The Tour (screenplay, continued)

The camera cuts to the next scene. Interior, Natalie’s room, 9:00 AM, Sunday. Natalie’s iPhone alarm goes off. She grabs it.

Natalie: Oh, fuck off.

She throws her feet out of bed and proceeds to turn off the annoying alarm. She then goes back to sleep because she feels that her dreams are hopeless. She nearly gags and tries to hold back the vomit that threatens to escape from her mouth, and ends up throwing up on her rug. Natalie’s makeup is stained and black eyeliner is melting off of her face. She is a complete mess and doesn’t have her life together.

A loud rap on the door sounds. Natalie ignores it, thinking it’s some solicitor trying to sell her something. The loud rap sounds again and it sounds like African drums beating.

Natalie: Oh, for fuck’s sake.

She opens the door to find Desiree and Alisha standing at her doorstep with their instruments. Desiree is holding her viola and Alisha is holding her cello. Behind them is Desiree’s car, a beat-up Volkswagen van. Natalie is still groggy.

Natalie: What are you guys doing here?

Desiree then erupts in laughter.

Desiree: We’re going on tour, remember?

Natalie rubs her eyes.

Alisha: Are you hungover, Natalie? I can make you a recipe for hangovers. My grandma swears by it.

Natalie: Oh, thanks, but no thanks. Maybe I should get my clothes on.

Desiree gets this mischievous look in her eyes and pretends to be surprised and impressed by Alisha’s idea.

Desiree: Oh, no, Alisha is right. Let’s hang out at your place for a little bit, shall we?

Natalie, rubbing her eyes: Is all your stuff in the car?

Desiree: Um yeah. You told us to pack all our shit, remember?

Natalie: Guys, I had a rough night, I’m sorry.

Alisha grabs both of their hands.

Alisha: We can have a heart to heart over some breakfast.

A frying pan sizzles on Natalie’s stove with bacon and sunny side up eggs. Alisha whistles while she whips up the eggs and bacon. Natalie is sitting at the table, eyes shut tight to ward off the migraine from her hangover.

Desiree: Did you call your boss yet? I called mine this morning.

Natalie looks up with a groggy look in her eyes.

Natalie: No. Maybe I should cancel this tour. We don’t have money and all we have are our instruments and a beat up bus from the Woodstock movement.

Desiree slaps Natalie’s arm.

Desiree: Hey! That’s some sacred shit. My parents got it for their anniversary at Woodstock. It would be a keepsake by today’s standards.

Natalie rolls her eyes, then sips coffee from a Vote for Pedro mug she got from her cupboard.

Alisha: Order up for hangover cure!

She sets three plates on the table. The three eat their breakfast in silence.

Desiree: So are we going on this tour or not?

Natalie: I said no.

Alisha looks up, confused.

Alisha: But you promised.

Natalie: We don’t have any money.

Desiree: You should have some money from work.

Natalie: Do you think my rent, gas, utilities and groceries pay for themselves?

She takes another sip of coffee.

Alisha: I can pitch in.

Natalie: I’m fine, but thanks for your help.

Alisha: Well, how are we going to pay for gas? Food? Any instrument repairs?

Alisha is now very worried.

Natalie is getting exasperated.

Natalie: I told you, the trip is cancelled.

Desiree: I was actually excited about this trip. She shurgs and grabs a mug from Natalie’s cupboard. This one says “I hate Mondays” and has a Grumpy Cat meme on it. She pours herself some coffee.

Desiree: So are you going to call your boss or not?

Alisha turns to look at Natalie in silence, waiting for her answer. Natalie sighs.

Natalie: Ok, but this is going to have consequences.

Desiree: You’re the one who wanted to take us on this trip. Just call your boss and be done with it.

Natalie dials the number of the coffee shop.

The phone rings as the scene cuts to the coffee shop. Natalie’s coworkers Rob answers the phone.

Rob: Sunny Lane Coffee Shop, this is Rob speaking.

Natalie: Hey Rob, it’s Natalie.

Rob: Oh, hey, Nat. What’s up?

Natalie: Is Megan here? I need to talk to her.

Rob: Nah dude, she’s visiting family in Vegas for the weekend. I can give her a message though when she gets back. What’s up?

Natalie pauses, the produces a fake cough from her throat.

Natalie: I’m sick. She feigns more coughing. Desiree and alisha stifle giggles.

Rob: Oh man, I’m sorry. Yrah, it’s been going around. I can just tell her, I’m sure she’ll be cool with it. Take off as much time as you need.

Natalie: Thanks, Rob. I owe you one.

Rob: Don’t mention it.

Natalie ends the call.

Desiree: Well, what did he say?

Alisha gives her the same earnest look she gave earlier.

Natalie: We’re going on tour!

All three of these ladies whoop and cheer. and start hugging each other.

Alisha: Let’s vamos!

Natalie runs up the stairs, almost tripping because she is giddy with excitement.

Desiree: I call shotgun, bitches!

Screen cuts to Natalie’s room. She is packing her suitcase with the utmost passion and speed, while the song “Heads Will Roll” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs plays. She rolls up her clothes in the style of Marie Kondo because she has spent the last few months depressed and how she copes is by watching Marie Kondo. She then packs up all of her sheet music, her folding music stand and her violin. She hurries to the car, Alisha and Desiree waiting for her.

Alisha: Instruments?

Natalie and Desiree: Check.

Alisha: Snacks?

Natalie and Desiree: Check.

Alisha: House keys in case we come back.

Natalie: We’re not leaving America, Alisha. Chill.

Alisha: I don’t care. What if the smoke alarm goes off?

Alisha does a final check to make sure the oven is off and all doors and windows are locked so that no one breaks in while they are gone.

Alisha: We’re officially doing it guys! We’re going on our very own tour, no managers, no nothing!

Desiree: And with no money.

Alisha sighs.

Alisha: You and your sarcasm cannot be friends with me on this trip.

Desiree turns to Alisha and shrugs.

Desiree: Get used to it. It’s in my nature.

The screen cuts to when they are on the road. Ginuwine’s “Pony” is playing on the radio. They start singing along. The music is blasted full volume and Alisha is covering her ears while Desiree belts out the lyrics.

Alisha: MAYBE WE SHOULD TURN THAT DOWN?!? I CAN’T HEAR SIRI WHEN YOU ARE BLASTING MUSIC SO LOUDLY!!

Desiree: THEN TURN SIRI UP LOUDER!

Alisha: I CAN’T! THIS IS ABOUT AS LOUD AS SHE WILL GO!

Natalie, who is driving, turns off the radio.

Desiree: Damn it, Natalie! You just cut off one of the most defining songs in the lives of a defining generation.

Natalie ignores Desiree and keeps driving.

Natalie: Alisha, how long before we get to our first destination?

Alisha looks down at her phone.

Alisha: Um, it says about an hour.

Desiree: Is there a rest stop anywhere?

Alisha calls from the backseat (she is sitting on the left side and her cello is sitting on the right side): You should have used it before we left the house!

Desiree: I have a tiny bladder!

Alisha: Go pee on the side of the road.

Desiree: Fuck no! You think I want some perv driving up to see me without my pants on?

Natalie: There’s no one here, I highly doubt anyone is going to care.

Desiree frowns and then her face lights up.

Desiree: Guys! We’re approaching a gas station.

Natalie sees the gas station ahead of them, but there are only a few cars there.

Natalie: This doesn’t look safe.

Desiree bounces up and down in her chair.

Desiree: For fuck’s sake. I really have to go!

Natalie pulls into the gas station.

Desiree runs out and rushes into the convenience store. There is Muzak playing inside. The scene cuts back to the car.

Natalie: She had better make it quick.

Desiree finds the woman’s bathroom is closed for maintenance and runs into the men’s bathroom without a second thought. She walks past a guy urinating and does her business. She then comes out of the store, only to find Natalie and Alisha being held at gunpoint by a group of perverts.

Desiree: What the fuck?

The first pervert: Come with us.

Desiree: What is going on?

The second pervert: We wanted to ask you pretty ladies the same question. What are three sexy women like you roaming about the open road for?

Desiree: None of your business.

The first pervert: It will be my business when I blow your brains out.

He aims his gun at Desiree’s chest.

Desiree sighs, then explains: We’re musicians and we’re going on a tour.

The third pervert is against Alisha and leers: A tour?

Desiree stammers because she doesn’t want her friends to get killed.

Desiree: Yes. We’re string musicians and we failed our audition, so we decided to go on a road trip and play anywhere we can find money to pay for our gas and food and…

The first pervert: Well, maybe ou want to see your first venue? Or this right here could be the last venue you ever get to see in your life.

Natalie cringes as the gun continues to linger on her cheek.

Desiree panics, which is so uncharacteristic of her at the beginning because she comes off as this super tough-as-nails girl who doesn’t take crap from anyone.

Desiree: Can I ask something> Where are we?

The first pervert: Tucson, Arizona, baby.

His eyes linger on her chest. Desiree gives him a disgusted look.

Desiree: Okay, where are you going to take us?

The first pervert: Get your things from your car and we’ll show you. Let’s make a deal though. If you do what we say, exactly what we say, we will drive you back to the gas station so you pretty ladies can be on your merry way down the road. Does that sound good to you?

His breath reeks of whsiskey and cheap cigarettes, and the smell of it against her nose makes Desiree want to vomit. The pervert puts out his hand for Desiree to shake. She glances at first and then shakes hands with the guy. He pulls her close to him and fondles her butt.

The pervert: It’s so nicely shaped. I wonder what it looks like without anything on it.

With the three perverts trailing them with their guns, Natalie, Desiree and Alisha go to the car and grab their instruments.

The second pervert: And you won’t be needing any clothes, ladies. We’ve got the perfect outfits for you.

The scene cuts to a strip club. The inside is purple and there is loud hip hop music blasting from the loudspeakers as a tall woman wearing nothing but a G-string and red patent leather Louboutin heels grinds and twirls on a pole. The scene cuts to the dressing room, where Desiree, Natalie and Alisha sit completely naked except for each of them wearing pasties and high heels. Natalie looks around at all of the women in the dressing room getting ready. They are all wearing pasties and thongs. Some of them smoke cigarettes, others gossip, and some drink beer. They all look at these three women with their instruments like they just walked off of Planet Mars. They haven’t seen string players in a strip club before.

Natalie: Does everyone have their stands?

Desiree and Alisha raise their stands so Natalie can see.

Alisha: What’s our first piece?

Natalie String Trio in G Major, Opus 9, No. 1 by Ludwig Van Beethoven.

Deesiree: Are these mofos going to even know who that is?

Natalie sighs and rolls her eyes.

Natalie: Unless you want these dudes to blow our brains out, then they’re just gonna have to find out who Beethoven is.

One of the strippers walks up to them and laughs while taking a drag on her cigarette She is a tall woman with platinum blonde hair and brown eyes.

Stripper: Well, look at who the cat dragged in. This is so adorable! Hey, Tricia, they got us some performahs!

Everyone in the room laughs, and some of them just give dirty looks to Desiree, Natalie and Alisha.

The Announcer: And now, on the center stage, is our first ever string trio. Give it up for our lovely ladies!

Stripper: Breaka leg.

She snorts and walks away. The loud blaring music stops over the loudspeakers so that Natalie, Desiree, and Alisha can perform their music without other music interfering with it.

Alisha turns pale. She looks like she is going to vomit. Desiree gives her dagger eyes.

Desiree: You’d better not fuck this up for us by puking.

Alisha cowers.

Alisha: I know. I’m trying.

The three of them walk onstage, and immediately everyone in the audience jeers. Desiree gives dagger eyes to Natalie.

Alisha: Guys, it’s chills. I don’t have any clothes on. I just want to go home.

Natalie: Maybe this was a bad idea…

Desiree: Well, we’re on tour now. Get used to it.

They set up their stands on the stage and then tune an A. They each tune their strings. The audience continues to pay very little attention to them, milling about while eating and drinking. They then look at each other, and then play. Everyone turns to look and even the waitresses stop serving people for a moment to turn and look at these women playing. The three perverts are sitting backstage, waiting for them to get off, but even they are moved by the music. Everyone is moved to tears, and before they know it, the audience members are throwing dollar bills on the stage at them. People whistle and cheer for them.

Natalie smiles, but then she sees the first pervert motion with the crook of his finger for them to go. She turns to exit and then he mouths to her “Grab the money!” and so she, Desiree and Alisha all grab the money and make for it, nervously giving bows to the audience, their legs shaking. At first they don’t have the energy to bow before the audience, but it’s in their orchestra training. They hurry past the other strippers, who applaud them, and one of them, the stripper who jeered at them earlier, lightly touches Natalie on the shoulder and gives her her business card.

Stripper: Let us know when you’re in town again. Here’s my card. Call me.

Natalie: Sure, thanks.

She is still shaking because she just played her first nude concert. Hell, even Desiree is shaking and Desiree isn’t afraid of anything. Alisha goes outside and vomits on the side of the road. The three perverts hurry them into the car. There is silence.

The first pervert: Can you guys sleep with us? Talented musicians such as yourselves deserve good men like us. Come, we’ll take you back to our place.

Natalie: No, you promised you would take us back to our van.

The first pervert looks at hem, and then his lip curls.

The first pervert: Okay, but we will get at least a half of the cuts.

Desiree: For what?

Desiree is incredulous. How dare these guys try to take half of their pay when they just played the most humiliating concert of their lives!

The first pervert: Look, we’re struggling, too, okay? My wife and my kids are struggling…

Desiree: The fuck, dude!?! Why the fuck are a bunch of shitty guys like you hitting on us women for?

The first pervert: I guess it’s human nature to crave pleasurable things. Also we gave you sluts a ride, so pay up because it’s gas money, and gas ain’t getting any cheaper in this country as we know it.

Natalie: Just give him half the cut, D. I just want to go in our car and sleep.

Desiree rolls her eyes, then starts counting the money. When she has counted half of the money they have earned, she pays up. The first pervert grabs the money from their hands wthout so much as a glare, not even a “thanks.”

The first pervert: Now get out. And take your shit with you.

The car drives off, leaving the girls with their instruments and still no clothes on.

Alisha: At least we have our clothes in the car.

They go in the car and sleep.

(to be continued…)