Is this what I am feeling true love? You looking at me up and down like I was a whole dessert A slice of black forest cake You wanted to eat out Me looking at you With flutterflies in my stomach As I played my cello My heart sang a song of you And danced that night in the bliss of the intimate concert hall Not knowing why I couldn't finish My breakfast in the morning My fork gliding through the archipelagos Of fresh scrambled tofu in a sea of ketchup The tongs unable to make their way to my mouth Love was a 36-week-old fetus Taking up space in my belly that morning Breathing all the air out of my lungs Heartbeat beating faster than my own The second I walk in the room You give me a smile, look me up and down "Hot damn" races through your mind. These feelings make me so light headed That I feel dizzy, love-sick to my stomach I vomit all the feelings of love that remain Jumbled in my heart Wound up like a 1,000 year old screw. All night i think about your last letter You life in another city Love took reign And reigned Bey-Supreme Over my heart I practically wrote a novel In response to you And as my pen raced across the pages Shitting trails of black ink on the way to the finish line My heart sang, "O happy day" Louder than any angels ever sang. My heart raced at presto speed A galloping horse And I found myself drowning in the Quicksand of love As i lay in my bed sleeping My eyes open Pondering I wonder: is this love or a mere fantasy I conjured from our past interactions You stole my heart Then mentioned your love My heart sighed in relief Feeling happiness for you and your love I later got my own during a hot night of chai and chatter in The land of saris and samosas. I am cool. You are cool. We are friends But can we ever rekindle that magic spark That night When your eyes caressed my breast, hips, thighs, dark brown eyes? When i sat alone in my dorm in the beautiful April Self-harm scars faded from a fall semester Of self-hate and suicidal ideations I wrote of fantasies, dreams, imaginations Of you kissing my taut dark-skinned belly Caressing it every time our unborn child Communicated his existence with kicks and punches You coo softly to my stomach, whispering words of love and hope To a biracial child Soon to awaken in a world Where the first Indian-Black-Female VP runs the White House with a leader who also Fights for justice and respect for the dignity of life. We lock lips and have a beautiful conversation A conversation that transforms so delicately Into a nonverbal dialogue Of intimacy Physical attraction Sensual pleasures. You get a handful of my chocolate cakes And you're in heaven You taste dark-milk-honey-caramel chocolate As you nibble my lips You wipe away my salted caramel tears And nibble on my Duncan Hines ears "Mmmmmmmm," you whisper as if you were Speaking into an ASMR microphone. Then I imagine everything that might go wrong Stillborn, umbilical cord wrapped around the neck A new mother and father's lived nightmare Fights in the kitchen end up with bruises and black eyes Broken dishes strewn around the room Our son standing there, watching, observing Wondering why his parents Yell words filled with acid at each other instead of words filled with love A chance encounter with the pretty Brunette standing behind you in the grocery Store line Becomes a one-night stand Back at her studio apartment And a white, fair-skinned, straight-haired baby that got achance at life That our son did not. A flirtation with another guy I just met At a company party Becomes a one night stand with me You watching the clock to no avail waiting for me to come home So we can put the kiddo to bed. Or both of us simply get tired of each other. Those memories of being infatuated are thin air. You get back with your ex Get married, have kids, retire Nice life While I'm nursing the memories of my unbridled passion Swaddling the crying, pooping, smelly, ga-ga-ing Mess of love The burden of betrayal Is this love permanent? Or just a thing of the past?
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