- Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead: Brene Brown. This book was amazing. I first heard about Brene Brown when a friend shared with me an animated TED talk she did on empathy versus sympathy, and after that I sought out more from Brene Brown and found this book on my bookshelf at home. It really did change the way I looked at shame, and before reading the book I really didn’t know much about vulnerability, but reading this book reminded me that shame is a very powerful emotion that can be isolating and can tell us lies about who we are, but developing resilience in the face of that shame is so important. It made me reflect on the many times I have struggled with shame, and it made me reflect on the meaning of vulnerability. It’s not about oversharing or just letting all our emotions hang out without consequences or self-reflection. It is about showing up even when you are going to face risk, rejection and disappointment. It made me reflect on the ways that I have shown up and dealt with criticism, fear, rejection and disappointment and just kept showing up even in the face of these things. I read it again a few times and it just reminded me how overcoming shame is a constant practice, but as I develop more resilience in the face of shame, I become more confident in myself and I can encourage others who struggle with these feelings of shame, too, even if I may not have been on the same journey as they have. After reading Daring Greatly, I read her other books: Dare to Lead, Atlas of the Heart, The Gifts of Imperfection, Rising Strong and Braving the Wilderness, all of them also excellent books.
- Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Cannot Stop Talking by Susan Cain. I remember watching a TED Talk with Susan Cain many years ago, and I got this book in high school. I cannot remember exactly what prompted me to get the book, but all I know is that it changed my life forever. I didn’t actually have a term for my introversion, but many knew me as shy and quiet growing up. I didn’t seem to have a problem with it, but as I got older and went through adolescence and college there have definitely been times when I look at my more extroverted peers and think, Gosh, if only I was like them. But reading Quiet in high school reminded me that it was okay to be an introvert, and that I could work on bringing out the strengths I have as an introvert instead of constantly judging myself for not going to this party or not being as talkative as so-and-so. I have gradually become more extroverted in certain social situations, but overall I have noticed I am still very much an introvert even with the passage of time. For my birthday last week I celebrated it very introvert style: I hung out with my family, ate takeout and watched movies. Best day ever. Reading the book, I resonated with many of Susan Cain’s experiences as well as the experiences of the other introverted people in her book, and in short, her book pretty much got me through high school and college, and I am sure it will get me through my 30s, 40s and beyond.
- Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear: Elizabeth Gilbert. This was actually the first book I have read by Elizabeth Gilbert. I had heard so much about Eat, Pray and Love, but I still have yet to read it. But I remember being on the phone with a friend a few years ago, and they recommended this book to me. Honestly, I love it. I was wrestling with whether to keep my creative hobbies as hobbies or turn them into a full-time career. I thought I had to quit my day job in order to be considered a real classical musician or a real writer, but after reading Big Magic, I learned that you don’t necessarily need to quit your day job to pursue your passion. Elizabeth Gilbert, like many writers, worked many different jobs to support herself while pursuing her passion of writing, and this encouraged me because there is so much discussion about finding your dream job and finding your passion, and while those discussions aren’t bad in themselves, of course, you’re not always going to find your dream job right away and it will often take time and effort to find that dream career. But reading this book reminded me to just keep writing, just keep at it. I am currently finishing up another excellent book about writing called Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott, and she reminds me to keep writing, too. I think both of these books have helped me keep my dreams of becoming a writer in perspective. Like, I can still have big dreams but I can no longer just expect someone to magically hand me a gig or that the book will magically write itself without me putting effort into it. Dreams are nothing more than effort and hard work, and I think I am learning that the hard way, but I’m glad I’m learning this lesson.
- Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make-And Keep- Friends: Marisa G. Franco, PhD: I cannot remember exactly how I found this book. I think it was because I was on a newsletter for Meetup and they had a list of books about friendship, and I am pretty sure this book was on the list. I have wrestled with the concept of friendship for a while, and how I think about friendship has definitely transformed over time, but as an adult it can be challenging to maintain friendships, especially since a lot of my friends are moving on and getting married and starting families. I am of course very, very happy for them, but around a few years ago I kind of went through an identity crisis, where I thought, Am I doing this grown-up thing wrong if I’m not married with kids yet? I really love Platonic because it reminded me to keep showing up as a friend, but it also makes a good point that even in friendships respecting others’ boundaries, including my own boundaries, is important in order to have healthy friendships. I sometimes find myself getting anxious if my friends didn’t text me back right away or weren’t always available for me, but in the book she talks about attachment styles, and reading this section about attachment styles helped me understand why I often got super attached to my friends in that way and that I don’t need to always take it personally if they don’t text back right away or can’t always hang out. I am working on respecting my friends’ boundaries and also in the book, Franco talks about how even though it’s important to show up for your friends, it’s important to take care of yourself, too. I am realizing how important this is as I get older. If I am burned out, tired and stressed and not taking care of my well-being, I won’t have any more energy to show up for others. In the book Franco shares about this one young woman who struggled with people-pleasing in her friendships. She was an empath and a good listener, but her friends took advantage of that and expected her to be available for them 24/7. Casey realized these friendships were very one-sided dependent relationships but Franco says that she finally found a friend who wasn’t dependent and who respected Casey’s boundaries. It seems like a lot of people I talk to struggle with people-pleasing, and I am also one of those people. I still struggle with people-pleasing but after reading books and going to therapy I am trying to do a lot better at setting boundaries while also respecting the boundaries of others. In secure friendships both people get their needs met, and I am working on becoming a friend who can show up for my friends while also making sure to take care of myself. In short, I really loved Platonic because it reminded me that even if I am not dating or married, I can still treasure my friendships and the book also encouraged me to not be afraid of cultivating new friendships.
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