one more time and I just lost my shit after that. I screamed, cried, broke down in the bathroom. I was a huge mess. And looking back, I take full responsibility for my behavior during that time. I didn’t handle my emotions well, and I’m glad I started to see a therapist during this time because I was pretty much a nervous wreck who didn’t know how to cope with failure and mistakes. I had these really unrealistic expectations that I was going to be perfect at work, that I was going to do everything right on the first try, but when that didn’t happen, I got really disappointed that my reality didn’t meet my super high expectations. The next day I got a phone call from the manager telling me that I was going to be let go. She didn’t specify what happened, but I’m pretty sure my attitude and behavior was one of the reasons, so I turned in my badge and my shirt and thanked the people for training me and letting me work in the brief time that I did. I also got to get a head start on the loans, so it wasn’t like my time at that job ever went to waste. Looking back, I also learned that I could have viewed my mistakes at the job as an opportunity to grow rather than beat myself up and throw a tantrum in the bathroom.

A few weeks later after continuing to search for jobs (because let’s face it, those loans were still not going to pay themselves off) I found a job at a local Starbucks. I was pretty excited to work for the shop, but again, I found myself struggling to bounce back from mistakes. The first few days I got pretty nervous and was pretty nervous about talking to the customer. And in the morning I had to do a variety of tasks: unstack and reassemble the chairs in the café and dining areas (the coffee shop was a kiosk in a supermarket so I had to work with both departments), brew both the supermarket iced tea and the coffee shop tea, and assemble the pastry display case. One thing I learned about this job was the value of efficiency and time management. I thought I could just stand around and wait for the iced tea in the dining room to brew, but then my manager came over and snapped me out of my daydreaming.

“What are you doing?” they asked, eyes narrowed.

I stammered.

“I’m, uhhh…waiting for the tea to brew.”

“You still have a bunch of other tasks to do before six.”

“Sorry,” I said and rushed back to the kiosk.

“You need to learn to multitask,” they said.

There were a few times I was the only barista behind the counter and I was pretty nervous the first few weeks whenever I had shifts in the morning and had to do the first couple of hours alone. One time, the nozzle for the iced tea in the kitchen broke and I tried and tried to fix it, but the iced tea just kept flowing. I freaked out and thought, Fuck it, I will clean up the mess later, and went back to the kiosk to finish all the other tasks I needed to do. The guest services department came over and told me I had to clean up the mess I had made with the iced tea in the kitchen. Thankfully, when my manager for the coffee shop arrived, she helped me twist the nozzle tight and I’m pretty sure they got a new one after that. When I was alone one time, there was a guy who always ordered a tuxedo mocha and he and I would often begin to chit-chat. He was nice, and I remember he would often tip me $20. I am forever thankful to this guy because those tips often went towards paying off my student debt. I was alone another time and I had to make all these coffee travelers while there was a huge line of people waiting for their drinks to be made. I was totally freaking out because I didn’t know how to do everything at once. I had also spilled a bunch of caramel sauce while trying to refill the bottles (someone had ordered a caramel macchiato). I left quite a few angry customers fuming off with their drinks, even with my apology for making them wait. I later learned how to make the travelers in a more time-efficient way, and the other baristas learned to help each other out by making them ahead of time so that in the morning when the customer came for their coffee traveler the barista could focus on getting the six am folks out the door with their lattes, Dark Roasts and tall blondes, happy and fully caffeinated, not scrambling for ten minutes to find packets of sugar, stirrers, lids, cups and who knows what else (oh, yeah, of course I was missing the key ingredient of the traveler: the coffee.)

To be continued.