Written on June 11, 2019
Success is fleeting It is but a dream A mystery shrouded in gossamer One minute you're bussing tables Laden with dirty dishes and pathetic pennies for tips The next thing you're kicking back In your multicolored sneakers And dapper woolen suit On a silver platinum leather sofa Talking with a toothy grinned talk show host about those early server days Laughing away like you'd never laugh again. Success is a temporary solution To the pain and suffering we go through Day in and day out We convince ourselves that everything is bigger and brighter Cooler and shinier Healthier and prettier When we have a mansion, a 2,000 square foot jacuzzi, three kids All attending private schools in the Berkshires And a six-figure salary, complete with a kiss-my-ass CEO title to match While we revel in our success The planet burns slower and slower The ozone hole getting wider and wider Darker and scarier by the minuto Earthquakes in Ohio shaking people's houses Tornadoes uprooting millions of tall trees in Dallas Wildfires ravaging Los Angeles Meanwhile kids are dying of suicide bombings Crying tears of anguish As the government refuses to put down its weapons of Mass destruction and send those same kids to school Depriving them of a life of their own. I don't know what my own take on success is And I don't really want to follow society's definitions of success I don't know if I want to be a celebrity With paparazzi throwing themselves at me like dogs I don't know if my core is strong enough To take the trolls, the critics and the self-doubt My heart aches when I think about the polar bears Trying to survive on less than a millimeter of ice While I travel the globe in my private 747, sipping a glass of pinot grigio Feeling guilt but not doing anything constructive to process that guilt When I make it to Carnegie Will I still tense up with fear? When I get on that gilded stage with my cello Will I taste bile coming up from The Charybdis of my throat? At that moment, will I surrender my ego To the sweet sounds of Dvorak's Cello Concerto in B minor Or get so bogged down by the inner critic That shouts at me to stop playing and just give up already? Life is a learning process Not everyone finds their passion when they're 3 Success is not a straight line But a complicated labyrinth, a Rubik's cube that is hard to solve A stray cow-lick that is hard to pin down no matter How much gel or hairspray or cement you put on it. Success has its ups and downs It is a heart monitor, zig-zagging day after day Minute after minute Hour after hour Success is what you make of it It is like a technicolor dreamcoat Not a black and white cookie Success has its ups and downs But in the end, it means not giving up It means showing up whether you feel like it or not. The words on this page are utter crap. Yet I have shit to say and I'mma damn well say it. It means, this definition of success, Celebrating each victory, no matter how small Going to bed feeling grateful Even just having lived another day Feeling appreciation for life itself Success is what you make of it. It's a technicolor dreamcoat, not a black and white cookie When you make that big break, it's okay To shed tears of joy, jump around the room in squeals Run over the allotted speech time until the pit orchestra cuts you off (Next award announcer please.) And when you fall hard Cry it out Just get back up and go at it again Even if you're crawling like an earthworm Who has baked in the 100 degree heat and Fried like a Sunny-side-up egg Tries to make the most of even The smallest ounce left of its life Even if your body is trying to brandish its sword Against the dark demons in the depths of your mind Even if your body spears them Even when that bitter wormwood voice shouts at you To throw in the towel and quit on life Keep going Keep crawling until you get to the door Keep crawling until you open the door just a crack To bring in the sunlight And ward away the black Even when you are screaming a blood curdling cry At your body Crawling, screaming, pleading at your limp noodle body To go just one more day without taking those pills Without putting that blade to those wrists Without knotting that rope To fight the demons that feast upon your limp noodle body Day after day Night after night Hour after hour Year after year Minute after minute Second after second If you crawled even just an inch Congrats you have made it But there's no endpoint Keep crawling And trust me, success will feel like dining at a five-star restaurant Success means continuing to drive Even when your engine keeps sputtering and retching empty fumes Success means different things for different people Success is success And it's what you make of it.
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