Advice for My Teenage Self, Written to Myself for myself by Myself

Written on February 25, 2023

If I could give my teenage self advice, it would be quite a few things:

1. Have more confidence in yourself. Everyone around you is just as insecure as you. Sure, everyone looks like they are the popular crowd or that they are outgoing, but let’s face it, not everyone is an extrovert.
2. Free yourself from the YouTube rabbit hole. You got sucked in and now you can’t get out. It’s pretty claustrophobic in there and it’s straining your eyes, so take a break and read a book. And it’s interrupting your sleep schedule. It’s hard enough going through your first period and puberty, and on top of that your body is even under more stress because you are going to bed at 1 am.
3. Appreciate your parents. Seriously. As many tantrums as you threw, and as much of a spoiled brat as you are, you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for your parents.
4. Grades aren’t everything. It sucked getting those 40s and 60s on your math assignments, but in five or ten years no one will ask you what grades you got in middle school. Seriously, your worth doesn’t depend on your grades. And if you let your worth depend on your grades, it can either inflate your ego or sink it in one fell swoop until your drowning in your own puddle of self-pity. And this leads to another lesson.
5. Embrace failure and learn from your mistakes. It was humiliating to have to sit with the kids in gym class and answer to “What did you get on last’s weeks test on lab safety?” because you knew that Greta Matthews got a 98 percent on the test and well, you didn’t, because you were up until 2 am watching YouTube videos of pregnant moms feeling their babies kick for the first time. To be fair, you were that girl the year before, the one who got both praise and eye-rolls for getting 100s on quizzes and tests. You probably shouldn’t have laughed though whenever the other kids had to announce their grades aloud and that many of them got zeros. Tony was right. Karma’s a bitch and it can come back to bite you if you’re not careful.
6. Keep reading books. You love libraries. And you love books. Hell, you even brought friggin’ The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale with you to Six Flags. Six Freaking Flags, the last place you want to cart around a 400 page young adult novel! But give yourself grace. The people in your group wanted to scare themselves shitless riding Batman, and thankfully you didn’t need to join because well, you had your own entertainment. Which is probably why Texas Giant fucked you up so badly because it was a big and scary roller-coaster and you literally thought you were going to fly out of your seat on the ride and plummet to your death. (Thinking back, I still am haunted by those memories. Gosh, that leads me to another bullet point…)
7. Don’t give in to peer pressure. So what if the other girls at school gossip? So what if they giggle and talk about how weird that girl in your science class is for having trichotillomania? It’s not as if you are any different from her. Hell, you have battled trich your whole freaking life, so don’t bully Angela for having it, kid, because once you look back, you’ll wonder, Why did I even participate in the gossip and the bullying? It was so juvenile. This isn’t Mean Girls.
8. Love yourself. As I am sitting across from you in my comfortable therapist chair while I lecture to you, laying supine on the velvet red couch, looking up at the ceiling as the patients in all those movies about mental illness do, I can tell you one thing: I sure as hell wish I had Brene Brown’s books when I was your age. Brene talks about vulnerability, overcoming shame, setting boundaries and developing courage. Gossiping about others is a violation of boundaries. Remember Catherine? Yes, your friend, Catherine. You were friends but you also said she was “ditzy” even though she was one of the smartest people you ever met. Even Rachel was surprised to hear you say such mean things about the people at school when you talked with her over the phone. All that gossip came from deep insecurity. Admit it. It’s okay. You hate yourself. I know it’s hard, so here’s a box of Kleenex. Take as much as you need. Oh man, your eyes are getting red and puffy. Here’s something even better. Come here, let me give you a hug. Sweetie, you are going to be fine. Just be yourself. You only have five more years until you get to college.
9. You are amazing to speak up for a cause you believe in. Passing around that article about that organic farming initiative at Yale University? Gold. Giving a slideshow presentation about global warming with Tina in science class? Oh snap. Encouraging your family to join you in your composting initiative for that science fair? You deserve a fucking medal, kid. Telling your peers to turn off the lights in their homes for one hour, being part of environmental club, wearing shirts made of organic cotton, and going vegan? You deserve a thousand gold stars. Sure you were pessimistic about the world, but you did you. And soon, you learned that a lot of kids at your school were passionate about all kinds of issues, not just climate change. They were passionate about theater, LGBTQ+ rights, coding, drill team, planning prom, the list goes on. Everyone is a nerd about something. Let your nerd banner fly loud and proud.
10. Keep your hair natural. I have nothing against you straightening your hair. Plenty of girls told you you should straighten your hair to make it look prettier. But you didn’t listen and that’s okay. Sure, it’s not as if you would become this superhuman being or suddenly become more confident after running that straightening iron through those curly locks in one magical sitting. But would you do this for approval or because you really wanted to? If you’re doing it because other people want you to, you’re straightening your hair for all the wrong reasons and should probably keep it natural. I know you hate looking at yourself in the mirror each morning because you feel ugly and worthless, but seriously as you keep doing you, you’ll awaken to your own self-worth and depend less on others to define how you should look and what you are worth.
11. Keep chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. You will develop an unlimited belief in yourself by doing so. And keep hanging out with your fellow Buddhists; they are great people.
12. Stop staring at Blake in math class. He has a girlfriend already. He really, really hates you for giving him eyes all the time. He has told you multiple times. Geez, I wish you had Terri Cole’s Boundary Boss when you needed it. You could have learned a lesson or two from it. And it’s not like you actually love Blake; you just want a distraction to keep you occupied because you’re so unfocused in other areas of your life that need much more attention, like, you know, your classes, friends, family, hobbies. He has nice eyes, and oh, that hair, so blonde…but seriously, kid, just focus on your life and you’ll find love when you’re emotionally ready.
13. Stop poking kids in the back with your pencils. No one likes it. They told you many times to stop, so why do you keep doing it?
14. Stop giving kids your school supplies. You’re not a pushover; if you keep giving them your supplies they will keep expecting you to give them your supplies. Most times people may not give them back to you. I know you are a people pleaser and hate hurting people’s feelings but these are life lessons that you carry with you for years. People pleasing will get worse than giving away your supplies, it will spill into all other areas of your life: relationships, work, community, family, the list goes on. Eventually you will have nothing left to give because you are so exhausted.
15. You’ll get through this. It sounds corny, but seriously just trust Future You’s sage advice. You’ll get through this and so will everyone else around you. You’ll thank your Future Self later.

Author: The Arts Are Life

I am a writer and musician. Lover of music, movies, books, art, and nature. View all posts by The Arts Are Life